Several psychological studies have examined the notion regarding whether opposites attract and make better partners. Some of the studies reveal that individuals do not get into friendships or relationships with others that do not hold similar values as well as prejudices. In this light, the overall position of the theory that opposites attract can be considered as a myth. This argument follows the discovery that individuals are primarily attracted to other people that hold the same values as well as viewpoints as themselves. However, by referring to complementary arguments, it is possible to argue that opposites attract. The attraction is likely to lead to a long-term relationship, which could lead to the suggestion that the complementary couples are more likely to be satisfied in their relationships.
While a considerable number of theories on the procedure of mate selection, the idea that opposites attract is of particular interest for several researchers. However, the notion that opposites attract is subject to the interpretation of an individual due to the expectation that a couple with dissimilar traits are likely to have more conflict. Following this argument, an individual could suggest that the quality of the relationship between individuals with dissimilar personality traits and values might reduce. According to Dijkstra and Barelds (2008), complementary relationships usually end prematurely. However, Dryer and Horowitz’s (1997) use the complementary need theory to suggest that during mate selection, individuals are attracted to other people that fulfill their gratification needs. For instance, young women are presumably attracted to older males that are financially stable. For this reason, they are likely to select a man with the identified traits as their mate because they are in a position that could enhance their gratification regarding engaging in a romantic relationship.
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An understanding of the conception that opposites attract can be further enhanced by defining the theory of complementary needs during the selection of a partner. In this light, the complementary needs theory can be used to support the notion that opposites attract. Dijkstra and Barelds (2008) suggest that in addition to peoples' desire to get a partner with the same traits as themselves, men and women value different personality characteristics in their mates. Furthermore, tend to prefer partners that are socially dominant as well as reliable (Dijkstra & Barelds, 2008). The concept of social domination can be understood from the viewpoint that socially dominant men are those that are in a position of achieving a high social position in the social hierarchy, which makes them good providers. Conversely, reliable men are those that women prefer when in need of a long-term relationship. Dijkstra and Barelds (2008) use the Five Factor Model to hypothesize that they expect women to desire for a less neurotic partner, an emotionally stable and conscientious partner than men do.
It is believed that an individual’s interpersonal behavior invites a specific reaction from his or her partner. An example given by Dryer and Horowitz (1997) is that a dominant behavior is likely to invite a submissive response, while submissive behavior is more likely to attract a dominant response. This example could be used to argue that dominant males can be interested in selecting submissive females as their partners. However, the invited response might not be similar to the interpersonal objectives of a partner. If an individual invites a particular reaction from another person, which might match his or her goals, then the person is satisfied even though the other partner might end up being frustrated. This notion supports the complementarity principle (Dryer & Horowitz, 1997). In this case, individuals with dominant goals are likely to be satisfied when they select submissive partners since they assume that their partners would understand their objectives.
The study by Dryer and Horowitz (1997) suggests that people prefer interacting with complementary partners, which is a provision that supports the notion that opposites attract and make better partners. Individuals usually think that other people that possess complementary characteristics can be highly attractive to each other. Contrastingly, when a person looks for someone with the same personality traits as themselves, the perception is that the relationship would be boring. The identified lay theories can confuse people, consequently influencing them to select partners that they do not desire. When people are romantically involved, the identified confusion can generate relationship issues that might lead to the termination of their relationships. Regardless of this possibility, some complementary personality traits can potentially lead to the realization of high relationship quality. In this light, complementary partners, based on the concepts of dominance and submissiveness, are more likely to be attracted to each other compared to partners that are similar concerning their dominance and submissiveness.
It is possible to modify the traditional view that relates to complementary needs. The modification follows the idea that satisfied partners are likely to judge each other as complementary and not similar (Dryer & Horowitz, 1997). For instance, dominant individuals that are satisfied with their relationships are likely to describe their partners as submissive. In this case, the satisfaction of an individual is the core element that influences partner selection. People presumably refer to the mental representations of their ideal partner, which affects their interpersonal behavior. One of the mental representations is the generalized image that an individual has about their partner. The other representation is based on the description of an image of the self. These mental representations can be reflected in a person's interpersonal image of other people. Concerning the representations is Dryer and Horowitz's (1997) argument that if an individual has a negative image of him or herself, he or she might avoid intimacy. Additionally, if a person considers himself or herself as incompetent, he or she might seek assistance from another person.
One of the weaknesses of using the complementarity hypothesis to explain why opposites attract is the inexistence of a clear criterion that could be used to determine the factors necessary for explaining complementarity. In this case, no clear conditions exist that could be used for the determination of complementary need pairs. The idea that opposites attract could be used to assume that men are attracted to females, which is one of the aspects that demonstrate complementariness. This assumption creates difficulties when using the same analogy to explain the attraction between two males. For this reason, using the concept of complementarity cannot only be ambiguous but misleading as well. This conception can be used in explaining the idea of similarity. A study by Bin and Qian (2008) reveals that similarity significantly affects interpersonal attraction. The results from their study revealed that the participants were attracted to acquaintances that were more similar to themselves.
In short-term situations, Bin and Qian (2008) were able to determine that individuals usually rely on different perceptions of attitude similarity, which they used as a guide to their liking of another person, regardless of whether their personalities are similar or otherwise. In this case, the attraction is seemingly at its highest point when the personalities of two individuals are similar in a short-term situation. Conversely, when looking into the aspect of similarity through the lens of performing tasks, two personalities can be significantly attracted to the task they perform was the same among different groups. However, the attraction reduces when the tasks that the people are performing were dissimilar. This perspective explores the concept of attractiveness and mate choice based on the tasks being performed. The provision is indicative of the idea that the lay theory of opposites attracts might not be applicable in this situation.
In conclusion, the notion that opposites attract suggests that individuals are likely to use the complementarity principle when selecting partners. The concept of complementarity does determine not only the partner choice but also the quality of the relationship between the two individuals. In the short term, individuals are more likely to be attracted to other people with attitude similarities to themselves. However, complementary couples are more likely to make better partners because of the relationship goals that they have. An example that is provided is the consideration that goal of dominant individuals would be to get a submissive partner. The achievement of this goal will be satisfying to the dominant person, which means that he or she will be happy when his or her partner assists in achieving this objective.
References
Bin, Z. & Qian, G. (2008). The Effects of Familiarity and Similarity on the Interpersonal Attraction. Chinese Journal of Clinical Psychology, 16 (6), 634-636.
Dijkstra, P. & Barelds, D. P. H. (2008). Do People Know What They Want: A Similar or Complementary Partner? Evolutionary Psychology, 6 (4), 595-602.
Dryer, C. & Horowitz, L. M. (1997). When Do Opposites Attract? Interpersonal Complementarity versus Similarity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72 (3), 592-603.
