Emotional intelligence represents a significant part of an individual’s interaction experiences. It determines how he or she understands personal emotions and deals with them. It further determines how the individual discerns and the manner in which he or she takes on the emotions of those around the individual ( Başoğul & Özgür, 2016) . Empathy on the other hand requires one to identify with the issues other people are going through by placing themselves in the other person’s shoes but remain ever careful to ensure that they do not get lost in these problems. Both concepts are often demonstrated and measured through one’s behavior and self-awareness in these areas would determine how one understands themselves and others. It is therefore necessary to comprehend how these concepts play out in my personal and social experiences. It is presented through the self-awareness results acquired from the Emotional and Social Competency Inventory – University Edition (ESCI – U).
Reflect on your ESCI-U results. How comfortable were you in taking this assessment? Why do you think you felt as you did?
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I was comfortable while filling in the profile myself. It was easy as many of the items resonated well with who I am and the experiences I have had throughout life. It was simple for me as the necessary responses were easy to come by and this part of the inventory was smooth. However, I was a little nervous when I needed to ask my co-workers and business partners to fill out what they thought of me. One can never be certain of what others will say about them and it is highly likely that there will be criticisms. I was nervous about the expected criticisms but I was also expectant of all the positive feedback they were going to give. It is something I have done before especially getting feedback from my colleagues and it needed not to be as nerve wrecking but I still felt a little apprehensive.
How did your self-reported results compare with the raters’ results?
My self-reported results were in close proximity when compared with those of my raters and I found this shocking and somewhat a relief. It was shocking because I did not expect that my traits and experiences would match those of someone else let alone the raters that expressed what they thought about me from a secondary perspective. The differences were minimal but they were outweighed by the immense similarities. My raters commended the expression of my feelings and they believed that I did it better than I thought. I was also happy about the significant similarities.
How do you feel about the differences?
As expressed, I did not expect that my results would have such significant similarities with those of the raters. Therefore the realization of such similarities elicited feelings of happiness and shock concurrently. I however believe that I felt good more than I was shocked. The results were from individuals I have interacted with before and I did not expect that they felt the same way about me as I did. It acted as a form of confirmation on what I thought about my emotional intelligence.
How do you explain the differences?
The significant difference was in how I rated myself when it comes to expressing my feelings. The raters felt that I express my emotions better that I thought I did. I believe the difference was present because they witness better my emotional expression as I interact with them. They could tell it better because they have seen me do it as expected.
Discuss your ESCI-U results in light of your personal conflict style preference as determined by the Jay Hall survey from Module 1.
The results confirmed my conflict management style as a collaborator. A collaborator often ensures to identify a solution that would result in a win-win situation for all parties ( Ahmed & Ahmed, 2015) . The results demonstrated that I would not just identify a middle ground when in conflict but work towards identifying a resolution strategy that would satisfy everyone. I treasure the relationship I hold with current and previous co-workers and this played into my style of conflict management. I identified that I would never want to compromise any important relationship with my colleagues and would therefore work on a position that satisfies everyone.
What connections do you see in the two results?
The ESCI –U results were significantly similar to those from the Jay Hall survey from Module 1 which revealed that I often apply the collaborator conflict management style. For instance, the ESCI –U results revealed that my conflict resolution strategy is often focusing on a solution that addresses the interest of all those involved. It resonated well with results from the Jay Hall survey. It was clear from the two assessments that I often factor in other people’s emotions, endorsing the positions of others, addressing the conflict openly and keeping emotions balanced when resolving conflicts.
In your opinion, how does a person’s level of emotional intelligence influence how s/he behaves in conflict? Explain
An individual’s emotional intelligence does affect how he or she behaves in conflict. It is because conflict is often governed by intense and heightened emotions. In many instances these emotions will be negative. With emotional intelligence one will know how he or she will control personal emotions and keep them in check. Further, the individual will have the ability to calm everyone else even when their emotions intensify or are heightened. Keeping all emotions in check will ensure that the conflict resolution process remains calm and that everyone’s position comes to light and is considered. Therefore increased emotional intelligence will result in conflict resolution while decreased emotional intelligence will heighten the conflict.
What surprised you most about your ESCI-U results? Explain.
I was surprised that the raters gave me higher grades in various items than I had rated myself. I would expect that in such an exercise I would know myself best and that my grades would be higher than those of others. Nonetheless, there were numerous items where my grades were lower and I believe that the raters based their grades on their direct interactions with me and the numerous observations they had conducted over time. I also believe that I was probably harder on myself when grading myself for these items when compared to the raters.
What area from the assessment do you feel is most important for you to try to improve as you work to become a peacemaker?
I believe that empathy is a critical area in any conflict resolution process. Without empathy, it would be easy for one to takes sides during the conflict resolution process. With empathy, it would be easy for one to identify with all parties involved thus making an informed choice. Over the years, I believe I have found it a little difficult exercising empathy. More often than not, I would confuse it with sympathy. Nonetheless, I have come to understand it and exercise it better with time and I credit this to the continued training and experience with colleagues. My raters further confirmed that I am gradually getting better at being empathic. I also believe that I need to continually work on myself as a peacemaker and collaborator.
Why is this area important?
Empathy is critical as it shows all those involve in the conflict that one cares about their emotions and positions. It shows that an individual is paying close attention to these feelings. It is a demonstration that one places themself in other people’s shoes and treats them equally as God’s children.
What is your action plan for making the necessary improvements?
My action plan for improvements will focus on all areas addressed in the inventory. I will work more on areas that I felt had lower scores especially those that I rated myself lowly including my ability as a coach and mentor for others. Despite high scores from raters in such areas and the rest, I believe that I need to work on all areas to holistically ground myself and as I interact with other. It will also be critical from my role as a prospective collaborator and peacemaker.
In the Brené Brown video contained in Dr. Fleming’s video, Brown made this statement: “Empathy fuels connection; sympathy drives disconnection” (Brown, 2013). Not everyone agrees with Brown. Just read the comments on YouTube to see some of the diverse opinions. What are your feelings on Brown’s definitions of these words? Do you agree or disagree with her? Explain.
I agree with Brown’s definitions as they describe the true nature of the two concepts. With empathy one feels with the other meaning that he or she is better placed to understand what the other person is going through. It means that it will be easy for the two to connect on the problem level. For sympathy, one is outside looking into the other’s problem. It means that he or she does not understand what the other is going through and even when conflict resolution is necessary, the two will find it difficult to connect.
Hocker and Wilmot (2018) state “Transformation of conflict depends on empathy” (p. 196). What are your feelings on this statement?
I believe this statement is entirely true. To deal with any conflict, one needs to understand where every involved party is coming from. It can only be possible if one places themselves in the shoes of those involved (Hocker & Wilmot, 2018). It will be the only way through which he or she can understand everyone. By understanding everyone’s case the individual will not judge or favor one group over the other but will involve everyone in finding a winning solution for all.
Can interpersonal conflict be resolved without empathy?
Interpersonal conflict cannot be solved without empathy. The absence of empathy means that the arbitrator does not view the problem from the perspectives of those involved ( Head, 2012) . He or she will therefore make an uniformed decision that will favor one party over the other or it will eventually hurt all those involved. It is clear that empathy is at the center of conflict resolution.
Goleman references Hoffman who believed that the ability to feel with (empathize) someone else is the foundation of all morality. What are your feelings on Hoffman’s assertion?
I agree with Hoffman’s assertion because when we feel with others, we are better placed to help them ( Hoffman, 1996) . Feeling for them places one outside looking into people’s problems. Nonetheless, when we feel with them, we are directly experiencing their emotions and distress which means that we are better placed at helping them. It means that morality calls for empathy more than sympathy.
How do the teachings of Christianity (for example, those of the Apostle Paul who said in his letter to the Romans: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” Romans 12:15, New International Version) reflect the importance of empathy?
Such teachings of Christianity as those of the Apostle Paul show that one of the primary reasons for our existence is to be there for each other. These teachings show us that we need to be directly involved in the various experiences we encounter in life whether in happiness or sadness. They show how critical it is for Christians to show empathy to one another as it is a pillar in our faith. With empathy, Christians can establish and maintain unity as they together in happiness and strengthen one another in case of adversity.
What influence would a higher level of empathy (in yourself for the other person) have on a conflict in your life right now?
Having a higher level of empathy for the other person in a current conflict in my life would mean the resolution of the said conflict. It is because I would identify more with the other person’s side, emotions and responses and therefore understand their behavior. It would be easier for me to identify a solution that means a win for everyone once I understand what the other person experiencing.
Conclusion
The entire experience has been life changing for me. I appreciate how the ESCI –U assessment have resulted in insight for numerous areas of my life. I believe that I better understand my level of collaboration and peacemaking especially in conflict. I identify how critical it is for one to be empathic for he or she to resolve any conflict. Without the exercise, it would have taken me a while to identify these traits and understand how emotional intelligence and empathy contribute to the overall process of conflict resolution and their impact on me as a peacemaker.
References
Ahmed, K. A. G., & Ahmed, G. (2015). The relationships between conflict management styles, job satisfaction and organizational commitment among workers in public and private sectors. Universal Journal of Psychology , 3 (2), 41-50.
Başoğul, C., & Özgür, G. (2016). Role of emotional intelligence in conflict management strategies of nurses. Asian nursing research , 10 (3), 228-233.
Brown, B. (2013). Brené Brown on Empathy. Retrieved 16 September 2019, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Head, N. (2012). Transforming conflict: Trust, empathy, and dialogue. International Journal of Peace Studies , 33-55.
Hocker, J., & Wilmot, W. (2018). Interpersonal Conflict . New York, NY: McGraw Hill Education.
Hoffman, M. L. (1996). Empathy and moral development. The Annual Report of Educational Psychology in Japan , 35 , 157-162.
