Sexuality is one of the least talked and discussed subject both in schools and at home. According to Satcher, sexuality is a very important component of the human life as sexual health is key to both mental and physical body functioning (Satcher, 2001). Sexual development process starts as early as between 5-7 years where a child starts developing interest in the other sex, starts questioning about their origin and finally starts taking interest in their own bodies (Crooks & Baur, 2008). Normally, it is at this stage in time that parents ought to start teaching their children on issues of their sexuality, however, this is always not the case.
The most common misconception about sexuality and sexual issues is that they are always an adult topic and ought to be discussed by grownups alone. This false perception still holds water until date if most sexual socialization stories including mine are anything to go by. In order to understand the sexual socialization process and why parents ought to critically pass this crucial information to their kids, am going to discuss what my parents told me concerning sexuality and sexual issues as a child and as an adolescent verse vie what is taught in schools.
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Childhood sexual socialization stage
A child’s early development years are normally the most important years of life. At this point, children do have very little comprehension of what they are going through, however they tend to imitate most actions done by grownups and literally question most things. During my childhood, playing house was one of the most common ways how I would come to learn and understand about the human sexuality and sexual issues. Among a host of friends, we would gather and assemble our play toys either at my place backyard or one of my friends. Through visual imitation of the home setting and what we knew out of movies, we would play roles according to what happens back home. Characteristically, the biggest bodied male child would get to play father while a female counterpart would play mother and the rest of us would play kids. Some if the questions that would arise often at this stage included how did children come into play? Why are mothers different from fathers?
However, as time went by and I grew of age, certain things become evident. For instance, as opposed to playing the child role often, I too would play the parental role. Instead of asking whether children were always dropped from heaven or were bought from shopping stores, I become more observant of the physical changes of either my neighbors or teachers at school. At this point in time around the age of twelve my cognitive abilities had increased a little bit and I was more aware of my sexuality as opposed to what was being passed across by my parents.
Different studies have shown that despite parents being the most effective and best placed individuals when it comes to teaching children issues concerning sexuality and sexual health, they shy away or worse still misguide them. Since time and information always catches up with children during their developmental years as it did with me, Crooks and Baur recommends that parents should always try their best, talk and reconnect with their kids on issues sexuality and sexual health in a language developmentally healthy to their age and one that they will understand (Crooks & Baur, 2008). Additional follow up is also advised in order to ensure that the children comprehend their sexuality.
Adolescent sexuality
Parental communication about sexual topics varies widely from family to family. In general, parents tend to focus on safety issues such as STIs, HIV, and pregnancy and on abstinence until marriage or a loving relationship, than on relationship issues, sexual difficulties, and behaviors (Epstein & Ward, 2008). This statement is a true reflection of basically what transpires in most families with adolescents. Despite the fact that our parents too underwent through this stage at some point in life, to them sexuality and sexual health are always discussed under very low tones. As opposed to other issues, it takes an adolescent child to form a strong bond in order to for them to be able to share on matters regarding sexuality. This however ought not to be the case as an adolescent ought to be made aware of important sexual issues before they occur in their bodies.
Technically, sexual socialization with adolescent has now moved to social media. With the rampant use of technological devices such as the smartphones, adolescent are now resolving to this sources in order to get their information. Even the minority of the adolescents who are getting advice from parents on serious issues of sexuality, the majority are still relying on peer information and what the internet feeds have to offer regarding sexuality. One common observation with most adolescents in school is social groups, both the male and female gender. As opposed to discussing educational issues, these groups basically discusses sexual issues such as dating, kissing and intercourse, exchanging ideas and tips according to how they know and what the standard measure is. Thanks to the social media this discussions extends way past the school compound.
Comparison
When it comes to matters sexual socialization one thing is for sure, almost all experiences are the same. Basically, the scholarly studies and research carried out in this field have a sharp resemblance with the experience I had with my parents both as a child and during adolescents. For instance, the fact that my parents would lie on the fact that babies were shopped in stores is prove of Byers and friends assertion that, It is not uncommon for parents to have one rather uninformative, uncomfortable talk with their children when they begin to ask questions (Byers & Weaver, 2008) . A sticking comparison of my experience and research studies can also be seen at the adolescent stage. Inasmuch as we talk with my parents, issues on reproductive sexuality and sexual intercourse will always be an issue to be discussed in school.
Sexuality and sexual health is no big deal or secret, however the matter in which it is approached reflects an exact opposite picture. Since sexual socialization can be learnt from a number of sources including parents, social media, peers, sex educators and educational institutions, emphasis ought to be put in this media in order to guarantee children accurate and timely information. Of importance, parents ought to be educated and made aware about the role they play in this sexual socialization equation. As a way of achieving this, stakeholders in the sexual health industry have a task of providing and arranging educational information on how sexual information can be learnt and passed down to children right from their tender age until they mature and comprehend issues on their own.
References
Byers, E.S., Sears, H.A., & Weaver, A.D. (2008). Parents' reports of sexual communication with children in Kindergarten to grade 8. Journal of Marriage and Family, 70, 86-96.
Crooks, R. & Baur, K. (2008). Our Sexuality (10th Ed.). Australia: Thomson-Wadsworth.
Epstein, M., & Ward, M.L. (2008). "Always use protection": Communication boys receive about sex from parents, peers, and the media. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 37, 113-126.
Satcher D, The Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Promote Sexual Health and Responsible Sexual Behavior , Washington, DC: Department of Health and Human Services, 2001.
