Discussions that involve the current state of marriage in the family has gained many contributions from different quarters including academicians, politicians, and many social commentators. This is because the institution of marriage is currently experiencing a rapid decline with increasing levels of divorce and the rapid growth of cohabitation including the increasing number of ex-nuptial births. Most social commentators are in agreement that this trend is representative of a retreat from marriage with others terming it as a marriage crisis. In these modern times fewer people seem interested in getting married and even fewer commit to marry (Parker, 2005). Many people no longer view married of being of significance as it once were. Men are the most affected gender that does not view marriage in a positive manner.
However, the question that needs to be answered is why marriage no longer attracts the goodwill that it once did. The main reason why people no longer get married is because of social barriers such as marital expectations and aspirations, marriage financial standards, childbearing norms, an aversion to divorce, quality of relationships, and children by other partners. However, disadvantaged women and men value marriage but are unable to meet the high standards of financial stability and relationship quality needed to avoid divorce or sustain a marriage. Even though they hold marriage in high esteem, most disadvantaged individuals do not see it as a necessary institution for bearing children. It is common to find both or either parent, in a family that is not married, having a child by another partner. Additionally, economic barriers might include aspects such as marriage tax, women’s economic earnings, and men’s economic earnings. The disregard for marriage in many civilized societies is of grave concern to authorities which need to emphasize the benefits of children living with both their biological fathers including the effects that high conflict relationships can have on children. However, the main reason why people are reluctant to marry is because of lack of financial stability. To sum it up, people avoid getting married due to both social and financial barriers which limit their capacity to sustain the marriage.
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Cohabitation and Even though evidence indicate that individuals still intend or want to marry, concerns have been raised over the declining number of people engaged in marrying. The root causes for the decline in marriage are often complex and interwoven. It is difficult to ascertain whether a given factor is either a cause or a consequence or both. For instance, cohabitation can serve as a good example representing this complexity. This phenomenon is not only considered as a primary factor that has contributed to the deinstitutionalization of marriage but also as one that arose out of the changes in the meaning of marriage (Cherlin 2004). In the modern times, the meaning of marriage has dramatically changed from what it used to be in the past. For example, nowadays, one does not need to get married to be considered an adult so as to purchase property, or have legal or social status. The rapid changes that have occurred to the institution of marriage have changed behavior from being governed by social norms but by individual concerns. Cohabitation has dealt a big blow to the element of enforceable trust that was found in marriage. The commitment made to close family, friends, and religious people in public during marriage is no longer applicable when partners cohabit together.
Moreover, there have also occurred transformations in both material and cultural values which have affected the institution of marriage. Marriage has transformed itself to become a political and economic institution where love is not considered to be of primary importance. In the past, love was taken as the primary reason why people engaged in marriage. However, this trend changed in the 1960s when education was regarded as the key to success and many people pursued education and their careers at the expense of marriage. The trend led to declining birth rates and an increase in dual earners in the family. Marriages during this period were individualized which led to changes in family laws such as the no-fault divorce. High divorce rates had a considerable impact on the avoidance or delaying of marriages. Marriages no longer provide a sense of security and emotional attachments because of loose social connections created by divorce. Marriage has become a risk of insecurity and psychological problems making many individuals to shy away from it. This is one of the main reasons that led to the emergence and growth of cohabitation.
The widespread access to contraception has been identified as one of the reasons why most people preferred cohabitation to marriage. This is because it rapidly eroded the connection between marriage, parenting, sexual activity, childbirth, and conception. Increased levels of secularization gave women the autonomy to be independent and avoid the dependence associated with marriage (Seltzer 2004). Cohabitation also gave most people an alternative to marriage which was viewed as presenting huge expectations which was sometimes difficult opt meet. However, the primary reason why people prefer to choose cohabitation over marriage is because of security and economic stability. Many couples find it difficult and expensive to marry and to sustain marriage and therefore choose to cohabit because it is not only less expensive but also offers the benefits of support and intimacy. Hover, it should be noted that there is a high likelihood of incidences of marriage rising if couples are guaranteed economic stability. Nonetheless, there are higher numbers of cohabiting couples with economic stability. In the same way that the meaning of marriage has changed, cohabiting has also transformed over the years. The place of cohabitation in the family has differed depending on the degree of policy, social and legal acceptance. It has led to the development of different types of cohabiting relationships including casual, temporary, and convenient relationships. These are relationships that does not need a lot of commitment but still provide intimacy that lasts as long as the partners wish to.
Sometimes, cohabiting is a form of test for relationships to find out if a marriage can be successful. It can also be used as an alternative to marriage due to perceptions and pragmatic views about marriage. There are other reasons why cohabitation is used by couples instead of marriage. However, some people will only cohabit with their partners if it promises to culminate into a marriage. The prevalence in cohabitation and its widespread presence is a result of its acceptance in many countries across the world. There are instances where it is a limited from mainstream society, and then it is used as a way of testing a relationship before marriage. It can then be used an alternative to marriage which might also include parenthood. Finally, it reaches a stage where it can no longer be distinguished from marriage. This type of relationship can be regarded as a form of marriage that has not been officially formalized.
When viewed as a variety of marriage, the partners in the relationship consider themselves as being married. Initially, they might have started out living together as a trial or due to several reasons such as housing problems or unexpected pregnancy. After living together for a long period of time, the couple consider themselves as being married even though they are still unmarried. On the other hand, there are some couples who will start cohabiting while still unmarried with marriage in mind. They consider it as a trial period in preparation for marriage. However, it is not certain if marriage will occur or not despite the duration of the relationship. The intention was simply a conscious preparation for marriage but not prerequisite for marriage.
The prevalence of cohabitation in countries such as Spain and Greece is limited from mainstream society where a majority of the population consider marriage. However, in Sweden and Denmark, cohabitation is so prevalent that it has led to a rapid decline in marriage rates. It is considered as an alternative to marriage. It should be noted that cohabitation is unstable in nature and brings forth children who are born of unmarried parents. Most cohabiting relationships also involve children, a fact that makes them to be more stable than that that do not have children. Additionally, not many cohabiting relationships end up in marriage due to their convenience and instability. The reasons why individuals decide to live together instead of engaging in marriage explain why such relationships are unstable. Its instability may also be a result of its acceptance in the kinship system. This type of arrangement is not equated to marriage and, therefore, does not have the informal and formal support that is usually accorded to marriage.
Furthermore, cohabitation has a long-term effect on the children who end up being raised by parents who are not married. Studies shows that children who are raised by married parents perform better in many areas than those raised by unmarried parents. Cohabiting is, therefore, problematic to children especially when it ends up in separation. There is a possibility that an intergenerational transmission of the values of cohabitation and an increasing rate of children from unmarried parents might led to the acceptance of cohabitation as an equivalent to marriage. The fact that cohabitation can become the way to the formation of the family unit will make it become as stable as any marriage. Studies conducted about cohabitation indicate that in Quebec, Canada, there is are a large number of cohabiting families whose stability can only be equated to that found in marriages (Le Bourdais & Lapierre-Adamcyk, 2004).
Many people who prefer to cohabit view it as a prelude to marriage. The partners are simply attempting to live together with the intention of getting married in the near future. Some of these relationships usually end up in marriage while others just break up. The couples have commitment to one another but it is not necessarily for the long term. They, therefore, do not see the importance of marriage in this arrangement.
It is a paradox that many people avoid marriage as an institution despite it being regarded in high esteem. It is true that marriage brings with it some form of prestige in the contemporary world as compared to the past. Many people consider it as a form of achievement and not merely as a rite of passage as it were. The institution of marriage is held in high esteem thus making it much more difficult to attain and meet the standards it has set for itself. It is for this reason that most individuals who fall on the low income bracket do not see any possibilities of getting married. The expectations of the low income earners about marriage is the same as those of the middle class. However, these expectations are beyond the reach of the low income earners who now view marriage as a pipe dream (Edin, Kefalas and Reed 2004). Many individuals require to acquire property such as mortgage and car loans before they marry. They also need to have some form of savings as well as surplus money to spend on a good wedding. It is also in agreement that the man is supposed to provide for his whole family both financially and emotionally.
On the other hand, women need a male partner that is committed, devoted, understanding, and all those virtues. A woman that lacks trust in a man will delay any type of marriage for a longer period of time until she finds the man who fits the profile. Women feel that it is irresponsible to rush into marriage before one has organized herself. Many women feel that being well prepared before committing oneself to marry is a good way of avoiding divorce. Strong and stable marriages can only be ensured when aspects of social context such as healthcare, housing, economic development and many others, are taken into consideration.
In a nutshell, people avoid marriage due to social and financial factors which makes them to either cohabit or forget about marriage. For those who prefer to cohabit over marriage believe that the commitment involved in cohabitation is similar to the one found in marriage. Even though some cohabitants are less committed to their relationship, there are also marriages that exhibit the same level of commitment. Many individuals experience and view cohabitation as another form of marriage. Some even consider it to be a prelude to the real marriage itself. Marriage is viewed as a legal and formal arrangement which some people compare to a longer period of cohabitation and, therefore, as good as marriage. They see it as an effective way of practicing committed relationships with their partners including the raising of children. These actions are rational even though cohabitation does not offer legal security as marriage does. It should also be noted that the institution of marriage is also undergoing rapid changes where the frequency of divorce is high. This brings in another notion that in fact marriage is nowadays being treated as another variety of cohabitation. A primary perception of unmarried couples is the institution of marriage is similar to that of cohabitation in that, in both, there is the aspect of trying to combine commitment with personal freedom. It is therefore, not true to say that the decrease in rate of marriages and an increase in the rate of cohabitation is a result of the breakdown in families.
References
Cherlin, A. (2004). The deinstitutionalisation of American marriage. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66, 4, 848-861.
Edin, K., Kefalas, M.J. & Reed, J.M., (2004). A peek inside the black box: What marriage means for poor unmarried parents. Journal of Marriage and Family , 66, 4, 1007-1014.
Le Bourdais, C., & Lapierre-Adamcyk, E. (2004), Changes in conjugal life in Canada: Is cohabitation progressively replacing marriage ? Journal of Marriage and Family , vol. 66, 4, 929-942.
Parker, R. (2005). Perspectives on the future of marriage. Family Matters, 72.
Seltzer, J.A. (2004). Cohabitation in the United States and Britain: Demography, kinship, and the future”, Journal of Marriage and Family, 66, 4, 921-92.
