Family Perspectives: A Collection of Essays on Family Life

As the basic unit of a society, a family is ideally the bond between individuals who in most cases can be related by blood. In addition, these individuals at times live together though is not mandatory. Just like any other organization, different family units have distinct cultures and practices. Also, specific individuals have identified characteristics or habits that in most cases are key determinants of how the members of the family relate with each other. Besides internal factors like the morals and habits of family members; some external elements like the economy, society, and the demographics among others, influences the way this basic unit operates. As a result, individuals may have their own view on the events observed within this institution. In some cases, family members develop distinct perspectives of the various events while some may have a common view of the same (Head Start- Eclkc, 2018). It is therefore fundamental for other relevant persons and institutions to understand the perspectives of each family member primarily to have a clue of how to handle some issues. For instance, in a school setting where the teacher complains of their student’s lack of finishing their assignments, it may take the effort of involving a guardian or parent (Head Start- Eclkc, 2018). 

The core reasons for these are to facilitate an understanding of why the student fails to finish their assignments. With clear explanations from each party, it is then easy for the teacher to collaborate with the student and guardian emphasizing on a good relationship and focus on the success of student. 

Focusing on shared family perspectives, we shall take a look at an interview I conducted between a mother and daughter. The two have had to put aside their differences and misunderstanding to ensure that their family stood firm after the loss of the breadwinner who was the husband and father to the two respectively. 

Background Information 

Being a social worker in one of the renowned rehabilitation centers, I had an opportunity to meet Anna, an enlightened fourteen-year-old girl. Anna, who happens to be living with her mother Joy, was brought to the rehab center a year ago. Anna being a young beautiful girl was in the seventh grade at the time she was found unconscious at her mother’s sitting room. On reaching her, Anna was in a state of fighting for her life because she was gasping for air and struggling to breath. The mother quickly called the emergency lines and after few minutes, the ambulance arrived to take her to hospital. From the medics, it was reported that Anna had overdosed herself with a hard drug in this case cocaine. Joy on the other hand, seemed to be a silent woman who talked only when addressed. She seemed to be one who kept so much to herself. On the contrary, she was ever wearing a smile on her face. At times she would just quietly and intentionally avoid a question by directly looking into the eye of the one talking to them and smile taking extremely deep breaths. 

Joy was married to Mr.Hawk who was also the father to Anna. Together they had a set of twins who were Anna and his brother Andy. Joy and her husband Hawk had lived for fifteen years before death separated them. According to both Anna and Joy, they had a perfect family until the fateful event of an accident that took the lives of Mr. Hawk and his son Andy who was Anna’s twin. Both went into depression which contributed to disconnect between the mother and daughter. Having lost two loved ones at a go on the 13 th birthday of the twins really disoriented both Joy and Anna making it difficult to relate as they used to. While the mother was so heartbroken from losing a husband a son, Anna had also lost a father and twin brother on a twinkle of an eye. The lives of Mr. Hawk and his son Andy were cut short after the two had gone out to get gifts for their female family members. Anna and Joy were on the same spree since this was what the twins had asked for on their 13 th birthday. While Joy had planned a surprise party without the other entire member’s knowledge which was to be held in a restaurant that they were to have dinner together; was rudely got unaware with the news on television of a car that rolled off a cliff. To her surprise, the car was her husband’s and it happened that Andy was on board too. Unfortunately, the two never got out alive for the car caught fire. 

The aftermath was the two being in denial of having lost their loved ones and depression cropped in. Anna lost her mother to stress and she too succumbed to depression that led her to intoxication and use of illicit drugs. Their presence in our rehab center was to ensure that the two undergo treatment, therapy, and counseling to ensure that they healed from the loss of their loved ones and embraced life. It is for this reason among others that I as a social worker in the institution prompted an interview that was geared towards finding out the source and cause of the mental state of Anna and Joy. On the other hand, having a clear view of their perspectives particularly on the family life enlightens on the possible solutions created to settle the underlying challenges. 

Interview Topics and Protocols 

In order to get a clear picture of which Anna and Joy were, their likes, dislikes, and past experiences, it was necessary to inquire a lot that included private matters. For instance, it was necessary for them to highlight the kind of home they had before the death of Hawk and Andy. Considering that before the deaths, the family was made up of four members and how they related was an essential aspect that highlights the depths of intimacy among each one of them. It was also necessary for both Anna and Joy to give a brief of the things they looked forward to with their loved ones in the years to come. Some of the questions outlined in the interviews are listed below. 

Questions for Anna 

Kindly describe how your childhood was like? 

How did you, your father, and Andy spend time or relate? 

Between your father (Hawk) and mother (Joy), who was your favorite parent? 

Had it crossed your mind that one day you would cry over the death of one of your family members? 

How did you feel and react on the knowledge that you father and brother were no more? 

How did your life transform after the occurrence of these deaths? 

What led you to indulge in cocaine use? 

Why did you shut your mother out during the years of mourning? 

Kindly explain briefly what you had in mind for the future of your family? 

As a twin to Andy, how exactly do you feel that he is no more? 

Questions for Joy 

How was your marriage like before you had children? 

How did you, your husband, and Andy spend time or relate? 

Did you have a favorite child between Anna and Andy? 

Had it crossed your mind that one day you would cry over the death of one of your family members? 

How did your life transform after the occurrence of these deaths? 

How did your life transform after the occurrence of these deaths? 

What led to you keeping too much to yourself? 

Why did you shut Anna out during the years of mourning? 

Kindly explain briefly what you had in mind for the future of your family? 

How does it feel that you lost a son and husband at the same time? 

From the interview protocols, it is obvious that each member of this unit has defined roles and is distinct from the other. On the contrary, it is also clear that as family members, they share defined values and elements that define who they are and what they probably stand for. 

Comparison and Contrast of the Interviews 

According to Anna, she had a blissful childhood. She felt loved considering that the love between her parents was evident. On the other hand, she enjoyed having an awesome brother with whom she says their bond was strong and was inseparable. Anna affirmed that her parents gave them everything they desired from material stuff to emotional aspects. She felt complete around her family. On the other hand, Anna said that Andy was more of a brother to her considering they did so much together from home to school. Her parents on the other hand, readily availed themselves to the children and were committed to the family. Anna confirmed that it was through her parents that she and her brother learnt significant virtues and values. Joy on the other hand, affirmed a beautiful life together with the husband both before and after having children. Her husband’s attributes and morals were key aspects as to which she longed to spend her entire life with him. According to Joy, her life after having children was heavenly and blissful for they had a set of adorable twins. Having a supportive husband made it easier for her as a mother to bring up and care for the children with ease. As a family and parents, Joy and her husband were focused on ensuring that their home was a ‘heaven on earth.’ They desired to give their children everything possible. Life according to her was exceedingly what she had dreamt for. 

The response as to how each one of them related with their late loved ones were similar in the sense that the core value of the family was love, care, and respect for all. Anna confirmed that her mother Joy ensured that everyone in the family was comfortable and their needs met. She says that her mother was ever happy and one could tell from her face. Unlike her current state where she could fake a smile, Anna was used to a bright face on her mum. The same was the case with her father who was determined to ensure that as the head of the family, protection, and provision was precise. Joy and Anna affirmed that the bond between each one of them was deep since one could tell what the other needed way before they expressed themselves verbally. It was clear from both of them that none had a favorite family member. The main reason was the fact that as a family, they had created a foundation in which all of them had to consider the needs of others more than theirs. On the other hand, it was both the mother and daughter found distinct attributes in the other family members. Hence, the chance to comparing each one of them based on their faults was unlikely. They both confirmed they had an awesome family. While death is an inevitable event in the lives of any living thing, both Joy and Anna were not prepared to let go of a loved one through their demise. In any case, they were both caught unaware. To add salt on the wound, the deaths occurred on a day of celebrating the 13 th birthday of Anna and Andy; a day that all their focus was more on the transition of the two into teenage hood. Everyone was so excited about this day and expectations were high based on the surprises that they all were looking forward to. 

Despite the wonderful times that this family had together, it was clear that the lives of Anna and Joy took a shocking turn after the deaths of Mr. Hawk and Andy. Considering that death was the last thing in their options, it left both of them in a void that none of them could fill. It is at this moment that their worlds felt apart and misunderstandings cropped in. Anna relied on her mother for comfort and the same was somewhat the case with Joy. Since none of them fully offered comfort to the other, resentment became a daily pill. Joy was always locked in her room crying and in silent, keeping so much to herself. She could not attend to Anna’s needs most of the time and kept forgetting stuff. 

Joy exclaimed that all she desired was for earth to open up and swallow her alive. On the contrary, she would again look at her daughter and feel pain for her. The two slowly became distant due to the fact that none of them understood what the other was going through. Joy was literally absent in Anna’s life because she could not attend to any of her needs. Joy’s silence pushed her teenage daughter away. As a result, Anna affirms that this also contributed to her indulgence in use of cocaine. “All I wanted was to forget everything and kill the pain inside.” She exclaimed. When she could not take it anymore, Anna thought an overdose was the better option. Each of them said that their choice to shut down was out of their lack of words to describe their feelings; a state that was not bearable and caught them off guard. 

It was evident that as a family, they had ambitious designed goals that were to meet each member’s desires. Anna and her brother Andy longed to be doctors. The parents on the other hand, were saving enough to make sure that their children got the best education that would channel them into their career choices. As mentioned earlier, the loss of a husband, son, brother, and father on a similar day affected even the dreams they had. Anna explained that together with her brother, they wanted to build a pediatric hospital in which they would offer their services. His death killed this dream too. On the other hand, used most of the financial savings they had together with the husband on Anna’s medical bills. 

Analysis 

From the interview, it is evident that the family the core institution in any society. What takes place in other forms of organizations directly affects what takes place in any family. It is the difference in habits and morals of individuals in various families that dictate arising issues and how they are handled. In relation to the materials provided in the class, family perspective are not strictly aligned to follow given trends, hence the distinction of various families and their values, views and virtues (Hawley & DeHaan, 1996) . From the responses and reactions of the interviewees, some of the data listed above elaborated more of what is recorded in the textbooks. 

From the interview, I have clearly understood that while people may be related by blood, their understanding and thinking can totally differ. Furthermore, personal demands that are not clearly stated are among the major reasons as to why individuals differ. Simple matters can be carefully handled through sharing and speaking out purposely to ensure that the issues in question do not go out of hand (Minuchin, 2013). 

In reference to the analysis, I would further investigate on the expectation of both parents and children from either party. My specific target will be on teenagers considering that most conflicts between parents and their children heighten at this stage. Moreover, the focus would be on divorced families where the teenagers have no choice but be at one parent at a time. I believe that this research would of interest to others particularly because the rate of divorce in rampant. Teenagers on the other hand experiencing the divorce of their parents tends to find a suitable ‘world’ that is ideal to their own wants. 

Conclusion 

Families have highly contributed to the development of societies and other instutions. The different cultures observed worldwide are mostly natured from the family unit and later on slowly shaped by the societal expectations. Having individuals who live together or relate closely demands an understanding of each member’s thoughts. It is on this level that one is in a position to meet the various needs of others in the family. Finally, shared family perspectives are not only focused on conflict resolutions but the flourishing of its members in every aspect. 

References 

Hawley, D., & DeHaan, L. (1996). Toward a Definition of Family Resilience: Integrating Life ‐ Span and Family Perspectives. Wiley Online Library , Vol. 35. Issue.3. Pages 283 - 298. doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.1996.00283.x. 

Head Start- Eclkc. (2018, March 2). Reflect on the family's perspective . Retrieved April 25, 2019, from Early Childhood Learning and Knowledge Center: https://eclkc.ohs.acf.hhs.gov/family-engagement/developing-relationships-families/reflect-familys-perspective 

Minuchin, S. (2013). The Family in Therapy. In R. Smith, & E. Montilla, Counseling and Family Therapy with Latino Populations - Strategies that work (p. 272). New York: Routledge.