Parenting has become one of the most important things based on the impact that it has on the development of a child. Parents today are more educated as compared to the past. For instance, parents can acquire any information from the internet. However, there are different diverse as well as conflicting values that affect the way parenting because various factors influence the parenting style adopted. Normally, better-educated parents are more engaged in their children’s upbringing resulting in positive, emotional, and behavioral outcomes for the children. The following study addresses the parenting styles based on an observation of the parent’s relationship with her two children.
I conducted my observation in one of a neighborhood where a parent was seated outside with her two children as she embarked on cutting the grass around the house. The children were playing with different tools. The older child looked to deny the younger one any opportunity to play with the tool. This led to them engaging each other in a tug of war. The parent kept on stopping what she was doing to talk to them and guide them on what to do and how they can play together without any conflict. However, the fights kept on becoming intense, which made the mother frustrated. Despite the frustration of the mother, she did not violently engage the children as she kept on keeping them together and having a talk with them on how to play together.
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The relationship between the mother and the children follows the nonviolent paradigm model. This parenting style involves the parent providing the children with unconditional love at all times and ensuring that the children are guided whenever necessary. The guidance is aimed at changing the behavior of the child without any punishment. This explains why the mother stopped what she was doing and went to play with the kids for some time after they had engaged themselves in a conflict. When she was playing with them, her focus was on teaching them how to play together and share the playing tools. I could hear her tell them that they are brothers and they are not supposed to fight with one another. Based on research, it is clear that all that children want is attention, acceptance, and appreciation. Most of the deviant activities that are shown by different children occur because of lack of acceptance and appreciation. The nonviolent paradigm argues that children should be shown love at all times as this acts as a building block of how they relate with others in the society ( Holden, Ashraf, Brannan, & Baker, 2016) . The mother was able to validate the needs of the children through her act of leaving what she was doing and focusing on guiding them on how to play together. The parenting style calls for parents to respect the autonomy of their children. The mother was able to respond with respect and empathy.
One of the things that I observed was the guidance giving to the older child because of him kicking the younger one and running away. Instead of the mother violently punishing the child, she sat down with him an informed him that he is supposed to take care of his younger brother. The response of the child was apologizing to his younger brother, which allowed them to continue playing together ( Holden, Ashraf, Brannan, & Baker, 2016) . This informs my argument that the nonviolent paradigm is more superior to the dominant paradigm. Using violence when a child does wrong makes them think that violence is the only way to deal with his or her frustrations. The use of pain, fear, shame, and guilt may make the child fail in exploring their potential when growing up. Controlling a child’s behavior as practiced in the dominant paradigm denies them the autonomy to develop their thoughts and ideas ( Holden, Ashraf, Brannan, & Baker, 2016) . The dominant paradigm gives the parent much power, which denies the children the autonomy to develop their thoughts. The non-violent paradigm ensures that the parent stays closer to the child and promotes their wellbeing at all times in a way that instills learning. I believe that the nonviolent approach is more appropriate as it instills compassion and helps the children learn.
Children maltreatment is one of the vices that have dominated the society for a long time. This is manifested through sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, or psychological abuse. In regards to physical abuse, it is clear that infants and young children may face brain dysfunction that may lead to death. Research shows that abuse and neglect may result in health problems that are serious and can affect the development of the child ( Widom, Czaja, & Dutton, 2014) . For instance, the child’s neuromotor may become handicap leading to some physical effects and mental retardation.
Abused and neglected children in society have also recorded elements of delayed intellectual development, especially in verbal intelligence. Abused children also show elements of lowered intellectual functioning as well as reduced cognitive functioning. These children have shown elements of problematic school performance because of abuse and neglect ( Nemeroff, 2016) . Consequently, abuse and neglect present numerous psychosocial consequences in society. These include developmental delays, elements of attention deficits, poor social skills, as well as less emotional stability ( Widom, Czaja, & Dutton, 2014) . These children are unable to develop stable attachments to the adult caretaker, which reduces self-esteem thereby making the children view themselves negatively.
Some consequences of neglect and abuse are usually severe during the early stages of child development. Maternal detachment, as well as lack of availability, affect the development of bonding as well as an attachment between the child and the parent, which in turn affects the expectations that the child has on problem-solving, social relationships, adult availability, as well as coping with some of the stressful situations. These children also suffer from emotional stability that in return affects how they relate to others in society ( Nemeroff, 2016) . These psychosocial problems have a negative effect on the relationships that a child from when they reach adolescence. They are anxious and unable to establish stable relationships. Such children are at a higher risk of isolating themselves and not talking about their problems ( Widom, Czaja, & Dutton, 2014) . In effect, adolescents who have faced abuse when young may commit suicide when they face a similar problem or when they face a challenge that cannot deal with.
Overall, the society is dynamic, and people relate to each other differently. Parents apply different parenting styles depending on their values and culture. However, unconditional love towards a child is ideal in ensuring that a child learns on the good and wrong behaviors. This calls for the use of the nonviolent paradigm in parenting. Abuse and neglect not only affect the development of a child but also their lives in the future. For instance, facing abuse and neglect affects the self-esteem of a child in school, which not only affects their academic achievement but also the relationships that they form with their peers.
References
Holden, G., Ashraf, R., Brannan, E., & Baker, P. (2016). The Emergence of “Positive Parenting” as a Revived Paradigm. Contexts for young child flourishing , 201-215.
Nemeroff, C. B. (2016). Paradise lost: the neurobiological and clinical consequences of child abuse and neglect. Neuron , 89 (5), 892-909.
Widom, C. S., Czaja, S., & Dutton, M. A. (2014). Child abuse and neglect and intimate partner violence victimization and perpetration: A prospective investigation. Child abuse & neglect , 38 (4), 650-663.
