Communication is a continuous process in which parties exchange information or messages whose meanings and connotations are underpinned by the history of the participants and their experiences. In this regard, gender influenced communication refers to the inherent specialization communication process that focuses on how humans as gendered beings communicate. In my 72-hour observation, I learned that gender does not reference the rudimentary biological sexes but rather socially learned communication behaviors considered as behavioral ideals to be achieved and prescribed as confirmed by Nelson (2016). I have also learned that gender-influenced communication is rampant in all aspects of our social lives including work, school, relationships, media, and politics. Based on the wide scope of this concept, it is not unusual to observe so often how a simple debate transforms into a battle of the sexes. I n the bid to understand gender-influenced communication, I will discuss some of the observed messages in gender communication, how comfortable or uncomfortable they make me feel, how gender affects my perception of the messages, and ultimately fit the messages to two concepts of gender communication.
Discussion
In gender communication, the most significant messages observed are those about gender roles in relationships, feminism, gender equality in workplaces, and automatic stereotyping. The following are instances of some of the messages I observed at my part-time job, school, and mainstream media.
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Ex1: In an interaction between classmates in school regarding the weekend plans and where the party will be held, a group of four students; two males (one Caucasian and the other Black) and two females (both White) engaged in automatic stereotyping. One of the younger ladies insisted on going to the party but remarked that she knew the two lads would not attend because they are obsessed with their bodies and would probably be at the gym. In response, the elderly Caucasian male sought to put them off by cynically asking, “Won’t you go shopping for some heels and handbags or something, after all, it’s the weekend?” At this point, both ladies waved their hands to the lad's faces and walked off seeing that the conversation was no longer amiable.
Ex2: In another setting in the library, two male friends were discussing how women unfairly demand equality and non-discrimination as an equally important gender in society while hiding under the banner of feminism. A simple conversation regarding history and anthropology pertinent to prominent women figures in history had transformed into a conversation regarding gender equality and the unfairness of feminism. As the conversation progressed, Megan, a female classmate joined them for what was supposed to be a group discussion, only to be met by a one-sided feminism debate. In the spirit of ending the argument, Megan asserted that what feminism and women in general emphasize is not equality in terms of the roles and positions occupied by men in society, but rather respect, equal opportunity, and empowerment for there is no one gender above the other –all are essential to the society.
Ex3: During the coffee break at my part-time job, three colleagues met in one of the offices while watching a CNN re-run regarding why Democrats and Hillary Clinton flopped in the general elections. All of the colleagues were males, and a female reporter was doing the news piece. As the report went on, one of the males, a division manager and a staunch supporter of the Donald Trump administration, remarked that the reason for the Democrat’s failure was because they backed the wrong gender. He further went on to state that Trump won because he is hardy and chauvinistic as opposed to the soft-spoken Hillary. Waving off the news piece, he insisted that the reporter and the media house were being lenient regarding Hillary’s failure because she was a woman. As the rest of the colleagues returned to their stations, they laughed insisting that it is like men to go easy on women the same way the manager would towards his wife, lest he be jilted.
Notably, the messages portrayed in the different aspects of gender communication are not wrong or uncomfortable; rather comfortability depends on the timing, place, and biasness. For instance, feminism in itself as a topic in sociology is not wrong, and it is true that there are some questionable and irrational demands by some of the feminists and feminism concepts. Demanding for equal opportunity, respect, and empowerment from social institutions to achieve the same status as men in terms of profession and recognition is right, but demanding for similar roles and independence from social and family norms that place the woman subjugate to the man is wrong. Also, every individual participates in gender stereotyping almost daily; it takes a keen and analytical observation to point out these instances, which to the communicator’s perspective they are right. As Anais Nin, a female French writer once said, “we do not see things as they are, we see them as we are,” (Rice University, 2019). As such, the gender communicated messages are not uncomfortable but only become so based on my perceptions and understanding of the concepts once I listen to someone debating them. For instance, in the library setting, the two male classmates offered uncomfortable thoughts regarding feminism, but Megan maintained a level head and did not become gender bias.
The male and female brains are constructed differently; while the male brain has more grey matter, the female brain has white matter. As such, it is essential to understand that male are wired to argue from rationality while women from emotion. From personal beliefs strongly grounded in Christianity, women are subordinate to men, and as such, my perspectives regarding gender equality, feminism, and stereotyping will always be biased to this concept. Nonetheless, society has become oppressive and transformative in interpreting this social norm by indoctrinating the fallacy that women should have a lower status than men, and it is through this acculturation that feminist revolution emerged. From my perspective, I believe women should be more polite, talkative, and emotional, which essentially describes their communication style. However, this does not by any chance mean that they are a weaker gender; only different from men.
Indeed, a different individual, despite the gender, would have a different response to the messages. Following their heated debate regarding feminism and the position of women in history at the library, I interviewed one of the male students (John) regarding his take on my observed messages. In his response, he explained that feminism should not exist in the first place as it is a contradiction of the Bible or the Quran in which women are supposed to be subordinate to men. He further explained that it is unethical for a woman to lead a man, and it is the reason why Hillary failed and also why America has never had a female president, yet it is a free and democratic nation. John further explained that it is through the constitutional amendments regarding gender equality and inclusion that gender communication regarding my messages has evolved whereby women feel empowered to communicate their thoughts and attain positions of power similar to men. He asserted that women crave for emotional attention and it is why their communication is always relationship-oriented than goal-oriented, that is; they are focused more on creating friendly and emotional relationships.
One of the two fundamental concepts that can be applied to this discussion regarding gender-influenced communication is that men and women have different perspectives on the purpose of communication. This fact is determined by the psychological differences that exist between the two genders. While women communicate to enhance social connections and develop relationships, men use the same to assert their dominance and attain tangible outcomes (Merchant, 2012). Indeed, this explains the difference in opinions and perspectives regarding the feminism debate at the library. In essence, while John and his friend sought to debunk feminism as irrational, Megan strived to clarify that all women want through feminism was respect and equal opportunity, which essentially meant developing better social connections and relationships with the male gender.
The second concept is gender stereotyping, which has over the years been a major characteristic perpetrated through social norms and indoctrinated by mass media such as films and religious books such as the Bible. One of the stereotypes is that women have a lower status than men, and as such, their communication is mirrored through this hierarchy. Thus, it is easy to see why women are more polite as this process in itself is valuable to them, which explains the advent of feminism because they needed to express their emotions, thoughts, and experiences. In my observations, stereotyping was evident ranging from the workplace where the manager maintained that women are inferior, to school where chauvinistic male students such as John also believed women should be subjugated. Indeed, my observations have satisfied the two concepts.
Conclusion
Despite our rationality, gender-influenced communication and the proffered bias are unavoidable. We are social creatures, and as such, communication and interaction is central to our functionality. From my observations and discussions above, it is evident that perspective and bias are pivotal in determining our communication process and conversations. In essence, despite both having the same goal, it is bewildering how men and women fail to understand each other’s communication. They both struggle to use more dependent clauses rather than truly listening to each other. To this end, gender communication should be based on flexibility that transcends beyond social norms and stereotypes regarding masculinity and femininity. Only through understanding the other gender can one truly maintain effective gender-influenced communication without falling to stereotyping.
References
Merchant, K. (2012). How men and women differ: Gender differences in communication styles, influence tactics, and leadership styles. CMC Senior Theses , paper 513. http://scholarship.claremont.edu/cmc_theses/513
Nelson, A. (2016). Gender communication: It’s complicated. Sussex Publishers . Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/he-speaks-she-speaks/201606/gender-communication-it-s-complicated
RICE University. (2019). How gender influences communication styles, habits, and behaviors. Coursera . Retrieved from https://www.coursera.org/lecture/interpersonal-communication/how-gender-influences-communication-styles-habits-and-behaviors-HZSVa
