Marriage is a holy union between two lovers who vow to live together for the rest of their lives. It is a way of officiating a relationship. Different cultures and religions have different understandings of what marriage entails. The most common marriage is where a couple stands before a priest or religious leader and exchanges marriage vows after which they are given a legal document that binds the union. After the marriage has been sealed, the couple and the attendees proceed to a reception area where they are served food, cake, and entertainment. It is, however, worth mentioning that there are various marriage practices and customs across the world depending on religion, culture as well as sexual orientation. In this light, this essay seeks to highlight the differences between marriage in Arab culture and marriage in American culture.
Arab countries have somewhat similar cultures. As such, most of their marriage practices are similar with slight variations. Before a marriage can take place, the two families must sign a marriage contract. The contract is normally signed after intensive negotiations and bargaining between the two parties. The contract outlines the monetary commitments of the bride and the groom and what happens in case of a divorce 1 . The bridegroom is expected to be a responsible individual who can take care of his wife. He is therefore required to have a house in which he must prepare in readiness of marriage life. Particularly important is the fact that the bridegroom is expected to pay a mandatory bride price to the father of the bride or a senior male member of the bride’s family. The bride price is variable. The more beautiful, intelligent and educated the bride is, the higher the bride price. Arabs value precious stones. They, therefore, use the stones for dowry. In most cases, the bride is given gold or any other expensive jewelry. Dowry can also be in the form of money, land or property.
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In the olden days, Arab women were expected to be virgins until they got married 2 However, this requirement seems impractical in this day and age. Even so, there are still Arab men who want their future wives to be virgins. The woman is also expected to bring charm, beauty and homemaking skills into the union. It is also the responsibility of the bride to furnish the house with such things as beddings, curtains, and blankets 3 . These details can either be in the original contract or not. What is more, the bride is expected to create a list of all the things she will bring into the marriage. The bride’s things remain hers even when the marriage is dissolved. Failure to create the list may give the man the power to dispose of them at any time.
Traditionally, the couple was supposed to consummate the marriage on the wedding day. They would retire to a special room where a bed was awaiting them. The bridegroom would then use his finger to break the bride’s hymen 4 . A handkerchief would be used to wipe the blood and use it as proof that the bride was a virgin. However, times have changed. Few Arabs still practice this tradition. Given that marriage is considered a holy union, the couple is expected to practice chastity during their courtship. They can only have sex after marriage.
When it comes to marriage, the wife is expected to take care of the husband by respecting him submitting to him, cooking for him, giving him his conjugal rights and bearing children 5 . In case of any disagreement, the husband has the last word. The wife is also expected to know how to take care of house chores. It is for this reason that the woman undergoes lessons by senior women such as her mother and her aunts on how to take care of her house and her husband. On the other hand, the husband is supposed to be the guardian of his wife. In most cases, women are not allowed to travel alone. A few years ago, Saudi Arabia did not allow women to drive. However, the country has recently changed its laws to allow women to drive. It bears noting that women do not have freedom of movement while married. They must seek their husbands’ permission.
Men are also at liberty to marry up to four wives according to sharia law. It is however not mandatory. Most of those who marry additional wives do so because the first wife cannot bear children. More so, when there are irreconcilable differences in the relationship, the husband can decide to take on a second wife for the sake of peace 6 . Incompatibility between the husband and the wife can also lead to the addition of a second wife. The first wife cannot prevent the husband from marrying another wife. If she is unhappy, she can seek a divorce. However, most couples opt to stay together because the divorce route can be messy and undesirable.
There is a stark contrast between marriage in the Arab world and marriage in America. Americans do not take marriage as seriously as the Arabs do. There is a new trend developing where a couple lives together for a while before getting married. Moreover, most people live together with no plans of ever getting married. Most individuals prioritize financial and psychological independence before marriage. A majority of Americans get into marriage because of love, lifetime commitment, and companionship.
The United States allows people of the opposite sex as well as the same sex to get married. Before getting married, couples are required to obtain a marriage license. They can then proceed to hold a wedding after which they can obtain a marriage certificate. One cannot be married twice unless they provide a certificate of divorce 7 . However, marriage rules vary across the states. In some states, once a couple has cohabited for a certain period, they gain some rights over property and taxes. As such, they do not have to go the formal process to be recognized as husband and wife. Also noteworthy is the fact that it is easy to get a divorce in the United States than it is in Arabic countries. It is for this reason that most American marriages do not last.
In American culture, the groom is the one who goes on one keep and proposes to his future wife. He then goes ahead and gives the wife an engagement ring. Even so, in this time and age, even a woman can propose to a man in the United States. This is slightly different in the Arab culture where the groom goes to the bride’s family and asks for her hand in marriage. As such, the marriage is not just about the couple but also family members.
Notably, wedding expenses are split between the bride’s family and the groom’s family. While the bride’s father takes care of wedding expenses, the groom’s father takes care of the honeymoon. This tradition is however slowly and steadily being abandoned by couples who prefer paying for their wedding expenses instead of involving their families. As for the Arabs, the groom’s father is expected to pay for the wedding.
Americans are not keen on such things as chastity or virginity. As long as the couple is in love and the two partners are compatible, they are good to go. Some states even have a provision that does not make it mandatory for a witness to be there when the couple is being married (Carter 2014). For this reason, the lovers can just look for a priest and officiate their marriage without necessarily conducting a flashy and expensive wedding.
Approximately 120 people attend American weddings. Some Americans do their weddings in church while others do it far away from their homes and close to their honeymoon destinations. Contrastingly, Arabs invite between 500 and 800 people at their weddings. For this reason, Arab weddings are more expensive than American weddings. Most American wedding receptions are classy and are accompanied with slow music. Arabs are a bit dramatic when it comes to wedding entertainment. A group of dancers carrying horns and drums entertain the guests before the arrival of the bride and the groom. Arabs also do a car parade where they rent fancy cars and drive them in the city while they honk on their way to the wedding venue. For this reason, everyone knows that there is a wedding.
As noted in the paper, marriage is more of a family affair in Arab countries than it is in the countries than it is in America. Americans are so keen on whom they get married to. They must love them and be compatible with them before they marry. As such, they do not mind staying with their potential marriage partners for a while before making a lifetime commitment. On the other hand, Arabs are expected to get married before they start co-existing even though this tradition is being eroded by modernity.
Bibliography
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