Question A
It is difficult to explain what death is to a child especially when you are also grieving. However, it is important to explain things to your children and make sure that they understand what is going on when their loved one dies. As a child, my mother explained what death is to me after the death of my grandfather. She came home looking sad and told me that my grandfather had died. When I asked what that meant, she told me that grandpa was in a deep sleep and his body will no longer work. She also told me my grandpa will not be able to read my bedtime stories anymore because he will not be with us. From this explanation, I knew that death made people be deep sleep and would not wake up and this made me fear to sleep.
I would explain death to a child using honest and simple terms. I would explain what is going on using truthful and simple words as possible. For instance, if their grandma hasdied, I would tell them “I have sad news, your grandma died this afternoon.”I would use the term death to ensure that they understand what I’m trying to explain without any problem. I would avoid words like “gone to sleep” or “passed away” because they may get them scared or confused. Since the child is young, I would explain what death is in terms that can be easily understood. As an example, “your grandma's body is not working. She will not be able to move, breathe or play with you." While talking to the child, I will ensure I answer all the questions he/she has about the death. For example, if the child wants to know what caused the death of his grandma, I will use terms that he can understand to explain. For example, “your grandma was old and her heart stopped working.” This will help the child understand what is happening better. I will also answer unexpected questions and comfort the child.
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Question B
According to Kastenbaum (2015), grief is a question of how the bereaved responds, feels, sleeps, thinks and makes it through the day. Grief is not the only way for the bereaved to respond. Other people may respond differently. For instance, bereavement may lead to extreme psychotic denial and other people may lack time to express their emotional response owing to the critical responsibilities they may have. Acute grief may be described by symptoms like lack of concentration, absentmindedness, memory loss, insomnia, and a tendency to repeat the same things over and over again. Grief affects both the physical and emotional aspects of life. Even though grief is not a disease, it can make one vulnerable to diseases.
The grieving process is different for all people depending on the circumstances. There are different forms of grief including Normal, complicated, anticipatory, resolved, unresolved, hidden, and disenfranchised grief ( Kastenbaum, 2015). Grief is considered normal if it is within the bounds of a certain cultural tradition. It becomes complicated if it escapes these bounds. A good example is if the bereaved do not accept the loss and lives in denial. Anticipatory grief begins even before the person dies. People in this type of grief have more time worry, go through stress, make decisions, strengthen relationships and clarify values.
Mourning is an expression of the feelings and thoughts of the bereaved. People express their feelings differently depending on their culture. This means that there are different patterns of mourning. For instance, in Hmong Homelands, mourning patterns are related to their religious belief. Hmongs believe that their physical world coexists with the spiritual. The spirit-parents take care of an infant before birth and the spirits of ancestors interact with the living. These spirits can help or cause harm and should, therefore, be respected. Mourning rituals should involve guide to the spirit world, reed pipe player and drummer, counselor to the family, counselor to the dead, shoemaker, stretcher-maker, geomancer, food server, warrior, coffin makers, and sacrificial ox slayers. It is difficult for these rituals to be practiced if Hmongs live in the United States. The process is different from that of other states as it depends on cultural background.
I experienced grief when I lost one of my closest cousins, Andrew. We grew up together, went to school together and did almost everything together. Andrew’s life was cut shot through a road accident and his death was one of the most shocking news I ever received. I could not stop crying and at some point, I thought I would have a nervous breakdown. I had lost a cousin who was more like a brother and a friend. This made me feel like I was going crazy. I did not know how life was supposed to be without Andrew and this brought about anxiety and confusion. It was difficult to move on even after the burial. However, I realized that I needed to move on and reorganize my life. I decided to focus on the good memories and good experiences that I had shared with Andrew and even though it was painful to live without him, I was able to get over the grief and move on. I focused on achieving the goals Andrew and I had before he met his untimely death and this helped me in moving on.
References
Kastenbaum, R. (2015). Death, Society and Human Experience (1-download) . Routledge.
