What Makes a Good Relationship Good?

Human beings are social creatures naturally. They crave positive interactions, friendships, and other relationships. Therefore the better their relationships at work, in the family and other places are the happier and productive they are. What is more, is that good relationships provide people with freedom rather than spending time and energy dealing with issues associated with negative relationships (Hogg, 2018). This paper describes some of the theories and strategies which can improve relationships.

The Communication Accommodative Theory in the Workplace

The Communication Accommodative theory argues that one can change his or her behavior of communication to be seem similar to others. This includes lowering the voice so as to match the style of speech of the recipient. There are two main communication accommodative strategies. The first one is convergent and the other one is divergent. Even though these strategies are the opposite of each other, they convey attitudes towards the other person and can serve to indicate the social distance level between two parties. When the two are used appropriately in the workplace, they offer benefits, especially in relationships.

Convergence is defined as a method that people use to adjust their behavior of communication in a way that they look more similar to the other party. This is achieved by changing body language to match the other party’s, changing the rate of speech and other methods. If convergent is used successfully in the workplace, it leads to a number of benefits. When there are more perceived similarity levels, people start liking each other and gain respect for each other. Convergence also enhances communication effectiveness (Dragojevic et al., 2015). Being able to predict the behavior of another person lowers interpersonal anxiety and uncertainty leading to a mutual understanding in the workplace.

There are unforeseen and undesired effects too when convergence is not used well. Overaccommodation can be considered as patronizing or belittling type of talk that is a result of overstating or oversimplifying a message. This might restrict interaction or lead to the establishment of negative stereotypes between the parties involved in communication. For instance, in a workplace where there are trainees, they may feel that the treatment they receive is dismissive and undermining from the older members of staff. As much as the older staff could not be intentionally behaving in a way that is not supportive, the gap between the know-how of the trainees regardless if it is perceived or real can make the trainees feel lesser (Riles, 2016). Research conducted in the field of intergenerational communication also has revealed that overaccommodation may have a deteriorating effect psychologically as it can lower the self-esteem of the elderly.

Divergence is a strategy of communication that puts an emphasis on the speech and nonverbal behavior differences between communicators. In the workplace, individuals can communicate in a way that is divergent so as to emphasize to the other party that they belong in a group that is distinct that the other party does not belong. This is used in the workplace to reinforce group identity and signal distinctiveness. However, divergence should be used appropriately in the workplace for if it is not it can be viewed as unwanted behavior. A recipient of divergence might regard it as unappealing and undesired since it can be interpreted as exclusive instead of an inclusive type of behavior (Malek & Jaguli, 2018). Also, people might feel like they get subjected to divergence because they do not deserve positive regard or the respect of the other person. There are thee strategies of accommodation of divergence and one should know when to use them and they should only be used when they are necessary.

Individuals also apply underaccommodation where they avoid altering the style of communication despite the behavior of the other party. The reason why under accommodation should be applied in the workplace is remaining coherent and avoiding the uncharacteristic type of behavior. Insecurity concerning nonverbal and linguistic skills is also sometimes used as the reason for underaccommodation. For example, underaccommodation can reveal itself in greetings when one or all the communicators are not sure how they should greet one another. In the workplace for instance, should the boss be greeted by just words or by a handshake? How can one engage in small talk if the greeting gesture is perceived in a negative way by the other party? Situations like this can also happen between nurses and patients where nurses use a reassuring and calming tone to make an anxious patient be at ease (Riles, 2016). To sum it all, underaccommodation can be used in the workplace to serve as a way to cool people down and provide them reassurance or as a convergence tool between those who are communicating.

Counteraccommodation is a method or strategy whereby the differences between those who are communication are maximized. This is a strategy which evokes reinforcement of identities of groups and finds a spectrum for the communicators on opposite ends. It can be applied in the workplace to highlight the identities of groups and the communicators’ distinctiveness. It is also a technique of face-saving (Malek & Jaguli, 2018). For instance if a programmer enjoys talking about the technical concepts of the website of a company, he or she might get a way out of a conversation and put attention to the role he holds as a programmer when he feels that it is unskillful to talk about the commercial context of the website.

The Role of Power in Romantic Relationships

Power is an issue that often arises in couples when they are in conflict and in an attempt to assert individual needs. When one partner wants to influence the other, what that means is that they are trying to exert power over the other person. Power does not even mean threats or ominous acts in this case. There are a variety of possible power sources. For instance, passion is one source of power. Confidence is also a form of power. Therefore, when a couple gets into a conflict or when they are attempting desperately to be right, prove the other one wrong and get their way, what arises is a power struggle (Overall, 2016). When two individuals are arguing about who will take the garbage out, who will do the dishes, what is often being decided is who is more powerful in that relationship. If people are not mindful about the role that power plays in a relationship, they might miss an opportunity to exercise power appropriately. It is very easy to utter words like dandy and fine; love is everything and the other romanticized and superficial clichés. However, the truth is that ignoring the power struggle comes to a point where the couple gets themselves being resentful to the extent that breaking up is the only option that is viable.

Some relationships have behavior that is damaging to one individual especially if there is an unequal balance of power. A good relationship should be based on respect and equality between the partners. When one party uses control tactics on the other partner, it might be very damaging (Sadikaj, 2017). The power imbalance or control may take forms like physical abuse, stalking behavior and threats. This makes one partner get scared of the other and hence feels unsafe in the relationship. Domestic violence is one form of abusive power in many relationships.

For instance, if a partner is denying the other sex, can that be termed as a relationship that is equal? What is the role of power in that dynamic? Which individual is practicing exertion of power is such a situation? Can this be perhaps the only kind of power the individual possess or the only one at her or his disposal? These are some of the significant questions to ask in such a relationship. If couples are not mindful about the role that power has in a relationship, they will miss a chance to develop an honest discussion on what is going on truly.

A study conducted on couples in the year 2016 revealed that both women and men reported being either the subordinate or dominant partner in the relationship. It is however interesting that the participants that felt that their respective partners had more power felt that their relationships were less intimate and less stable (Overall, 2016). The partners that felt that they both possessed an equal amount of power felt that their relationships were more intimate and stable. Naturally, couples that share power in a relationship are happier as compared to those that feel insubordinate. Men, however, are less affected even when they feel like their wives or girlfriends have more power in the relationship. For the inequality that results from poor quality relationships, women in these relationships experience abuse and coercion by the partners as revealed by the study.

The truth about power in relationships is that it differs across various domains in the relationship. Therefore dividing power in a relationship across various domains is appropriate. Power also reflects interdependence. It is not adequate to focus on one individual’s dispositional tendency to being deferential on influential (Sadikaj, 2017). A thorough power understanding in a relationship needs a study of each individual’s power within the context of the other individual. How one views his or her power and the power of a partner can have an impact on the perception of power by the partner.

If couples work together so as to shine a light on their dynamics of power, they can begin to build an approach of eliminating problematic behaviors and redefine their relationship. When people collaborate appropriately, they develop an intimacy bond. Covet power causes resentment and this is covert anger basically. Not possessing an honest discourse regarding the dynamic of power within relationships only a method of sawing resentment seeds that eventually destroy the relationship (Simpson, 2015). There are couples who find it threatening to unveil the curtain and continue to sink in Titanic. The few who find the courage end up bringing the dynamic of power on the surface and get the key of repairing their relationships and going past resentment.

The Role of Communication Theory of Identity (CTI) in Friendship

Communication Theory of Identity (CTI) suggests that rather than just being a product of identity communication is an element. CTI presents a synthetic and comprehensive identity view that integrates the community, social relationships, self-concepts, and communication while locating identity within all those areas. The layers perspective argues that management and formation of the identity of an individual is a communication process with others and self instead of just a simple communication product or basis for communication production. The theory further argues that individuals internalize relationships and social interactions and a sense of individuality through communication (Soliz & Colaner, 2017). Identity is enacted and expressed through communication in turn. In other words, the association between identity and communication is reciprocal. From the view, communication, therefore, helps in building, sustaining and modifying the identity of an individual.

CTI further posits that an individual internalizes relationships, social interactions and the sense of self mostly through communication that helps in building, sustaining and modifying their identity focusing on this perspective, therefore, one can assume communication is identity and identity is communication and the two cannot be separated. CTI suggests that the furor layers which include communal, relational. Enacted and personal layers interact with and get influenced by each other. CTI does not only help to understand individual but it can also be used as a strategy for effective delivery of messages between friends. When a person wants to tell a friend something, he or she should consider the salient identity of the individual. Since there are several identities, personal, communal, relational and enacted, it is significant to consider which one is most relevant is a particular context (Pang & Hutchinson, 2018). Any message should be tailored towards the identifiable characteristics of an individual like ethnicity, gender, and age. Research shows that if friends adopt this approach, they are likely to influence their friends who are receiving the message on the other end to perceive the massage with trust. This also enhances the perception of the friends concerning the quality of the message, improves the probability that they will process the message with care and informs the normative belief regarding behavior.

The messages or information can, however, be tailored towards more than a single layer of identity which serves as a basis for the structure, behavior, and attitude of an individual. For instance, if a friend tailors a message towards the personal layer of a friend, it would appeal to that friend’s desire to become a better person. Making a friend a better person will definitely improve the relationship as the friends are likely to view each other as helpful and people who add value to their lives (Hogg, 2018). On the other hand, a message which is tailored towards the communal layer can appeal to the friend’s desire to behave in a manner that is consistent with the significant social relationship or group prescription. Therefore, in this case, the relationship is likely to change for the better.

Another researcher also suggests developing a message which is likely to make a friend become mindful of the identity gaps that manifest when two or even more layers of identity that juxtapose. Getting mindful of identity gaps make an individual experience what is referred to as cognitive dissonance which they seek to resolve by changing their behavior and hence enhancing friendship. For example, this reasoning line would argue that a message which points out the behavior of a friend maybe say relationship wise and is inconsistent with a single aspect of the friend’s self-concept can cause psychological discomfort which should be minimized in friendships (Hogg, 2018). Psychological discomfort in a friend can make the friend lose the trust of the other person who delivered the message and hence having a friendship which is not based on trust. These friendships eventually fall.

According to research, an individual has cognitions which may fit together or may not. When the individual recognizes that they possess cognitions that do not fit together, they are likely to experience cognitive dissonance. This is a psychological state that is aversive and characterized by discomfort. Discomfort is what individuals mostly want to avoid through behavior change and attitude (Soliz & Colaner, 2017). Therefore telling a friend something that is not appropriate and that causes them discomfort can impact a friendship because the friends can avoid those individuals so as to alleviate the discomfort.

Metacommunication in Family Relationships

Metacommunication is defined as talking about communication. For instance, if two people sit down to discuss an argument they had they are meta-communicating because they are talking about a conversation they have. Metacommunication involves both nonverbal and verbal communication. If a family member complains that when he or she is talking another family member does not seem to listen, he or she is meta-communicating because she is talking about the nonverbal communication of the other person. Metacommunication in the context of the family can be described as the family discussions which attempt to find a solution to family dysfunction problems of communication (Wilmot, 2018). It applies when for instance an individual seems to answer a question which has been posed to them but is actually avoiding answering that question.

Research shows that metacommunication is positively associated with relationship satisfaction between family members. This is however the case if metacommunication is applied appropriately. The interpretation of metacommunication of one person in a family can be different from another person’s interpretation of the same. While metacommunication is often not conscious and accompanies a number of messages, intentional metacommunication can happen when individuals talk consciously regarding the rational contexts of the messages that they pass (Craig, 2016). Researchers, therefore, suggest having knowledge of attribution making or metacommunication interpretation which can help in predicting subsequent interpersonal response.

There are several reasons why family members do not want to discuss the nature and reasons of ongoing repetitive interpersonal difficulties in the family. Everyone fears that they might hear something that is negative and some do not even want to admit that there is something wrong. There are those who are already feeling guilty concerning their behavior in the past because they feel like they may be humiliated, misunderstood or unjustly blamed. Sometimes discussions about family bring angry outbursts and lead to emotional cutoffs and silent treatments. Others can go to an extent of causing violence. Other family members worry that their feelings and thoughts might hurt the feelings of the other person. Therefore in response, people have created a repertoire of behavior which is designed to get out of the discussions subtly without looking like they have done so (Branco & Fogel, 2014). Some strategies which are used to get out of the discussions include changing the subject, over-generalizing, using global judgments and nitpicking.

A good example of a situation where one uses a global judgment is where a woman says that her father is controlling but she does not exactly the state in which way he is controlling. In other words, the specific behaviors that make the father be controlling. Also, what the specific motives which make the father be controlling areas suspected by the daughter. In this example, if the father controls the dating life of the daughter but lets her do whatever she wants in all the other aspects, of life, and then he is not controlling (Wilmot, 2018). Actually, he might be enabling her to do what she wants in those other aspects of life.

Therefore a metacommunicator who might be another family member should be a good investigative reporter to understand this issue and find a solution to it. She or he should ask for the detailed instances of control by the father or any other members of the family. The metacommunicator should, therefore, ask for illustrative example such as what exactly do you do or not do to make him look controlling? If the daughter replies with a global generalization like say for instance everything, the other family member who is the metacommunicator should ask for prototypical examples persistently.

To find exactly what the daughter means, the other member of the family has to ask for more behavioral descriptions and not just the opinion of the daughter of the father’s personality. The daughter might be avoiding or getting out of the asked questions through generalization and these needs to be addressed (Craig, 2016). The metacommunicator can ask for more clarification if there are confusing or vague statements and inquire more about the insinuated and unspoken implications.

In getting concrete interaction descriptions instead of globalized judgments, it is also significant to find pit what the individuals in the relationship actually said or did not say to one another. Knowing exactly who said what or did not say what to one another that leads to the conflict or provokes anxiety adds a big amount to the understanding of the metacommunicator family member. The family members that might omit details that are significant otherwise can be able to offer a detailed and accurate explanation which leads to rich conversations.

References

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Giles, H. (Ed.). (2016). Communication accommodation theory: Negotiating personal relationships and social identities across contexts . Cambridge University Press.

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Simpson, J. A., Farrell, A. K., Oriña, M. M., & Rothman, A. J. (2015). Power and social influence in relationships. APA handbook of personality and social psychology: Interpersonal relations , 3 , 393-420.

Soliz, J., & Colaner, C. W. (2017). Communication accommodation theory and communication theory of identity: Theories of communication and identity. In Engaging Theories in Family Communication (pp. 95-106). Routledge.

Wilmot, W. W. (2018). Metacommunication: A re-examination and extension. Annals of the International Communication Association , 4 (1), 61-69.