My boyfriend, Matt, is the most loving person I know. After a couple of failed relationships in the past, I was happy to be with someone caring and mature enough to commit. I met Matt about six months ago on my way to the library. He asked for directions, which I later found out it was an excuse to talk to me. I entertained him because I found him physically attractive. I was wowed by his symmetrical face, eye color, and masculine body. On our first date, I was a nervous wreck. I did not want Matt to know I already like him even though it was quite evident as I was giddy around him. We kept seeing each other for dates and events. We always talked on the phone until we fell in love with each other.
I experienced most of the concepts we learned as I got to know more about Matt. Talking to Matt was very addictive; it still is. I experienced feelings of euphoria as my brain released dopamine. When Matt was not around or too busy to talk to me, I felt like something was missing. With time, the feelings stabilized once I realized that Matt would be around for a long time.
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My relationship with Matt is not picture perfect. As much as we love each other, we have our fair share of problems. We argue about certain decisions when we want to do different things or when he forgets something important to me. One of the biggest fights I had with Matt is when he forgot my birthday. We were on the honeymoon phase of the relationship, so I expected him to remember all the small details such as my birthday. I did not remind him because I expected him to know and to have planned something nice. To my surprise, he had no idea, and I would have ended up one of the worst birthdays if my best friend did not take me out. I had a big fight with Matt afterward. I was not willing to listen to his apologies, and I was mad at him for days. He made it up to me later, and he was back in my good graces. My first fight with Matt made me realize that we were going to have a lot of arguments in the course of the relationship, and we need to handle them better.
The topic on “Communication Competence” explores some of the communication problems that we experience. The communication problems emanate from individual differences that make it hard to communicate effectively. Some of the individual difference include genetic inheritance, social, anxiety, verbal aggressiveness, interpersonal affiliation, and communicative adaptability (Beatty et al., 2001). My social anxiety and verbal aggressiveness get the best of me when I am in an argument with my boyfriend or friends. Matt has complained that I can be so loud such that he cannot even express himself because he cannot get me to calm down. I was so disappointed when he forgot my birthday. I yelled at him for almost fifteen minutes.
To make matters worse, I am an anxious-avoidant type; I idealize my partner when things are going well and view them negatively when in a conflict. I am not the most trusting person, and small issues can significantly affect me. I am more sensitive to rejection as much as I do not show, which is why I avoid people I am in a conflict with.
After the first fight, we have had more small fights. Matt and I continuously disagree over minor issues such as doing the dishes or picking up dinner, but they no longer affect us because we have used to each other. There are certain practices that I now rely on to communicate better. When arguing with Matt, I try to acknowledge that there are two elements to an argument; the person I am arguing with and the issue. I try to separate the problem from the person and to be tough on the issue and sensitive to the person. I am also working on reducing my verbal aggressiveness as I realize that it worsens the communication process. I cannot achieve my goals by yelling at my boyfriend, and I only alienate him further.
My six months with Matt have been fantastic. Our occasional fights do not come close to the many happy moments we have shared. I was attracted to Matt since the first day, mainly because of his physique and smile, but now I know there is so much more to him. He is caring, loving, and consistent and he has helped me become a better person. I love spending time with him, and I am looking forward to what the future brings.
