Constructive conflict is a type of conflict that influences the outcome of good decisions. This type of conflict is productive and has 5 stages. According to Cahn & Abigail (2010), these stages are made up of the prelude, trigger, initiation, differentiation and resolution. The prelude includes certain factors, these are the people involved, how an individual relates to these people, any additional people around and the environment which the conflict is occurring in. The trigger is the event or cause of the conflict, and sometimes the individuals involved may perceive the triggers differently. The initiation stage is when the conflict becomes apparent and one of the people involved makes it known that there is a conflict. The differentiation stage is one that involves the affected parties choosing a destructive of constructive approach. The last stage is when the affected individuals come up with a solution. A constructive conflict results in both parties being satisfied with the outcome. Personally, I have experienced a conflict that encompassed all these stages.
My parents have always been fair regarding how they split chores between the females and males in the house and have no bias regarding gender. My brother really enjoys doing outdoor tasks, he clearly prefers them to household chores. One time he was assigned the task of preparing lunch and cleaning up after. I on the other hand was assigned to outdoor tasks that included cleaning the pool, sweeping the surroundings and ensuring the garbage is taken out. As far as I knew, it needed to be done by 3p.m, so I was relaxing as I had constructed a schedule. But at 1p.m I was called to prepare dinner. This is the prelude to how the conflict arose.
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What then triggered the conflict was the fact that my brother had already done my chores. I was angry because he never discussed us switching tasks and now my parents were angry because they assumed I had agreed to this arrangement and was therefore slacking on my tasks. When I asked my brother, he acted oblivious, as though we had indeed agreed. This irked my parents and everyone at home as they assumed I was trying to skive off doing my tasks. Also, everyone was clearly hungry and cranky.
The initiation stage started when I decided to invite my parents, other siblings and the brother who did my chores. I then went on to explain to everyone that as far as I knew I was to do the outside chores that had been given to me. I explained how my brother never asked us to switch chores and how it is not my fault that launch was not ready. I expressed to my brother how very disappointed I was that he could go ahead and do my chores without talking to me and act like I am the one at fault.
The differentiation stage started with my brother explaining that due to the fact that I enjoyed cooking and seemed to have no qualms with cleaning up, he assumed it would not be an issue if he did my chores. I then told him how I may have not minded but the issue was he never consulted with me prior to doing my chores. I explained how it was not considerate nor the correct way of doing things. The resolution came when my brother first apologized. He explained that there were times in the past that I took over cooking duties that were his without asking. Therefore, he assumed he could also do the same thing. I saw that I was also wrong for not doing what I expected him to do. We then agreed to ensure that we discuss with each other if one wants to switch tasks. All this was done with the help of our parents who served as mediators. According to American Management Association (2019), a mediator is one who assists in the agreement and resolution process. This situation I experienced is a clear example of constructive conflict.
References
American Management Association (2019, July 19). The Five Steps to Conflict Resolution. https://www.amanet.org/articles/the-five-steps-to-conflict-resolution/
Cahn, D. D., & Abigail, A.R. (2010). Managing Conflict Through Communication.
