In the modern day, it is believed that men are now more than ever displaying their emotions openly and that ancient taboos on the issue of a boy or man crying are slowly being phased out and that it almost a norm for a boy to cry. Sporting heroes, pop idols and world leaders are hardly embarrassed or ashamed to be seen shedding tears. As a matter of fact, they are applauded by for their unrestrained show of emotion. Crying is today viewed as a fashionable therapy. It is suggested that crying is healthy and that the individual in question is connected to their feelings hence he or she is willing to share, unafraid to reveal vulnerability, emotionally intelligent and is linked to their Inner Child. In the contemporary compassionate, sharing and caring the world, crying is good for everyone since it is stress-busting, detoxing, cathartic and therapeutic (Branney & White, 2008). All in all, it is okay for a boy to cry and should be encouraged to do so more often. According to the findings from one national survey, approximately 90 percent of women and 77 percent of men share the opinion that crying for men has become more acceptable within the society over the past two decades. Further comprehensive personal interviews and attention to focus groups reveal the same message. Most of the women and men reiterated that attitudes have significantly changed and the once outright taboo of a boy in tears is widely viewed as unhealthy and obsolete and that men are permitted to show their emotions in the open. One of the participants in the focus group claims that “Men getting emotional is one of the good things modern life has to offer” while another says “ I believe it is quite healthy” (Vogel et al., 2011).
As far as the gender stereotypes in a relationship are concerned, it is important to understand whether the sex disparities in crying are social or biological. Human beings are the only animal species that have the ability to shed emotional tears rather than reflex tears which are meant for getting rid or irritants or lubrication. Although animals have their own signals of distress, crying due joy, pain, stress or sorrow cuts is distinctive of humans. It is not clearly understood the origins and functions of human emotional crying. However, it is believed that humans cry for two reasons; to relieve stress or tension and relay distress to others, and to provoke emotional support and comfort.
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The sex discrepancies that exist as to the matter of crying are universal. In almost all cultures, women tend to cry more compared to their male counterparts. It is estimated that women cry about 2 or 3 times more frequently. Moreover, women cry with a higher degree of passion and are more susceptible to crying. This could suggest that the reserved attitude to crying on the part of men may be as a result of biological differences as opposed to socialization for ‘inhibition’. Experts in evolutionary psychology claim that men have evolved with lesser crying tendencies than women since crying males run the risk of placing themselves at a reproductive and physical disadvantage especially in the age of hunting and gathering. Besides, shows of weakness would render them prone to attack by other males and would repel females who sought protection from males. The odds of surviving, attracting mates and reproducing for the seemingly tougher and less tearful male males would be higher. As per evolutionary psychologists, the men in the modern day are merely descendants of such males hence are extensively reproaching about crying.
However, the sex differences in crying are not quite obvious in the case of infants below the age of two years. In fact, researchers have revealed that male babies cry more often compared to their female counterparts. This finding has paved way for the assumption that the vast crying differences in adults reflect the doings of social conditioning. Conversely, the slow manifestation of sex differences does not create an exception for a biological component since the disparities could be connected to later developmental stages, for instance, pubertal hormonal changes. To make it more vivid, baby boys are neither born with beards nor deeper voices in comparison to girls, and these differences could not be attributed to socialization (Kindlon & Thompson, 2009).
Despite the issue of crying with respect to childhood and adolescence is rather inconsistent and inconclusive to some degree, a growing body of evidence proposes that the adult sex difference where males cry substantially less often and less readily than females, begins to emerge at roughly the age of 1 years and becomes more apparent through adolescence and puberty. The surface conclusion is that it is not an increase in female tearfulness but rather a decrease in male crying. The role of male hormones especially testosterone is mainly cited as the reason for this. According to the earlier research, a woman from one of the focus groups who was employed as a matron in a boarding school reveals that she had not seen any boy in the school shed a tear for over year yet she confirms that the female students were always in tears.
Without a doubt, socialization plays a significant role in the subject of male crying. Boys are taught from an early age to refrain from crying. On the other hand, girls who cry are nonetheless accepted or even rewarded. One 38-year old man remembers the words of his father when he was young,” Man up! You should not cry or display any emotion” while another says that “It was not a straightforward command not to cry but rather more of an unspoken rule” (Vogel et al., 2011). In addition, one former sailor states that “you’re always told to tighten that upper lip up and that not crying translates to your tough’” (Vogel et al., 2011).
Across various cultures, men have a higher probability of feeling ashamed when they cry compared to women. In spite of subtle variations, the underpinning is that social norms constraining male crying are prevalent all over the world. However, social inhibition and shame have not been ratified as the sole reason for the reluctance to cry by males; even when men are alone, they still do not cry as often as women. One of the studies on crying argues that no sex dissimilarity exists regarding the number of times women and men are provoked to cry but fail to do so. The possibility that social norms have infiltrated into our beings so much that inhibition becomes automatic cannot be ruled out; where men conceal their emotions not only from others but also from themselves. One of the participants from the focus group said “I often myself trying desperately to restrain myself from crying when I was alone although there was absolutely no reason for that” (Vogel et al., 2011). It is also proposed that men tend to cry lesser times than women since they have a knack for avoiding emotional scenarios and/or that they have different perceptions of distressing situations, for instance, a beseeching problem, and have varied ways of dealing with them; either by being instrumental, active or more assertive.
Retrospectively, there is no evidence that supports the proposition that boys or men are innately less emotional compared to women- that they are intrinsically unfeeling or cold or callous. One participant from the focus group says, “I wouldn’t cry in the actual sense but would instead be really moved, despite the emotion being the same” (Vogel et al., 2011). On the contrary, all the available research points to the fact that men experience the same measure of emotion as women. For example, experiments quantifying physiological reactions including skin conductivity and heart rate indicate that men respond in equal measure to women when exposed to moving or sad films. The fact of the matter is that men express their emotions less than women; if not less ale, perhaps less willing to show emotion by crying.
Studies in the recent past have suggested that men with possessing more feminine characteristics have a higher chance of crying in comparison to alpha males. The men with more feminine traits are less inclined to holding back from displaying vulnerability or weakness hence tend to express their emotions in the open (Brannon, 2015). Insofar as androgyny is viewed as a biological or cultural phenomenon, the findings give backing to the idea of the male crying being as a result of nature or nurturing. Nevertheless, the available data shows that men are becoming more comfortable interacting with their feminine side. The debate on the issue of boys crying is along the lines nature and nurture theories. The overall conclusion is that the different crying habits of women and men involve a complex relationship between biological and cultural factors.
In conclusion, the differences between males and females in the context of crying are still prevalent. It goes without doubt that men tend to cry less often than women and this phenomenon is likely to remain unchanged going forward. However, the gradual erosion of strongly-held taboos about boys or men crying suggests that it is okay for boys to become emotional and even cry. It is imperative to realize that men and women are both human beings; and since boys or men are not robots, they have every right to cry in the presence or absence of other people.
References
Vogel, D. L., Heimerdinger-Edwards, S. R., Hammer, J. H., & Hubbard, A. (2011). “Boys don't cry”: Examination of the links between endorsement of masculine norms, self-stigma, and help-seeking attitudes for men from diverse backgrounds: Journal of Counseling Psychology , 58 (3), 368.
Branney, P., White, A. (2008). Big boys don’t cry: depression and men. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment , 14 (4), 256-262.
Kindlon, D., Thompson, M. (2009). Raising Cain: Protecting the emotional life of boys : Ballantine Books.
Brannon, L. (2015). Gender: psychological perspectives : Psychology Press.
