Difficult conversations evoke a lot of negative emotions that make most people fear having them. One of the most difficult conversations I ever had was leaving a doctor's office position. This was because I had a very personal relationship with my then manager, who treated me like a second daughter. She loved and cared for me, and I feared she would be hurt.
I prepared for the conversation several times before the actual day. After all, 60% of all difficult conversations involve reconciliation with one’s emotions, and 40% is the actual conversation (Grenny, 2019). I tied to weigh in on the pros and cons of my decision to feel boldened to see my way through. On that Friday late afternoon, I waited until we were alone. I made an inside joke to diffuse the tension I felt and asked her if we could grab a snack at a favorite spot we frequented. As we spoke of the work, we had accomplished that week, and how we felt, I tried to sneak in a few phrases that signified my need to continue growing and the increased bills I had to meet as time went by. Once we were at the restaurant, I told her I had received a very favorable opportunity elsewhere. I presented the facts of why I wanted to leave and acknowledged all the good things she had done for me over the years. I would slow down and take deep breaths before I responded to her.
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Even though she was upset, the outcome was a compromise since I agreed to stay on for a few days and organize everything in a way that would make it easier to onboard my replacement. I think had I referred to someone I knew who could have succeeded me, she would have felt less aggrieved since it would have shown I had considered her emotions.
Reference
Grenny, J. (2019, January 22). 4 things to do before a tough conversation . Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2019/01/4-things-to-do-before-a-tough-conversation
