Every relationship needs good communication to develop any healthy partnership. In life, every relationship has its ups and downs but having a healthy communication style allows people to easier deal with conflict, and builds a stronger and healthier partnership. Most times we may hear how much communication is essential, but not what connection is and how we can use good communication for the betterment of our relationships. Often, it may take two or more people to have a relationship, but each has its own communication needs and style. People in any relationship need to find ways of communicating that better suits their relationship. It is undeniable to say that healthy communication style requires practice and hard work, although communication will never be perfect at all times.
The dark side of relationships constitutes two dimensions where one is the degree to which something is considered acceptable or not acceptable by the society, while the other is the degree to which something may function productively to improve or not improve a relationship (University of Minnesota) . These two dimensions often become more complicated when people realize that there can be an overlap between them. That is, it may not always be easy to identify something as either light or dark. Society sometimes may view some communication patterns as appropriate even though they still serve a relationally destructive function. Individuals in the society often presume that an increased understanding of a relational partner and relationship has the effect of benefiting a relationship. However, research indicates that a deeper understanding of a relationship can be negative (University of Minnesota) . For instance, people in any relationship who avoid discussing certain topics that might result in conflicts often create and sustain positive illusions concerning their relationships, thus covering up the darker reality within. Even though this happens, individuals in a relationship will maintain that they are satisfied being in the relationship. On the other hand, communication that is considered inappropriate by the people in society may turn out to be productive for any relationship (Pedro, 2013) . For instance, a society that ascribes to the ideology of openness to promote honesty.
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In relation to the dark side of the relationship of domestic violence as portrayed in the movie "Enough," communication can either help to contribute or prevent the abuse. According to the movie, self-defense is not murder. But by using self-defense, Slim deliberately plans the murder of her husband (Sullivan, 2002) . The result in this movie is misleading and portrays a potentially damaging message of what actually happens in real life to battered women who end up killing their husbands. In the movie, the heroine can evade both emotional and criminal consequences of her actions whereas approximately 1000 women are serving long prison sentences or killing their batterer (Pedro, 2013) . The movie both hurts and helps the message that survivors of domestic violence often act in self-defense. It particularly gives a message that domestic violence can be deadly and the only way out is to be killed or kill.
The message that hurts in the movie is that killing your batterer has no downside. Audiences to the movie will particularly walk away thinking that slim is a free woman. However, in real life, this is unrealistic since anyone who kills the husband either in self-defense would likely be convicted of first-degree murder. The movie communicates forth a reason to get tough on domestic violence survivors who defend themselves from their batterers. The movie particularly plays upon the fears that allow women to claim self-defense as a license to kill.
The movie allows its audience to better understand the terror that domestic violence places upon its victims. To protect herself and her daughter from her abusive husband, slim has to flee from city to city constantly. But after several futile attempts, slim has no other option but to learn martial arts for self-defense. The movie afterward offers its audience a visceral sense of satisfaction after Slim’s bloody retaliation. The batterer finally got what he deserved. Even though this scene equates empowerment with violence, it also specifies that it is crucial to empower battered women through physical movement if it helps keep them safe. The communicative idea of taking control of one’s life that the movie portrays is a great message to send to women who face domestic violence (Pedro, 2013) . However, this message does a great disservice to all women out there who have been criminalized for killing their spouses, women who were in danger and desperate at that moment.
How could Communication be used to address the Dark Side of Relationships
Domestic violence has been identified to be destructive for both the batterer and the battered. Although every relationship is different, in domestic violence, unequal power dynamics predominantly exist in which one partner exerts control over the other through physical abuse and even threats as seen between the characters in the movie "Enough". It has a tendency of being passed down over generations. Therefore, it is crucial to develop effective communication methods to combat abusive behaviors among partners.
One of the ways which communication can help address the dark side of the interpersonal relationship in regards to domestic violence is through advocacy. Communication initiatives such as advocating for legal frameworks in addition to the use of dialogues to change cultural and social attitudes to remove barriers that hinder the participation of women in the wider society could be employed to eliminate various forms of discrimination against women to achieve gender equality (Pedro, 2013) . Advocacy can involve the use of the media or social mobilization to enroll institutions in addition to community networks to raise their awareness and strengthen their participation in gender issues. Consequently, interpersonal communication could be integrated by involving leaders who can pass on messages of domestic violence to their community members (Pedro, 2013) . Therefore, in addition to promoting positive behaviors within the community, the society will be able to increase the number of denouncers.
According to UNMIT's Gender Adviser, gender-based violence is about context; therefore people have to work on this context (as cited in Pedro, 2013). Addressing the issue of domestic violence involves the identification of its underlying causes such as discrimination and gender inequality that primarily results in women to be perceived being of a lower status. Therefore, communication could be used to create change by directing efforts at behavior change, attitudes and increasing a significant level of equality (Pedro, 2013) . Communication could be used to challenge the prevailing mindset within communities on women. Communication geared towards behavior change thus addresses attitudes, knowledge, and practices that individuals within society have on women.
Why we have a Cultural Taboo in discussing Abuse in Relationships
In many occasions, when institutions or individuals that interact with victims and perpetrators of domestic violence ignore the pleas of the help of the victim or blame them for the abuse, they end up keep this kind of violence going and even end up making it worse. Consequently, studies have noted that some institutions employ certain tactics of control when dealing with victims of domestic violence that often end up re-victimizing them when they ask for help (Marshall University, 2018) . It has been noted that many of the actions of these individuals or institutions are majorly influenced by societal norms, language, values in addition to other cultural factors that surrounds everyone in society. Since these cultural factors are ingrained in people from the day they are born, they play a very crucial role in either ending or perpetrating domestic violence. For instance, in Virginia till the year 1992, domestic violence was not in any way considered as a crime (Marshall University, 2018) . Although before this period violence against a stranger was considered a serious matter that warranted prosecution, violence against an intimate partner was acceptable by the society.
Some cultural norms and values still exist that contribute to the perpetuation of domestic violence. Traditions such as the act of not interfering in family matters that occur privately are one of the factors that have contributed to the reluctance of the criminal justice system and the government to respond to domestic violence (Marshall University, 2018) . Consequently, the media and music, in particular, have continued to portray domestic violence as quarrels that occur between lovers (Marshall University, 2018) . Additionally, they are continuously portraying homicides related to domestic violence as "crimes of passion" by jilted men with an ideology that, "If I can't have her, then no one else will." This act of romanticizing domestic violence by both the media and music have contributed to it being explained or excused away. That is, they make domestic violence as something that is not done with any other type of battery or assault (Marshall University, 2018) .
The cultural norms that victims of domestic violence often bring with them dictate their perceptions towards domestic violence and how they respond to it. Mostly, individuals who live in rural areas adhere to strong values of independence that prevents them from seeking help from urban programs or even from outsiders. Moreover, Individuals of color often adhere to cultural codes developed through historical experiences that have made them conform to the ideology that the culture of whites or the formal systems that they offer for assistance are not to be trusted. More importantly, elderly people have been conditioned in such a way that they cannot discuss their personal issues with strangers and thus are often reluctant to seek help from programs that require peoples to disclose their abusive experiences. Additionally, when individuals of same-sex relationships disclose their experiences with domestic violence, they predominantly risk being exposed to certain norms in the society that condemn them as evil, a factor that further exposes them to hate crimes.
References
Marshall University. (2018). Relationship Violence and Culture. Retrieved from Marshall University: https://www.marshall.edu/wcenter/body-image-and-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-resources/
Pedro, S. (2013, December). Communication Strategies for Preventing Violence against Women: Case Study of Timor-Leste. pp. 1-38.
Sullivan, L. (2002). Enough. Retrieved from Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iigVCbTzA78&t=4s
University of Minnesota. The Dark Side of Relationships. In Communication in the real world: An introduction to communication studies.
