Interpersonal communication skills are skills that are used when two or more people are having a face-to-face conversation. For people to have productive conversations, it is important to consider the language used and the method of sending the message from one person to the other. When having a face to face conversation, it is expected that people will change the tone of their voices depending on the situation. There is also the involvement of body movements especially for the hands and facial gestures and expressions. Some examples of interpersonal communication skills include verbal and non-verbal communication, decision-making skills, listening, and negotiation. This paper will illustrate ideas and theories of interpersonal communication.
The first theory of communication is the social penetration theory. This theory was developed by Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor whereby they stated that when a relationship continues to develop between two people, communication moves from being just shallow to deeper personal levels (Littejohn & Foss, 2009). They suggested that the most in-depth conversations develop through a process of Self-disclosure and occurs when an individual proceeds with it in an orderly manner from the shallow to the deeper level. They illustrated some stages in the social penetration theory. These stages include orientation stage, effective exploratory stage, effective stage, stable stage and de-penetration stage (Littejohn & Foss, 2009). In the orientation stage, small and simple talks such as “good for you” and “me too” are used. In this stage, people follow the norm of the conversation and try to have a desirable behavior to make a good impression especially if they have a particular thing they want for example friendship (Littejohn & Foss, 2009).
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In the effective exploratory stage, two people start exploring on each other after some time. They start revealing their selves to each other and how they feel about different topics such as school and politics. Also, in this stage, people do not fully express the truth in their inner feelings and try hard to hide their weaknesses for them to be accepted. People are not more comfortable in sharing their deeper secrets and intimate feelings towards certain topics which can be called casual friendship (Littejohn & Foss, 2009). The effective stage is when the relationship becomes more serious because intimacy develops and people become more comfortable in sharing their inner feelings and secrets. Criticism in various topics starts to show which was rare in the other stages of friendship. In this case, couples may touch and kiss.
The stable stage is when the relationship between people stabilizes because the two know and understand each other. In this stage, the couple has an immediate connection to feelings and is somehow attached to each other. They can know each other’s feelings by looking at simple signs in the other partner such as body movements and facial gestures (Littejohn & Foss, 2009). Altman and Taylor say that in this stage, the relationship reaches a level where they share their personal things and can predict someone reaction towards something even before doing it. In the de-penetration stage, each partner should try and repay what the other partner has provided for the relationship in a kind way. Therefore, it is important for both partners to put an effort to the relationship by trying to communicate to prevent the backsliding of the relationship. For example in my case, my best friend and I met in the school library. We would like we would study together and sometimes discuss on issues that on structural development going on in school. Eventually, we grew to become close friends who can rely on each other when one is experiencing some personal problems. We have grown to trust each other with our secrets, especially our most embarrassing moments.
Social disclosure theory is another interpersonal communication theory whereby people try to evaluate themselves with other people (Knapp, 2002). In this stage, people will reveal their intelligence level or their athletic capabilities to see how people will relate to them. It helps people know whether they are superior or inferior in a particular section in the eyes of other. People have different information they would want to disclose, but they must decide where, when and how to disclose this information to people. Social disclosure happens in four stages which are feelings, thoughts, needs and observation (Knapp, 2002). In the observation stage, people reveal what they have experienced or done. For example, I told my friend that I moved to the countryside and in turn, he said that moving there was a good idea. In his statement, he shared his thoughts judged from my experience. The act of sharing feelings with someone include letting out an emotion. For example, by expressing how someone feels when he or she wakes up. Lastly, people disclose themselves with their needs or wants for example, when working in a company where there are vacancies; you would suggest your friend be employed because you’ve always wanted him or her to work in the same place as you (Knapp, 2002). It is expected when one discloses something the recipient of the disclosure will react. How the receiver interprets or responds to the information determines the attribution of the information which can be situational or dispositional.
Uncertainty Reduction Theory is a theory in communication that deals with the ability of people to predict behaviors when holding a conversation to reduce doubt (Baxter, 2008). Doubt in a conversation rises when there are many alternatives for explaining a certain situation. The ability to foresee where a conversation is heading eases the way of going forward in a conversation. There are two forms of uncertainty which are cognitive and behavioral. Cognitive involves the degree of uncertainty related to understanding someone as an individual and behavioral involves the uncertainty on how people will react to something. This happens mostly when new people meet. However, there are four strategies to reduce uncertainty. These strategies include passive, active, interactive and acceptance strategy (Baxter, 2008). In the passive strategy, one observes the other’s actions and gets to know what kind of people they are. In the active strategy, the individual takes a step of talking to the person to get more information. In the interactive strategy, the two people get involved in a conversation that they can hold for a while. In the acceptance strategy, the two individuals accept each other what they are and cope with it. For example, when I met my friend Michael in the library, it was so hard to cope with this behavior of chewing while we were studying but as time went by I understood why he chewed which was because it would help him stay awake for long hours when studying. I had to cope with that behavior even though I did not like it.
Relational Dialectics Theory in communication was introduced in the year 1988 by Leslie Baxter and Barbera M. Matgomery. This theory focuses on the contradictions and tensions that occur in relationships (Harvey & Housel, 2011). It suggests that a relationship between two people from different backgrounds conciliates in many ways. Over time, these tensions and pressure recur in nature which is sustains a relationship. A relationship experiences dialectics like openness and closeness where it is expected both partners have open conversations to maintain a healthy relationship, but on the contrary, an individual partner would want privacy. Certainty is a major factor that bonds a relationship, but most partners experience uncertainty hence making a relationship very uncomfortable. For example in my case, I couldn’t tell my friend that I couldn’t make it to his party because my mom insisted we visit our grandparents over the weekend. I didn't want to tell him because in some way this would make him feel that I am not there for him during his special days. This almost ruined our relationship and from that, I learned that being open to someone close to me is very important to maintain a healthy relationship.
Conclusion
From this paper, it is clear that interpersonal communication skills are essential to the maintenance of a healthy conversation. It is also important to understand the theories of communication because they help us understand important aspects of communication. For example, in the social penetration theory, we can understand other people’s feelings towards other things and also gives us more understanding of why it is important to give other people time to express themselves. Through these theories, I have learned to gain trust from other people by being truthful.
References
Baxter, L. A., & Braithwaite, D. O. (2008). E ngaging theories in interpersonal communication: Multiple perspectives . Los Angeles: Sage Publications.
Harvey, V. L., & Housel, T. H. (2011). Faculty and first-generation college students: Bridging the classroom gap together . San Francisco, Calif: Jossey-Bass.
Knapp, M. L. (2002). Handbook of interpersonal communication . Thousand Oaks, Ca. [u.a.: Sage Publ.
Littlejohn, S. W., & Foss, K. A. (2009). Encyclopedia of communication theory. Los Angeles, Calif: Sage.
