Attending family gatherings has always formed a crucial part of our monthly routine. At the recent meeting, two poor listening skills evident are pseudo and defensive and listening. First, sports and athletics have never formed an exciting topic, which was highly discussed at the dinner table. To avoid seeming rude, I kept my focus on whoever was speaking, with “Yeses,” “Yeah,” “Oh,” and “Okays,” yet my attention was far away. Moreover, with the Daily Show on the TV, my mind felt occupied and less interested.
Secondly, Mr. Buck (my uncle) is always funny at these events, throwing in jokes and comments, especially after dinner. Despite the openness and non-septicity of comments, I always viewed his ideas and jokes as aimed at my character, personality, and weaknesses. Feeling annoyed, I almost threw in a tantrum but managed to hold it in. With the jokes and smiles, contributing towards the family conversation seemed impossible, and aspect that has hindered the free communication with Uncle Buck.
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Step 2: “Be attentive, but relaxed” is essential that would have helped improve the conversation at the dinner table. With attentiveness, there is maintaining eye contact and relaxation (Schilling, 2012). Rather than being distracted with the “Daily Show,” focusing on speakers at the dinner table is helpful to improve idea comprehension. Being attentive and relaxed might have helped listen better, and learn something new on sports/athletics.
Step 3: “Keep an open mind” is an essential step, applicable in solving the defensive listening problem. Schilling (2012) says it is vital for one to listen without being judgmental of speakers or criticizing them mentally. In my case, although my uncle honestly makes jokes during these dinner dates, the impression that some of the jokes are intended for hurting me sometimes compromises the listening. The indulging judgments of the speaker, of which sometimes it is contrary to their intention, leads to hateful feelings, that compromises listening effectiveness.
