Notably, John Alan Lee’s love styles are six namely agape, ludus, storge, eros, mania and pragma. Individuals who display agape love are obsessed with the needs of their partner. They love their partners just the way they are. Mania is mostly obsession and such individuals are always looking for reassurance in a relationship. Individuals who display mania love are likely to become jealous ( Fletcher, Simpson, Campbell & Overall, 2019) . Pragma is embedded on logic as the determining factor. Pragmatic individuals are concerned on whether their partners will be pleasant to their family and friends. Ludus style belongs to individuals who love playing. The characters with this type of love are full of manipulation and deception ( Fletcher, Simpson, Campbell & Overall, 2019) . They are hardly committed and often distant in terms of emotions. The storgic types are committed and stable characters in a relationship. They seek trust, companionship and endure everything for love to thrive ( Fletcher, Simpson, Campbell & Overall, 2019) . Eros style is embedded on physical beauty. Individuals with this form of love always experience urgent need for deepening their relationship physically and emotionally ( Fletcher, Simpson, Campbell & Overall, 2019) . In view of the book Confusing Love with Obsession, predominant love style evident in most characters is mania, which is an obsessive style. For instance, Chris explains his pattern of relationships with different girls (Moore, 2006). Specifically, his relationship with Stacy was one of obsession. He believes that regardless of her wishes, the two were meant to be together (Moore, 2006). He found himself calling her on hourly basis and he ended up with feelings of anger, paranoid and anxious.
In view of the book, I relate with my close friend Peter. I came to know Peter back in the days at my neighborhood. Their father was strict and equally abusive. He was a drunkard and he would take out his frustrations on Peter and his siblings (Moore, 2006). Owing to the problematic upbringing, and the abuse inflicted by the father, he has had problems as a young teenager (Moore, 2006). The abuse meted on him at young age determined his way of handling others ( Fletcher, Simpson, Campbell & Overall, 2019) . He loves being in control, and always in fear of being rejected. Peter is used to violence and always seeking to take revenge (Moore, 2006). Whenever provoked, he does not settle down until he fights the person who has provoked him. Going by the text, the behaviors displayed by Peter of consuming love with obsession can be traced to his traumatic upbringing ( Fletcher, Simpson, Campbell & Overall, 2019) . I feel that, his way of handling women and relating with them can be traced to his abusive upbringing. Whenever we are talking, he keeps mentioning the way his father was never impressed by him (Moore, 2006). He always referred to him as a looser and no matter how he tried to impress him, it ended in tears. In that respect, the attention he missed from his father is what he is always seeking to find in girls. He started making out with girls at a tender age ( Fletcher, Simpson, Campbell & Overall, 2019) . Clearly, the validation he missed from his parents is sought through his attachment to girls.
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The Obsessive Love Wheel has four stages namely attraction, anxiety, obsession, and destruction (Moore, 2006). In the attraction phase, the relationship is guided by attraction towards another individual. This phase is the first step when individuals get obsessed with someone. Also called the honeymoon period, the attraction phase has numerous characteristics. Firstly, individuals have immense attraction towards other people (Moore, 2006). They experience unrealistic fantasies, and they display immediate urge to get into a relationship. They tend to overlook any red flags regarding the person they have been attracted to (Moore, 2006). The anxiety phase is the second, and it occurs after individuals have shown commitment in the relationship. Such commitments are often in form of marriage or engagement (Moore, 2006). Individuals still not sure about the relationship will get into this stage without any commitment. The anxiety phase is characterized by increased fear of being abandoned, strong mistrust feelings, high anxiety levels, and being careful around the partner (Moore, 2006). The third phase is the obsession stage. During this stage, individuals display excessive obsessive activities and they lack control of their personal behaviors, which lead to extreme anxiety (Moore, 2006). At this stage, nothing seems to matter apart from making connection with the person one is obsessed with. Characteristics associated with this stage include consistent thoughts about the object of obsession, obsessive behaviors such as consistent phone calls, stalking habits, making calls under false pretense, and monitoring the partner’s financial affairs (Moore, 2006). The final phase is called destruction. Just as the name suggests, this stage is when ultimate destruction takes place in the relationship (Moore, 2006). The stage comprises of addictions such as drugs, alcohol and sex in a bid to compensate for the failed relationship (Moore, 2006). The phase is the most dangerous as it’s characterized by anger, strong resentment feelings and rage. During this phase, the body starts to experience immense stress, and causes destruction to the inner body organs (Moore, 2006). It is characterized by extreme depression, symptoms such as diarrhea, loss of appetite and tremors among others (Moore, 2006). Individuals tend to experience hallucinations, strong feelings of self-hatred, and suicidal thoughts.
The book is insightful and equally informative on love addiction. When people get addicted with love, they behave weirdly and sometimes it can get out of control. They become hooked on someone like a potent drug, and they keep seeking affection on a daily basis to an extent of being unable to disentangle themselves. Whenever they are with the person they are addicted to, they feel safe (Moore, 2006). They feel the person they are addicted to be listening to their problems and that they are being treated with respect. The tendency of neediness is created and in often cases, it ends up ruining the relationship ( Fletcher, Simpson, Campbell & Overall, 2019) . The book informed and opened my eyes to the fact that, addiction makes people feel empty whenever they are away from the people they love (Moore, 2006). The person addicted feel they need to increase contact with the person they are addicted to. In the process, they can end up calling dozen times each day, late in the night, and appear at odd hours of the night looking for the person they are addicted to ( Fletcher, Simpson, Campbell & Overall, 2019) . Love addiction is a threat to the other person because they always feel their space is invaded. Regardless of the other person’s wish, the one addicted feels that, they were meant to be together. Any feeling of rejection can end up in a tragic way. The addicted person ends up feeling paranoid and anxious, and in some cases, stalking might set in and incidences of violence ( Fletcher, Simpson, Campbell & Overall, 2019) . Unless handled with care, love addiction is likely to trigger suicidal thoughts, especially when the other partner attempts to cut the addicted person out of their life. According to the book, whenever the addicted person is rejected, he or she feels the need to take revenge. If the issue is not settled amicably, it can get out of control.
References
Fletcher, G., Simpson, J.A., Campbell, L. & Overall, N.C. (2019). The Science of Intimate Relationships. John Wiley & Sons.
Moore, J.D. (2006). Confusing Love with Obsession. 3 rd ed. Hazelden.
