Relationships and Interpersonal Communication

In our everyday lives and routine, we meet people with whom we develop relationships ranging from family and friends to lovers. Relationships develop due to proximity, appearance, similarity, complementarity, competence, reciprocal attraction, and disclosure (Adler & Proctor, 2017). How long the relationships last depend on interpersonal communication and individuals' ability to communicate, understand each other, and solve arising issues. My relationship with my boyfriend, who I met in high school, has grown over time following effective interpersonal communication. Communication aspects that have played a role in the relationship include good listening, understanding non-verbal communication, and understanding emotional components.

My boyfriend's relationship was mediated by factors such as proximity, appearance, competence, similarity, and reciprocal attraction. As research suggests that people tend to relate more with those close to them, I met my boyfriend through a group discussion, although we were still in the same class (Adler & Proctor, 2017). By being in the same class, we would see each other more often, and the group discussion brought us even closer. Proximity also led to the eventual physical attraction, which I appreciated while we sat close in the discussion. When I showed my interest to him by talking to him most of the time, he reciprocated the same, creating a sense of 'I like you too' that created more attractiveness in the early stages of the relationship (Adler & Proctor, 2017). Besides, he was competent in basketball, which was the game I like the most, and his skill and conversion skills made me attracted to him hence our relationship. We were similar in various ways, including the lectures we attended, an outgoing and interactive personality, which made us similar. 

Our relationship has gone through almost all of Knapp's model of relational dynamics relationship-building stages. The first stage of our relationship was the initiation stage. We always had and handshakes as greetings, but since the group discussion initiation, we started hugging as greetings and having small discussions such as the weather patterns of the day. The relationship progressed to the experimental phase. One evening, the phase began when we got walked to the bus station together and had a small talk where I happened to know his likes, including basketball. During the conversation, I realized that we had a lot of similarities. We had exchanged phone numbers, and so like any other dating relationship, the intensifying phase happened mostly through calling and texting (Adler & Proctor, 2017). During the intensifying, we stage, we talked about our feelings to each other openly. The integrating step came, and during the phase, there was an invitation for dinner with each other's family and sacrificed time for each other. Besides, he stopped doing some things that I did not like, such as partying. The bonding stage was the one that has kept us until this time. In the phase, we made the relationship public, and all our friends knew that we were dating.

There were challenges relating to relational dialects, such as connection versus autonomy and openness versus privacy in the relationship (Adler & Proctor, 2017). There were increased complaints about spending time more together and going out in the connection versus dialectical autonomy tension. Besides, as research suggests, mean usually value autonomy in relationships than women; he wanted us to have more time having fun while I felt that we needed to concentrate on studies and our families (Adler & Proctor, 2017). We handled the dialectical tension through a discussion and set of priorities. Besides, we scheduled time that everyone would be comfortable with to help reduce the feeling of being left out or ignored. Regarding the openness and privacy dialectical tension, there was a time I felt that I was sharing so much, and he was sharing little. I felt like we needed to draw lines about how deep one could go while sharing their experiences and personal life. When I felt like I was going deep into privacy or doing the same during the early stages, I tried changing the topic or offering nonverbal cues that insinuated that I was not interested in the conversation's continuity. 

My listening preference in the relationship has always been mindful listening. In this listening preference model, I pay attention to every detail that my partner has to say, keeping in mind that he is a great communicator and always talks about what bothers him, even if it is minute. As noted by Adler and Proctor, "There are times when we need to consciously and carefully listen to what others are telling us." (2017) I am always keen to attend to what he says through mindful listening because he is sensitive to intentional or unintended ignorance. However, he possesses a mindless listening preference where in most cases, he attends to the most critical and urgent issues compared to the otherwise petty details. From the textbook, low listening strategies include pseudo listening, whereby a listener gives the physical impression of being attentive while not being attentive in the real sense. Another low listening strategy is selective listening, whereby the listener only attends to the matters in the conversation that interests them and ignores the rest (Adler & Proctor, 2017). On the other hand, defensive listening is where listeners perceive the talks as personal attacks, thereby evoking unnecessary feelings.

In many romantic relationships, emotions are usually hard to express, especially in the initial stages or face-to-face conversations. My feelings were those of love, real affection, and concern in my relationship's initial stages. As we progressed, jealousy, anger, and sadness would develop depending on the situations at hand. To manage my emotions, I used the concept of initial recognition and appreciation of the feelings (Adler and Proctor, 2017). By appreciating that I was in love with him, I got the courage to explain how I felt after telling him what he thought about me. Besides, recognizing the feelings helped me choose the best words to use during calls, texting, or face-to-face conversations. I also learned when and where to express my emotions, depending on the mood. Choosing the appropriate time to express feelings helps avoid the embarrassment of oneself or the other person (Adler & Proctor, 2017. When jealous, I always find the best option of telling him depending on what makes me jealous, whether it's a Facebook or Instagram post. Emotional expression is a crucial aspect of ensuring the continuity of my relationship.

In conclusion, my relationship with my boyfriend has experienced a great wave of efficient communication. Efficient communication ranges from effective listening to effective response. My relationship was mediated by proximity, appearance, competence, similarity, and reciprocal attraction. Relational dialect challenges such as connection versus autonomy and openness versus privacy have been in the relationship, but we handled them by balancing and changing conversations where necessary. Practicing mindful listening and knowing how to express my emotions have been critical factors in ensuring that my relationship progresses in the right direction.

Reference

Adler, R. B., & Proctor, R. F. (2017). Looking out looking in . Cengage Learning.