Domestic Violence: What You Need to Know

Intimate partner or domestic violence is among the problems afflicting the US that has not received much attention. The nation has failed to adequately protect men and women who endure abuse and violence at the hands of their partners. In her TED talk, Leslie Morgan (2012) describes her experience with domestic abuse. In particular, she addresses a question that many hold: why do abuse victims stay in dangerous and unhealthy relationships? By responding to this question, Morgan enlightens her audience regarding the complex dynamics of domestic violence. Among the issues that become clear from her talk is that domestic violence is essentially a trap that makes it nearly impossible for victims to seek or find redemption.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), domestic violence is highly prevalent in the US. Figures shared by this organization indicate that as many as 25% of men and 10% of women have experienced some form of domestic violence. It is indeed unfortunate that despite the gains that it has made, the US seems unable to completely eliminate domestic violence. The talk by Morgan allows one to understand the serious hurdles that the country faces in its quest to protect victims. The main message that Morgan conveys through the talk is that there are numerous factors that discourage victims of domestic violence from walking away. According to Morgan, the question of why the victims stay is insulting and essentially amounts to blaming the victims. I had to agree with Morgan. It is unfair to challenge victims to seek safety without a proper understanding of the trap that is domestic violence. Morgan makes it clear that many victims are desperate in their desire to find peace, safety and comfort. However, many fear that any attempt to flee will be met with even more violence. I found this to be heartbreaking. It must be frightening for victims who feel trapped and part of societies that do not recognize the immense obstacles that they face. Personally, I feel that our society needs to familiarize itself with the damage that domestic violence causes. It is only with this understanding that we can make significant gains in our effort to combat this menace.

Before watching Morgan’s talk, I had always felt that domestic violence is confined to particular groups. For example, I believed that poor, unemployed and uneducated women bore the brunt of this problem. While I still believe that this group constitutes a majority of the victims, Morgan challenged me to broaden my understanding of domestic violence. She is a graduate of Harvard College and has worked for a number of Fortune 500 companies. Despite her education and work experience, she was still a victim of domestic violence. Through the talk, she insists that she is not an outlier. Instead, she is part of a large group of successful women who endure domestic violence in silence. I think that it is surprising that advanced education and working for high profile companies does not offer much protection against domestic violence. This fact should prompt the US to spare no effort in its war to eradicate the domestic violence problem. As it develops interventions, the country should do so with the understanding that domestic violence affects all: men, women, children, the unemployed, the educated, the uneducated…

How domestic violence occurs is another issue that Morgan talks about. She suggests that most domestic violence cases follow an interesting pattern. A key component of this pattern is isolating the victim from their social circle. Morgan describes how her husband persuaded her to quit her job and move with him to a new state. Since she loved him deeply and recognized that sacrifices are required for healthy relationships, she enthusiastically joined her husband in his new life. Morgan narrates how the move to the new state set the stage for more abuse. Her description of the beatings and the insults that she received causes one to develop a fresh perspective on domestic violence. Thanks to her talk, I now understand that perpetrators of domestic violence can be manipulative and act strategically. By isolating their victims, they make it nearly impossible for them to find help. Isolated, the victims are simply unable to report their abuse.

The main insight that I obtained from Morgan’s talk is that fleeing domestic violence demands tremendous boldness. She describes how after over two years of violence and abuse, she eventually gathered the courage to leave her husband. Morgan makes it clear that this decision was not easy. She understood that her husband could still pursue her and inflict even greater harm. However, the decision to leave allowed her to find new love. She is now a happily married mother who has authored a book on domestic violence. The success that she has achieved should inspire other victims of domestic violence. These victims should know that they can reclaim their lives. All they need is to recognize the dangers of ‘crazy love’ and to seek help. However, the victims should not be expected to escape without support. Societies should ensure that the victims are provided with all the resources and support that they require to rebuild their lives and insulate themselves against domestic violence and other forms of abuse.

In conclusion, domestic violence remains a grave challenge that the US must confront. Morgan highlights the damage that this problem causes. In addition to causing physical harm, domestic violence also leaves psychological scars that take many years to heal. There is no question that domestic violence victims need support. Instead of wondering why the victims simply will not walk away, societies should ask what they can do to alleviate the anguish and desperation that the victims grapple with.

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). (2019). Preventing intimate partner violence. CDC. Retrieved September 1, 2019 from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/fastfact.html

Morgan, L. (2012). Why domestic violence victims don’t leave. TED. Retrieved September 1, 2019 from https://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave#t-100704