The 5 Stages of Death and Dying

Description 

My uncle was very close to our family. He had such unique laughter that made most people smile even when they are sad. I always liked him when he was drunk because he used to come and play with me and then we would talk about life. He would then encourage me to be ambitious and that I could be anything that I wanted to be. One day he fainted, and we all accompanied him to hospital. We all thought it was a simple condition. The doctor examined him, and he came out a bit uptight because his face could not show any emotion although he appeared to be deep in thoughts. He sat down and told us that he had cancer and he only had a few months to live. 

Reflections 

The whole family was in denial, and we all refused to accept that he would one day pass away. I was four years old, and I assumed that he would just sleep and wake up the next day. We hoped that the doctor had made a mistake and that we would receive a call to clarify the situation. A week or two later, my uncle realized that he was going to die. He became angry because he knew that he would live his wife and children without a husband and a father. He was so angry because of all the life dreams and plans that would go unfulfilled. 

Generalizations/Principles/Theories 

I learned that the death and dying process that few people would desire to experience. I noticed that my uncle was undergoing the five stages of dying and death. He had undergone denial and anger. Soon, he began to bargain. Although he was not religious, he believed that there was a supernatural being. He promised never to drink and that he would become a better husband and father. When he noticed that bargaining was fruitless, he experienced hopelessness and depression. Due to the medication and condition, he began mourning the impending loss of family, plans, health, and life. Ultimately, he accepted that he was going to die and he made peace with his family and friends. He later talked to his children because they were unaware of his condition. 

Testing and Application 

The experience showed the significance of life. It taught to cherish every moment that I spent with my family. No person deserves to undergo the psychological, emotional, and physical tortures that accompany cancer patients. I knew that I would lose my favorite uncle and I found myself crying in my bedroom because I would miss our conversations. My father was always there for me, but my uncle was also an important part of my life. I learned that there are certain lifestyle conditions that may increase the likelihood of getting cancer and I promised to try and live a healthy lifestyle when I grew up. I did not want my future children and spouse to undergo a similar experience. 

The Process of Grief and Mourning 

Description 

My uncle died about six months after the diagnosis. However, the whole family was in denial. He looked so peaceful, and he seemed to be smiling. I hoped that it was just a nightmare and that he would wake up and play with me. I remember I jumped on his bed and tried to touch his face hoping that he would wake up and hold me. I was so angry that he had died before he had seen me graduating from college. I was angry that I had not only lost an uncle but a friend too. However, the pain I felt could not be compared to that of his wife and children. 

Reflections 

During the whole process, I learned that I had to be strong and that it would not be the last time that I would lose special people in my life. I was depressed for some few weeks because I hoped that I would come from school and we would start playing. However, a month after my uncle's burial, the whole family accepted that he was gone and we had to continue our lives despite the fact that he was not around. My mother used to tell me that my uncle is in a better place. I learned that there are some things in life that I may not have the power to control, but I have the power to decide how I would react to the situation. 

Generalizations/Principles/Theories 

I learned that we had undergone the five processes of grief and mourning: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and accepting. We initially failed to accept that he had gone and that it was just a bad day or nightmare that would come to an end. We later became angry because there was nothing that we could do to treat our uncle. We took him to the best hospitals, but the outcomes were always similar. After that, we all began bargaining. I felt that I should have spent more time with him and I promised God that I would work two times harder in school if he spared my uncle. We were depressed after he passed away and finally, we accepted that he had gone and he would miss the first Thanksgiving that we have always shared with the entire family. 

Testing and Application 

One of the most significant lessons I learned from the whole process was that crying and mourning is better than bottling up feelings that may lead to a mental and emotional breakdown. In most societies, men are encouraged to be strong, and that tears may be a sign of weakness. However, I realized that even the strongest men have moments when crying is essential during the healing process. It was the first time I saw both my father and mother crying. My uncle's widow was sad that they had spent only a few years together. I learned the importance and value of spending quality time with friends and family. 

The Importance of a Funeral 

Description 

The funeral was essential because it allowed us to accept or acknowledge my uncle's death. It is a norm that is shared by all societies and passed through the generations. It is a universal need for people to gather after a person's death. It is human nature to experience psychological mooring after a loved one's death. The funeral assisted the family in managing the grief and loss while encouraging us to begin the process of healing. Bereavement affects all people in the society, and if it is improperly managed, it may have adverse effects. Therefore, the funeral was essential for the entire family because it allowed us to mourn while we adapted to the loss. 

Reflections 

I realized that the ceremony offered order and stability despite the chaos caused by early grief. The funeral was quite remorseful because my uncle was in his mid-thirties and had so many dreams and plans. The entire family valued his input when faced with difficult situations. He was always present in difficult situations. The funeral decisions were made with his immediate family although we all gave them a helping hand. Also, the family hired a funeral director who was involved in the entire process. The ceremony assisted all of us in confirming the reality of my uncle's death. Some of my cousins had not accepted the situation until they saw the casket. The process allowed us to gradually accept that we had lost a loving relative. 

Generalizations/Principles/Theories 

The ceremony allowed the family to validate our uncle’s legacy. His widow and children highlighted the values and qualities that were worth imitating. The funeral allowed the family to describe the behavior and attitudes of my uncle who died. Some of the words that were used to describe him during the ceremony were heroic, kind, peace-loving, compassionate, warm, brave, faithful, brave, fun-loving, respectful, generous, and enthusiastic. It was also a chance to express how he had positively affected our lives. His wife read the eulogy. The ceremony also included the shared memories and a life tribute video showing the most cherished moments. The words that were shared during the funeral still echo in the minds of all the people who attended the ceremony. 

Testing and Application 

One of the most important lessons that most people acknowledged was the rising cases of cancer in the country. Most people admitted that there were affected by the condition in one way or another. Some had lost loved ones such as friends or family; some were cancer survivors while others had been diagnosed with cancer and were undergoing treatment. The disease affected different people regardless of gender, race, age or beliefs. All in all, the funeral allowed the family to cherish their memories. It ignited the need that the government and society need to improve cancer treatment. The country continues to lose important people to cancer. A cure for cancer would be one of the greatest advances in medicine. 

Dying a Good Death 

Description 

My uncle was in a lot of pain during the whole treatment process. Therefore, he took some medication that allowed him to manage most of his physical pains and it made him more comfortable especially in the last few weeks. At times, he experienced spiritual pain, and he even questioned some of his beliefs. However, one of the essential things that eased his pain is when he identified and resolved his inner conflicts. Psychosocial pain occurs when a person has certain unresolved issues with some people in his life. He made peace with all the people who had wronged him and showed more love to his wife and children. Some of the common interpersonal issues are found with close friends and families. 

Reflections 

I realized that my uncle had a few remaining wishes before he passed on. One was to see his book published. My uncle had been writing a book for almost two years. His publisher accepted to publish the book, and they sold about a hundred copies on the first day. He had achieved one of his remaining wishes. He also asked his wife to change the position of their bed so that he can always view the sunrise and sunset. They spent the last few weeks of his life as if it were the first day the two lovebirds met. He also ensured that he played as many games as he could with his children because it would have been the last months that they would spend together. 

Generalizations/Principles/Theories 

My uncle discovered two ways of finding meaning in his life: one was the works that he had contributed to the academic world such as his book and in recognizing people who he loved and the ones who loved him. His family always reminded him all the good things that he had contributed to their family. Furthermore, spending time with him made him feel that his family and friends were always there at every step he took. However, at times he wanted solitude. At times he just wanted to spend some time alone thinking or drawing while at times he wanted his family with him. In some days, he would sleep most of the time. 

Testing and Application 

I learned that my uncle wished to spend his last days at home. He did not want needless procedures that would either demean or dehumanize him with little benefit. 911, emergency rooms, and ICUs are meant to preserve life, but they may not offer the best environment for a good death. My uncle did not want to spend a lot of time in the hospital because it would have had minimal impact and would only prolong his suffering. He was quite clear and persistent regarding the procedures that would have prolonged his life or increased his suffering. He communicated the information in writing, and he communicated it to his physicians, family, and friends. Furthermore, he had a vocal advocate, his wife, who assisted him to communicate his wishes. 

Hospice Care 

Description 

The objective of the hospice care was to improve the life of my uncle who had an incurable condition. They offered to care for my uncle from the point at which his condition was declared terminal until he died. However, at times he took a break from hospice care in his home so that he could go outdoors and have fun with his friends and family. Also, he took a break when he wanted to feel normal. The hospice care placed a high value on the wishes of my uncle, dignity, and respect and aimed to tend to all his needs. They also provided for spiritual, medical, psychological, emotional, practical, and social needs of my uncle and his immediate family. Furthermore, they were also resent a few days after my uncle died. 

Reflections 

The hospice care was provided in his home apart from a few cases where he went to the hospital. He preferred spending most of his time with friends and family. Hospice care was more of a service or style of care instead of activities that take place in particular buildings. The hospice team was made up of trained volunteers, doctors, counselors, nurses, therapists, and social workers. They attempted to make my uncle feel more at home than in a care institution. They offered individual care that was designed to meet my uncle's needs in a calmer and gentle atmosphere than most hospitals. My uncle was quite comfortable under their care than spending time in hospitals. 

Generalizations/Principles/Theories 

The local hospice provided nursing and medical care including controlling some of the pain and symptoms that affected him. They also offered psychological and spiritual help, physiotherapy, bereavement care, occupational therapy, advice on certain financial issues, massage, respite care, and rehabilitation. They attempted to build back some of his strength and health through exercise. Although the hospice care was essential, everyone knew that his condition was terminal. The core belief of hospice care was that every individual should be given an opportunity to die with and pain-free and that their families will receive adequate support through the entire process. All in all, hospice care focused on caring for my uncle at home rather than attempting to cure his terminal condition. 

Testing and Application 

In the entire process, his wife acted as the main caregiver and made the essential decisions regarding my uncle. The hospice staff was available daily for 24 hours although they made regular visits to his home. I learned that the hospice team could develop a care plan that was aimed at meeting every patient's personal needs according to their symptom control and pain management. They can also counsel friends and family in the entire process. Also, they can provide the necessary equipment, drugs, and medical supplies. Moreover, they may offer respite time for the main caregiver. Hospice care is important for any individual especially when they are dying so that they can have a good death while allowing the family to begin the healing process. 

Widow 

Description 

Becoming a widow was the most unexpected and most terrible thing that happened to my aunt. Other than being heartbroken, she had no idea how to deal with particular situations because she was used to having my uncle assisting her in all the major decisions. Not only did my aunt lose the love of her life but their children also lost their beloved father. She had to take up all the responsibilities left by my uncle. The one individual who had promised to be with her forever and during the hard times was gone. Worse still, she felt that every person was staring at her whenever she was at work or when she went shopping. She felt that most people could pray while staring that they do not experience what she had undergone. 

Reflections 

I realized that people might feel awkward or behave weirdly when another person is bereaved. It was obvious that at times they may not understand how it felt. Every person meant well with texts, phone calls, emails, and phone calls but my aunt could does not give a timely response because she was still attempting to adapt or adjust to the scary new life. When my aunt could not respond in a way that may make them feel insulted. It is essential for all people to realize that behaving differently may not be the best option. Most people may think that they are helping, but at times it may only keep reminding them that they lost a loved one. 

Generalizations/Principles/Theories 

It is important for the widow to accept help when friends or family offer it. My aunt was lucky to have family and friends do whatever they could for her. Initially, she resisted their help because she felt that it was her problem and that she had to face it alone with her children. However, she realized that doing some of the things alone was quite hard and she began letting family and friends back into her life. Soon, it made her situation a little bit easier. Also, my aunt realized that some people pretended to understand her situation, but they did not. Although they meant well, my aunt decided to adjust slowly instead of rushing the healing process. 

Testing and Application 

One of the essential lessons was that things would never be the same after losing a loved one. My aunt realized that she could experience happiness again although it may be a different type of happiness. Losing a husband became part of her life, and it did not control her entire life. Although she may want her old life back, she realized that it would never happen. The acceptance allowed her to begin moving on. Furthermore, when she went out with her usual friends, she felt quite different without my uncle. However, as the children healed, so did my aunt. She had to start laughing or smiling for the sake of their young children. The anger and sadness began reducing and she approached life more positively. Although she did not forget her love, she decided to build a new life.