As the semester began, I made a recording in which I interviewed myself and provided responses to queries on my ideas and attitudes towards racism. The recording, in most ways, portrays my racial identity. Time has come for me to reflect on the recording. After careful and attentive listening to my recording, I was surprised by some of the responses that I provided. While listening to the recording, I felt that I was honest and open. I think that I was not comfortable with my racial identity and appeared not confident when doing the recording. In the recording, I was not comfortable directly identifying myself as Black, and I just mentioned, my country of origin without showing that I was proud of my descent. After reflecting on my lack of confidence and being uncomfortable while talking about my racial identity in the video, I realized that it was not caused by confusion about my identity. Most probably, I was still feeling upset and angry about the topic of racism, and that is why I was not comfortable with my identity in the interview.
My responses also portrayed the passion I have for ensuring the total wellbeing of others. Reflecting on the recording enabled me to see how I identify myself in the context of a cultural/racial setting that is different from mine. The reflection on the recording also made me realize that I was not comfortable identifying with my race because of the issues that surround using the terms such as Black that describe people from my origin. According to Parma'S framework, the development of racial identity is a lifelong process that is continuous for Blacks (Robinson, 2007). The theory proposes that emotions such as anger towards those who are White cause a negative Black perspective. Consequently, a racial identity that is objective is realized. The theory links the Whites directly to the identity of Blacks in a way that makes the Blacks turn from being unconscious to being conscious (Best & Bynum, 2006).
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The theory proposes that when Blacks do not agree with White's culture, they become self-conscious and perceive that they are different from other people. This makes them aware of racial identity. According to the multidimensional model of racial identity, racial identity can be identified as that aspect of a person's self-concept, which is associated with belonging to a certain race (Neblett & Roberts, 2013). Racial identity has two main components, which are identification and consciousness. It incorporates aspects such as a person's identification strength, feeling of being attached to group members, assessment of membership such as the extent to which a person likes or does not like being Black or White, for example, and behaviors associated with the group (Robinson, 2007).
I think a large part of the discomfort and lack of confidence, as I observed in my recording was as a result of fear of lack of acceptance because of my racial background. I had a feeling that I should adjust and be someone else even though no one had given me a reason to think that way. Racism is a serious problem in the world today, but due to fear at times, we end up feeling out of place even when there are no situations or people that give us reasons to do so. I feel that this was the case with the responses in my recording. I was finding it hard to be comfortable just because I feel that I am different from most people around me.
Socialization
My responses in the recording were, in some ways, influenced by my racial development and upbringing. Racial socialization refers to the process by which people gain meaning and understand the concept of race and its subsequent implications (White-Johnson, Ford & Sellers, 2010). My parents, close family members, community back in Cameroon, peers in the United States, colleagues at work, and the African American community in the United States have been the most influential throughout my socialization process. As a young adult, I did not receive messages about race and what it means to be Black. I grew up in an African, in a country where the majority of the residents are Black, and the subject of race is not quite common. Therefore, the socialization revolved mainly around cultural socialization aspects such as cultural heritage and traditions. The majority of the studies conducted on African Americans show that cultural socialization and racial socialization by parents are linked to racial identity. In addition, young people whose parents involve them in racial socialization have an increased possibility of questioning allegiance to the majority's culture (White-Johnson et al., 2010). They are most likely to show more appreciation for their culture and show a positive orientation towards their culture. I grew up knowing that the White culture is superior over the Black culture, and as a result, my responses in the recording did not depict pride in my racial identity. I was not adequately socialized into the African culture; hence felt uncomfortable about my racial identity. The United States environment and being from a minority group have shaped my attitudes towards my racial identity.
Change process
Before coming to the United States, I never thought the race was a significant issue, and I perceived it as a thing of the past. However, my awareness of the different aspects of racism and its impact on our daily lives has grown considerably throughout the course. While back in Cameroon, I used to hear of how minority groups experienced difficult times trying to fit in, adjust, and succeed, but I did not encounter it until when I came to the United States. When I began living here, I realized that I am a minority, and therefore my perspective on race changed in a significant way. Coming from Cameroon, where I belonged to the majority group, I always felt that I was not in any way different from other people and did not try to fit in. We had the same skin color and shared the same cultural aspects. People were not categorized according to their color or other criteria, such as social class. Also, I did not feel out of place or the need to adjust. However, this sense of comfort vanished after I left Cameroon for the United States to pursue my educational goals. I realized that I was different from most people. Furthermore, I experienced what it feels to be a minority, and this shaped my whole perspective of race. I felt anger and resentment whenever race was discussed or whenever I had to identify with my race.
I tried to fit in the Western culture in the United States. The course has changed my thinking about racial identity and racism. I now take pride in my racial identity, and I can comfortably discuss the subject of race with confidence. During the recording, I felt so nervous at the thought of discussing the concept of race because being a minority. However, the various topics studied throughout the course have increased my awareness of race and racism and enabled me to develop more positive aspects. Progress towards achievement of the goal established at the beginning of the semester has been made in several ways. Race remains a part of my life, and I always interact with different people from different racial backgrounds. The interaction happens in different contexts, such as my workplace and school, among other places such as social places. I have made an effort to learn about different cultures and races to embrace diversity. I now take pride in my racial identity and no longer feel that my culture/race is inferior.
Throughout the course, my racial identity has developed from conformity all through to integrative awareness. According to the R/CID model, conformity involves having a preference for aspects associated with the dominant race and harboring negative attitudes towards one's racial group (CSAT, 2014). The second stage of the model is dissonance and appreciation in which an individual starts to question identity and identifies stereotypes of one's racial group. Resisting and immersion follow and are characterized by embracing a positive perspective towards one's race and rejection of dominant societal values. At this point, an individual may develop feelings of anger and lack of trust. Introspection involves questioning the psychological expense of portraying strong attitudes towards the dominant racial group and a desire to channel more effort towards individual identity (CSAT, 2014). It also involves the realignment of perspectives to embrace the fact that not all the characteristics of the dominant group are negative. The final stage of the model of racial identity development is integrative awareness in which a person develops a comfortable and confident feeling of racial identity. In this stage of my racial identity development, I have become more multicultural than at the beginning of the semester and gained more pride in my identity. Additionally, I am now able to see racism as an illness in society, and anyone can be a victim.
References
Best, C., & Bynum, M. S. (2006). Racial Socialization as a Predictor of Racial Identity Beliefs among African American College Students. PsycEXTRA Dataset . doi: 10.1037/e539332007-001
CSAT. (2014). Improving Cultural Competence . Rockville (MD): SAMSHA Publications. Retrieved from : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK248428/ on 24/03/2020.
Neblett, E. W., & Roberts, S. O. (2013). Racial Identity and Autonomic Responses to Racial Discrimination. Psychophysiology. doi: 10.1111/psyp.12087
Robinson, L. (2007). Racial/Ethnic Identity Development. Cross-Cultural Child Development for Social Workers, 36–81. doi: 10.1007/978-1-137-13415-8_3
White-Johnson, R. L., Ford, K. R., & Sellers, R. M. (2010). Parental Racial Socialization Profiles: Association with Demographic Factors, Racial Discrimination, Childhood Socialization, and Racial Identity. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology, 16 (2), 237–247. doi: 10.1037/a0016111
