Reflective Listening Exercises: Feelings and Empathetic Responses

Exercises III: Reflective Listening 

Reflective Listening I 

1. “When I was in court, the defense attorney really pounded me. You know, like he thought I was lying or didn’t believe me or thought I was exaggerating.” 

FEELING: Irritated. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must have experienced discomfort during the process since you did not know what to expect. 

2. “Those dirty, lousy creeps! Everything was fine in my life, and they really, really ruined everything! I don’t care if I go on or not. Why live if someone can just take everything away from you in one night?” 

FEELING: Enraged. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must have felt angry that someone had backpedaled your progress. 

3. “I know you said this is temporary housing and all, but I never had a place like this place. I can’t stand to think I have to move again sometime, and God knows where I’ll go.” 

FEELING: Estranged. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel hurt that you have been separated from your accustomed place. 

4. “This whole setup is the pits. He gets to stay in the house after beating me half to death, and I have to go to this cramped little room. Does that make sense?” 

FEELING: Abused. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel hurt that you have to put up with the situation contrary to your desire. 

Instructions Part II:  Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes. 

Reflective Listening II 

1. “Sometimes it kind of makes me sick to think of all the stuff I did when I was drinking. I’d like to go and take it all back, but how do you ever do that?” 

FEELING: Regretful. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel the urge to change despite the irreversible nature of the occurrence. 

2. “I just can’t go out in the car. All I hear is the screech of tires and the awful thud and scrape of metal. I thought I was dying. I can see it all before me as if it was yesterday.” 

FEELING: Terrified. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: you must feel afraid of the past experience impacting your current life. 

3. “We have a neighborhood problem here! Yes, we do! A real big idiot lives in that house. A real nut! He trimmed my own yard with a string trimmer and threw stones all over my car. Ruined the paint!” 

FEELING: Provoked. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: you must be angered by the neighbor’s trespass on your property. 

4. “I never meant to get pregnant. I know everyone says that, but I didn’t! I can’t think straight. What about my job and school and all my plans? I feel sick. I feel all the time like I’m going to faint.” 

FEELING: Regretful. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel sorrowful from the unprecedented consequence. 

Instructions Part II:  Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes. 

Reflective Listening III 

1. “I can tell you now, I just can’t go back there. I just feel as if my husband will kill me one of these times.” 

FEELING: Fearful. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel afraid of the unpredictable outcome if you return. 

2. “I can’t stand those people! They made fun of that retarded kid night and day. I hope they get theirs!” 

FEELING: Annoyed. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You seem displeased by the behavior of those people. 

3. “I’ve been clean for 8 months! If you had told me this would happen a year ago, I’d have laughed in your face.” 

FEELING: Flawed. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel inadequate from the unexpected occurrence. 

4. “When I was a little kid, my mom and dad got along okay, but now they fight all the time, and my mother says my dad is on drugs and has a girlfriend. Home is like hell.” 

FEELING: Woeful. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel sad from the aggravating situation. 

Instructions Part II:  Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes. 

Reflective Listening IV 

1. “When I took that test, it was really hard. And I guess I was nervous. I mean, I couldn’t think of any of the answers.” 

FEELING: Deficient. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must have felt inadequate from the nature of the test. 

2. “Those guys are lousy! They’re always snickering and making fun of other people, especially people who have a disability. They make me sick!” 

FEELING: Infuriated. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must be put off by their improper behavior. 

3. “I know Jim said we could be buddies at swim practice, but I’m probably not as good a swimmer as he is. I feel sort of silly trying to swim with him. Maybe he would like to have a better buddy.” 

FEELING: Inferior. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel insufficient at the ides of participating alongside him. 

4. “This whole setup sucks. This other guy gets the tutor, and the teacher tells me to go home and see if my mother can tutor me. She never had this math. Math isn’t even her thing. Does that make sense?” 

FEELING: Belittled. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel hurt by the tutor’s snarky remarks. 

Instructions Part II : Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes. 

Reflective Listening V 

1. “Well, every time I go off my meds, I get kind of crazy. My minister is really putting the pressure on me to quit and let God take over my illness.” 

FEELING: Puzzled. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must fear the unknown result of the two situations. 

2. “The people at the halfway house are so nice to me, compared to the way things were with my family.” 

FEELING: Gratified. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You seem to like the way those people treat you. 

3. “You have some nerve, having the therapist see my son every week for 6 months, and then you refuse to tell me more than ‘he’s doing better.’ How do I know he’s doing better?” 

FEELING: Cranky. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You seemed angered by the situation that is contrary to your expectation. 

4. “I’ve been on the streets since 1972, and I never slept inside a night until now. I don’t know, I just can’t seem to stay out like I used to without getting this cough.” 

FEELING: Downhearted. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You seem to be sad from the unexpected turn of events. 

Instructions Part II:  Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes. 

Reflective Listening VI 

1. “I can’t believe I was that intoxicated! I just don’t believe it. Their gizmo must have been broken or something. I just didn’t drink that much and I wouldn’t be driving if I had!” 

FEELING: Regretful. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel penitent from the unexpected outcome. 

2. “You don’t expect us to take Alfred into our home, do you? He is very mentally ill—tore up the house several times. I really—well, I know he’s my son, but I just can’t deal with the way he’s been in the past.” 

FEELING: Flustered. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel confused about handling the case. 

3. “I can tell you what scares me most. It’s being by myself at the house one night and having him come back. I don’t know if I can go on living there.” 

FEELING: Terrified. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must fear the outcome from his return to the house. 

4. “I just can’t go to class. Not after making a fool of myself the last time. I got every answer wrong when the teacher called on me, and people were making fun..... It was terrible!” 

FEELING: Devalued. 

EMPATHIC RESPONSE: You must feel hurt by the situation and the possibility that it may recur.