The relationship on focus of the instant assignment is a special friendship that I share with Sean, a young man I met in High School. To qualify the term special, I have never been a social person ever since my childhood, thus Sean would be the first person that I consider a good friend, with the term erstwhile referring to acquaintances. I became acquainted with Sean twenty months ago and we seemed to take an interest, but not a liking to one another from the very get go. Be it coincidence or fate, our paths seemed to always cross in class and even co-curriculum activities, normally in ways that had a potential to create friction. However, no friction ever arose, a fact that I would mainly credit to the superior mannerisms and tendencies of Sean and eventually we got talking and were soon good friends. We started as study-mates, a fact that led us to realize that our interests were quite aligned. Within a few weeks, we found ourselves longing for each other’s company and looking forward to the next study sessions. Our conversations would eventually stray from academic subjects to general life issues; past, current and future and soon Sean knew more about me than perhaps anyone I know. Even after graduating from High School, we have been in constant touch, albeit we do not spend as much time together as we used to. Based on the Knapp's relational development model, I would say our relationship is at the intensifying stage.
One Short Term and Long Term Attraction Factor
The short term attraction that I would give most credit for the advent of the relationship is proximity. Having been a loner for most of my earlier life, I would not say that I was per se looking for a friend. Further, there were no active factors that would actively push Sean into my life and cause him to become a friend. Having also had a chance to better understand my friend, I strongly doubt that he was out actively looking for a friend either. Coincidences, however, ensured that our paths would consistently cross, resulting in a near constant proximity. We found ourselves taking similar lessons and requiring the same amenities outside the classrooms such as in the library and laboratories. I enjoy watching badminton, so does Sean albeit we would almost always be cheering opposite teams. Being always near one another created an element of familiarity.
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Many factors have led to our long term attraction but I would give most credit to reciprocity. Sean is a giver and I would always find myself propelled to respond in kind. In moments of intense study more so in the rundown to assessment tests, he would exhibit selflessness and doggedly push me into understanding concepts that I had erstwhile considered incomprehensible. I also found it easy to reciprocate and come to his aid and assist whenever I was capable of. Through the sharing, we got closer and days went by thus moving the acquaintance into a good and then great friendship.
Type of Power Relationship and Powers Shared
Contemporary youth is flaunted with peril making being young in this day and age a careful balancing act. If one is too careful, then life might pass by without actually living it due to the fear of taking a wrong turn. The inverse is also true in that being too liberal in the modern age will almost always lead to a crisis. The above-mentioned is at the essence of the power relationship between Sean and I. As aforementioned I happen not to be a social person, thus quite reserved. I also tend to always seek to err on the side of caution than on the side of speed thus averse to experimenting. Sean on the other part is a kind of extrovert who believes that we only live once and thus should make the best out of it. As our friendship intensified, I have to admit that it was Sean who took me to his world more than I took him to my reclusive one. I still retained an element of caution in our endeavors but I found myself gradually loosening up in the process. It can, therefore, be said that I hold the power of slowing things down and keeping us sober while Sean is the propellant who pushes the both of us into experimentation and finding out the best in life.
Importance of Attraction and Power in a Relationship
An important adage kindred to relationships indicates that it is impossible for two people to travel together unless they are capable of arriving at a mutual consensus. The traveling together aspect is closely kindred to the attraction as it relates to not only spending time together but also wanting to see or communicate to one another after parting . Mutual consensus on the other part relates to power in a relationship as unless one party cedes some power to the other and vice versa, there cannot be a consensus (Weiten et al, 2014) . Therefore, attraction and power are fundamental both in the formation of a relationship and also in the retention of one. It is the attraction, be it physical, character, substance, or circumstance that both brings people together into a relationship. Attraction also causes individuals to last with each other long enough for the relationship so built to blossom. It is also attraction that brings people back together in the case of a disagreement of development of a physical or emotional distance. On the other hand, no two people can have absolute congruency in mind and character thus no two people would always want to be in the same place, doing the same thing all the time, even if they are Siamese twins (Weiten et al, 2014) . This means that for a relationship to be forged and also to thrive, at any one time, one member in the relationship will be dominant and the other submissive. This is the significance of power in a relationship without which, it can never stand.
Area That Needs Improvement
The one major area within the relationship that needs improvement is in the arena of power. Sean and I are no longer in the same locality as we each joined different colleges but we are in constant touch and also meet regularly. However, our conversations have increasingly been going better than our meetings which in some cases I have even been creating passive excuses to avoid. This is because when it comes to power and influence, Sean has an uncanny level of control over me. In many cases, in spite of my best efforts, I will always find us doing what he wants to do. Unless we find a way for improving the power balance in the relationship, there is a genuine threat that we might end up merely communicating without a meeting or no friends at all. I need to find a way of imposing my will upon him and causing him to adhere to it sometimes since currently, he seems to be doing it all the time.
Strategy to Manage the Relationship
The instant relationship is on the verge of a crisis. For a start, there is a physical distance between Sean and I and the same has placed impediments on the relationship. This is more so because, from the very advent, the relationship has been built on proximity. The second cause of the crisis as indicated above is lack of power balance. Therefore, managing the relationship will require eliminating the crisis as well as moving the relationship forward (Cahn, 2013) . The first relationship management skill necessary is communication. Openly using communication will create the need for the second relationship management skill to wit, conflict resolution. The hard conversation about power will most definitely result in a large conflict or a collection of them. This will require effective conflict resolution mechanisms premised on consensus building.
Application of the two Skills
In this regard, increase in communication volume as well as tact and honesty will be necessary. With regard to volume, distance relationships always suffer the risk of petering out. To enable a long distance relationship to thrive, there is need not only to have a high but not too high, amount of communication going on but also making it regular in nature (Cahn, 2013) . Further, I need to openly inform Sean about what I feel about the balance of power in the relationship even as we chart the right way forward. This is the kind of communication that is best done on a face to face basis so as to avoid the awkwardness and propensity for miscommunication that may happen through electronic communication.
With regard to conflict resolution, this will be geared towards establishing a consensus on the contentious issue of power in the relationship (Cahn, 2013) . This is a two-way issue that will require me to understand Sean and his inclinations even as I seek to have him understand mine. Consensus in this regard cannot happen without compromise and mutual sacrifice. Only then will the relationship be saved and also reverted to its thriving ways. Communication and conflict resolution can also escalate , maintain, or decrease intimacy in the relationship. All three can be achieved through proper communication leading to the establishment of a mutual understanding. Decreasing intimacy can also be achieved when communication and conflict resolution are not used effectively.
References
Cahn, D. D. (Ed.). (2013). Intimates in conflict: A communication perspective . New York: Routledge
Weiten, W., Dunn, D. S., & Hammer, E. Y. (2014). Psychology applied to modern life: Adjustment in the 21st century . Boston, Massachusetts: Cengage Learning
