Humans are social beings hence they develop social interactions that identify them as part of a group and to help in avoiding loneliness. I had a close friend called Sarah, with whom we interacted a lot both in school and outside of the school. My first contact with Sarah was during our first week at ShippensburgUniversity when she was with some friends including Josh, whom I had known before joining the University. I greeted them and introduced myself and also got to know the names of their other friends. Sarah occasionally smiled and made jokes during our brief interaction, and I realized that I could easily relate with her.
Sarah and I happened to be majoring in Computer Science, and we could meet at least three times weekly for our lessons at Shippensburg University. We exchanged contacts, and I got to know that she lives in Maryland with her parents. We started chatting through Facebook and text messages, sharing general information and any classroom issues that popped up. At school I sometimes offered to buy lunch then we could sit and enjoy as we chat. While Sarah explained an issue to me, she would directly look into my eye, and I could detect sincerity in what she said.
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In the second month in the university, my close friendship with Sarah was openly known among our classmates. Quite often after classes, Sarah would beckon me, and I knew she wanted us to have a chat at our usual place near the university cafeteria. We would talk face to face for long hours especially when we had no classes scheduled for the afternoons. Sarah shared some of the photos we took on Facebook and Instagram and tagged me as her friend. Several of our common friends would mostly comment positively, to the photos.
I noticed changes in our friendship during Continuous Assessment Tests (CATs) period. Sarah would choose to discuss with some of her friends and would not mind giving me company anymore. I studied and revised for the CATs on my own and sometimes held group studies. My perception of Sarah shifted as I realized that she did not see me fit to be her study partner. I felt disappointed and rarely replied to her messages. We would sometimes meet briefly, not sharing much as before since our friendship bonds had weakened.
My relationship with Sarah was purely platonic hence there are rules which enabled us to interact so well. First, we had mutual respect. I cared for her thoughts and feelings, and she also valued our friendship. The other rule is that we tried to be honest with each other as much as we could and understood that we are different individuals. I did not try to restrain her when she wanted to catch up with any of her friends, neither did she. Furthermore, we could share lesson notes, whenever any of us was away from school, as well as pass critical information from our lecturers. This way, our friendship flourished, and we both grew happier.
The rules we applied in our friendship were effective because it helped us know our boundaries and assist each other when in need. Offering a listening ear to Sarah’s beliefs, thoughts, ideas, fears, and plans made her feel appreciated relaxed in mind, something that made me happy. I would also share my happy moments and disappointments with her. She proved to be a very attentive and caring listener. Allowing each other personal space during our close friendship was essential so that we wouldn’t lose touch with our other friends and classmates. Undoubtedly, these rules were ideal for our friendship.
Conflicts arose during my close friendship with Sarah, and we tried our best to solve them. There was a time when Sarah promised that we would take lunch together at our usual restaurant but she neither showed up nor communicated the change of plan. She later apologized saying that she had met her childhood friend and they had a lot to share hence she forgot about our agreement. I felt disappointed especially when she mentioned that the mistake was minor and there was no need to get upset. I applied the accommodation technique for the sake of our friendship and did not pursue the matter further. Sure enough, we met in the subsequent days and interacted normally as we usually did.
There were instances when we collaboratively discussed ideas to arrive at plausible solutions. At some point, I made Facebook shares and comments which did not please Sarah. Another scenario was when I checked through her text messages as we took lunch and she got irritated. We amicably talked about these issues collaboratively, agreed on the way forward, and at the end each one of us was contented and happy. When Sarah started hanging out and having classroom discussions with her other friends, I tried to ask her why she did not mind about me but she never gave reasonable explanations. I felt saddened, but I decided to utilize the avoidance approach. I convinced myself that the issue would be sorted without any confrontations or further discussions.
Maintaining a healthy close friendship requires the utilization of relevant non-verbal and verbal communication techniques. Both parties should mutually agree on what works best for them. It is best to have face to face communications, easily understandable and relevant nonverbal communication cues, and constant phone communications in cases where the individuals are far apart and do not meet regularly. Appropriate conflict resolution techniques would also be essential for the well-being of the relationship.
