The email suffers from the following errors
The introduction of the email is abrupt. It should be affirmative as an individual holding a senior position is the recipient.
The email is longer than it should be as the main points aren’t brief
The author of the email keeps on repeating the same points over and over throughout the letter.
The sentence fragment is wrong in most parts of the letter.
The email is full of empty words, worn out phrases, redundancies and business buzzwords.
The letter is a formal letter but the manager uses a lot of slang and clichés for example in line to he says, “We seem to have endless meetings that drag on and on forever.” Slang words and phrases should not be used in writing official letters.
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The author knows the name/title of the recipient and does not include it in the salutation.
Revised Email
Subject: Miserable Meetings
Cc:
Attached:
Good morning (Name of the boss)
I wish to inform you that I will not be attending any more meetings as they are dragged on for long and this is a total waste of time. I recently participated in five meetings within the building and was later forced to attend three more. All these took place in a week. All of the meetings were poorly run, and most of the meetings should not have been called for as the information was announced after a decision has been made and some could have been easily handled through emails.
It is my opinion that something needs to be done about the lost productivity and sagging employee morale. Also, none of the employees wish to attend unnecessary meetings, and our managers should have been trained on how to handle meetings. There is a need for a meeting policy or something like that. Could we please talk about this?
Project Manager
