Knapp’s model of relationship development incorporates ten stages, which is divisible into three sections, relational maintenance, which includes stages such as integrating, bonding, differentiating, and circumscribing. Another section is coming together, which consists of acts of initiating, experimenting, and intensifying (Knapp & Vangelisti, 2005). Stagnating, avoiding, and terminating stages make up the last section of coming apart. Below is an application of Knapp’s relationship model to the development process that my relationship with Kylie went through.
Knapp’s Relationship Model
Initiating
I met Kylie at a friend's beach birthday party. Every other individual was excited swimming, except for Kylie and I, who sat down eating and moving our heads to the beats of the music. Kylie had smiled at me when I walked past him when I arrived at the party. Now that we were alone, far away from the rest of the people, Kylie walked towards me and greeted me after which he introduced himself and then asked for my name. I answered him with a smile on my face after which he sat down next to me.
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Experimentation Stage
The experimentation stage involves acts of trying to discover unknown information concerning the other party. I met Kylie in the school hockey practice the next day. As we sat down watching the game, we communicated about a variety of things concerning the previous party and the progress of the hockey practice. The dialogue that occurred during this stage included, Kylie, "You like partying and hockey…so do I." Me, "How long have you been in this school I have never seen you before?" Kylie, I joined the school last week am from Columbia.” The conversation continued as we exchanged important information.
Intensifying stage
This stage is characterized by communication, which is less formal. During this stage, Kylie asked me out for lunch in which we revealed personal details to each other while analyzing each other's impressions.
Integration
Individual personalities in the integration stage seem to coalesce, such as routines, and body rhythms achieve heightened synchrony. During this stage, we wore similar clothes, which accentuated the togetherness.
Bonding
Bonding refers to the institutionalization of the relationship. According to Knapp and Vangelisti (2005), bonding refers to a public ritual of announcing to other people that commitments in the relationship are formally contracted. During this stage, Kylie asked me to become his girlfriend, to which I agreed.
Differentiating
Conflict and disagreements form an inevitable aspect of relationships. According to Thakore (2013), conflict refers to the struggle between two individuals with opposing beliefs, ideas, or goals. Conflict can be beneficially resolved or escalate, resulting in nonproductive outcomes. As the relationship progress, external pressures may intensify making the parties involved in the relationship start thinking individually instead of as a union, which negatively affects the correlation.
Kylie and I conflicted when he spoke of moving back to Columbia, as he felt that nothing good could come from this new place. Kylie wanted to quit school and become a gang member, just like his father. I felt that Kylie was making a mistake in which I rejected the idea, emphasizing the importance of completing his education to improve his life. Therefore, these differing opinions created pressure in the relationship.
My relationship with Kylie was now experiencing an interpersonal conflict, which resulted due to the changed personalities, values, and perceptions of life. As I was thinking of managing the conflict in my relationship, I was determined to keep a good correlation with Kylie as well as achieve my personal goals. Avoidance is the style I chose to manage the conflict I had with Kyle, whereby I intended to delay the whole process (Thakore, 2013). I needed to gather the information that would help in taking the right action concerning Kylie's decision.
Circumscribing
This stage is characterized by limited communications, which also have defined boundaries. With the determination to get enough time to study the issue with Kylie, I never communicated the topic with him as a way of avoiding any heated argument. The dialogue in this particular stage included, "How is the climate?" “Do you like food?”
Stagnation
The stagnation stage is characterized by limited communication, in which the relationship is kept together for unavoidable reasons. The communication gap intensifies at this particular stage.
Avoidance
During this stage, Kylie and I became physically detached by intentionally avoiding any form of contact. The communications became minimal as a measure of avoiding an argument, which had become the new norm.
Terminating
Kylie decided to go back to Columbia, in which she emphasized the need to stay in touch. The whole ordeal was depressing, although it gave me the relief sensation. I felt scared and unhappy, in which I decided not to rush into any other relationship until I was through with college.
References
Knapp, M., & Vangelisti, A. (2005). Stages of Relationships. In M. Knapp & A. Vangelisti, In Interpersonal Communication and Human Relationships (5th ed., pp. 36-49). Allyn & Bacon. Retrieved 19 November 2020, from http://seagull.comcastbiz.net/JR/Assignments/Research_files/Relationship%20Stages-%20%20A%20Communication%20Perspective_1.pdf.
Thakore, D. (2013). Conflict and Conflict Management. Journal of Business and Management. 8(6) pp 7-16. Retrieved 19 November 2020 from http://www.iosrjournals.org/iosr-jbm/papers/Vol8-issue6/B0860716.pdf .
