Activity 1: Autobiography
My short life has been one filled with drastic changes, losses, and triumph, most of which I brought on myself. I grew up in the city, where everybody was always in a rush to go somewhere. My parents were not left in the rush considering that dad was a foreman in a construction company, and mum was a nurse. In the city, everyday life was characterized by noise either from passing vehicles, machines at work, or even neighbors arguing. My earliest childhood memories were that of my grandmother singing lullabies to me or reading stories. I am the last born, and there is a huge age difference between my siblings and me, so by the time I was born, they were already in high school or college, so I never saw them that often. My grandmother was my world as I would listen to her narrate tales about the civil war and read stories before bed. My neighbors were always loud, either playing deafening music, hosting parties every week, or fighting in front of all of us.
I developed such a strong bond with my grandmother that when I began school, I would always beg her to accompany me to school alongside my mum. I conferred in her, consulted her with the little problems I had; she even helped me with my homework. My world revolved around her, and I trusted her word more than I trusted mum and dads. My world was turned upside down one evening when I came from school and to find mom and dad sobbing, only to be told that my grandmother had died in an accident on her way to her prayer group. The news came at a time where I was starting to make sense of everything around. I had not gotten attached to anybody else, and her demise took away the only source of inspiration I ever had. This greatly affected my school life as I grew quiet and distanced myself from others. As I progressed through elementary school, the feelings of loss and denial slowly turned into anger, and it was manifested in the way I treated my classmates. I turned into a full-blown bully. I picked on my friends every chance I got, which eventually led to them avoiding any contact with me.
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Schwitzgebel (2019) defines a jerk as someone who deliberately fails to consider the feelings of others, but sees them as tools that can be manipulated. It is not something that I am proud of, but I was a jerk. The behavior landed me in trouble with the school administration. For a while, my parents had become regular visitors at the school as I jumped from one bullying act to the next. Eventually, I was expelled since the administration could no longer stomach my behavior. Before I could join my new school, a life-changing occurrence took place where my parents died in a plane crash on their way to the honeymoon. The turn of events brought a moment of self- examination and a turning point. Self-realization is influenced by certain factors such as personal life, self- acceptance, and motivation (Maksimenko & Serdiuk, 2016). Looking back at this moment; this is where I examined what my purpose in life was. I was now alone since my brother and sister lived in other states, and we were not close. After my parents' death, I took a step back and started to think about my life. Despite my behavior in school, I also loved doing business stuff, mostly buying and reselling jewelry, but I had no friends to encourage me to pursue my passion.
It was during that time I recalled my grandmother and the great stories that she used to tell me. I longed for such a bond, but considering I did not have anybody for that, I decided to turn my life around and live according to her teachings. She was a business person back in the day, where she owned a chain of boutiques. She was also a firm believer in peace, hard work, consistency, so I made a vow to emulate those beliefs and become a better person. I also took a moment of reflection about the direction I wasted my life to take. Since I was a child, I have always depended on someone to mentor me; I was not always self-sufficient. As I sat down, I could not help but notice that I always thrived whenever I have support from someone, which is why my life changed when that support was taken away. My bullying behavior in school was caused by a lack of a role model whom I can relate to. Nevertheless, I was all by myself now, and it was time to change. I decided to turn my life around and go into the next phase of my life, a completely transformed person. As I proceeded to high school, my whole personality had changed. I was passionate about my school work, particularly business studies and math. Towards graduation, I had gained several friends, especially Emma, who was very dear to me. This was unlike me since a few weeks back I nobody interacted with me. By this time, I was getting tired of city life and yearned for a quieter countryside life, Emma and I had gotten close to the extent of sharing secrets and life stories. I had told her about my life, my grandmother, and the losses that I had encountered while she told me about her journey, specifically about her struggle with alcoholic parents.
Emma had filled in the place of a confidant that I needed so badly. Since my grandmother died when I was little, I had not found someone like her who guides, advises, listens, and comforts me. Nevertheless, Emma took that place. We became an inseparable pair, and I was determined to make the friendship work, mostly because I did not have anybody else. She became such a strong pillar, and I also made sure that I was there for her whenever she needed it. The biggest change since the demise of my parents began one evening Emma and I were having dinner, and she suggested that we apply for a university in the suburbs, somewhere far away from the city and all its disadvantages. I jumped to the chance where we began our university education about two hundred miles from the city. She studied pharmacy while I pursued a degree in business administration. I constantly encouraged myself to work hard so that I would not be a disappointment to myself, Emma, and my grandmother. Although she was long gone, I always felt like she was watching me, and this made me work even harder. My bond with Emma was further strengthened when we started dating towards the end of the first semester. We shared stories of our childhood once more, took road trips whenever we were on holiday up to the time we graduated and made the promise to love and always be there for each other.
This narration is different from the Week 1 narration as it incorporates the concepts of self-understanding, and it also focuses on the specific turning points of my life. Instead of just telling a story, it goes into detail as to how that particular occurrence influenced my life either positively or negatively. Additionally, the narration includes a part of life where I did not have a purpose as well as the circumstances under which I found one. Looking back, several turning points of my life have influenced the person I am today. The first one happened when I was beginning elementary school when my grandmother died. At that point, my little mind could not fathom the concept of life and death, but I felt empty without her around. It was as if life had lost meaning because the closest person I had was no longer there. The turnaround at this point was a negative one as it led to me turning into a bully. In the next phase of life that followed, I did not know what I wanted to become or the direction which my life would take. I was busy making the lives of all my classmates miserable to consider what I wanted to do. All the important life lessons about my grandmother had been forgotten since I was always preoccupied with other things.
Nevertheless, it took another loss, this time of my parents, to make me realize that life was moving fast, and I needed a purpose. I had mixed feelings by their sudden demise, mostly because it happened at a time when they were still angry at me. I did not understand myself, and considering the kind of relationship I had with them, a small part of me was relieved that they were gone. From the perspective of a purposeless and goalless individual who was in trouble for being expelled from school, their demise seemed convenient. However, I quickly snapped out of the feeling when reality dawned on me about the kind of situation, I was in. Here I was a young boy, who just got expelled from school, does not know what step to take, and his parents just died. As the funeral was going on and people praised the work of my parents noting the remarkable career and life journeys that they had had, I realized that I wanted that too. I wanted to have a future marked by success and reputable career. That is where I had my second turning point.
My third turning point took place when I met Emma, who filled the void that had been left by my grandmother. Our friendship flourished because we both needed someone to talk to and share secrets. By this time, I had already made a vow to follow my grandmother's footsteps and venture into the business world. Emma, on the other hand, was passionate about being a pharmacist, and she worked hard to get to her goal. Part of the reason why we became inseparable is because of the struggles that we had undergone in our childhood. Additionally, our newfound self- understanding defined our identities and led us to work towards a bright future. Even as we moved from the city and settled in the suburbs, we continued to bond. We constantly reminded ourselves that we were working towards a legacy of greatness and that the important part of life is that which is yet to be lived. Emma and I encouraged one another, and even when we took the next step in our relationship, we were still each other's biggest source of inspiration.
Activity 2: Reflection
The aspect of self can be comprehended as a unified being connected to consciousness and awareness (Kelchtermans, 2018). More often than not, we are not aware of ourselves until a life experience takes us to a moment of self- evaluation. Such an experience can make one rethink their sole purpose of existence, making them strive to lead lives that matter. That is one of the important lessons I have learned from this class. One such experiences is my friendship with Emma, particularly the time she suggested we apply for a university in a remote area. I was also thinking about moving, so when she suggested it over dinner, I was more than happy to oblige. The experience was significant in my life in that by this time; I had already made a firm decision to pursue business and become a successful entrepreneur like my grandmother. What is more, the move led to the next phase of our relationship, where we started dating. The past troubles were well past us, and we were hopeful for a bright future.
The teachings of this class have also inspired and changed me in several ways. For instance, I can look back at all the steps that I have undertaken and reevaluate the significance that they have had in my life. Additionally, I can go into the next phase of my life, understanding what it takes to lead a life that matters. The lessons have taught me that despite the significance that past experiences may have on me, it is always important to focus on the future and create new memories by pursuing dreams. When it comes to retelling my autobiography, I can now include the crucial lessons from this course by acknowledging the new themes that may emerge, depending on the perspective that the narrative is told from. As Bell and Leite (2016) said, self-understanding comes from lived experience.
References
Bell, D., & Leite, A. (2016). Experiential Self‐Understanding. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis , 97 (2), 305-332.
Kelchtermans, G. (2018). Professional Self-Understanding in Practice: Narrating, Navigating and Negotiating. In Research on Teacher Identity (Pp. 229-240). Springer, Cham.
Maksimenko, S., & Serdiuk, L. (2016). Psychological Potential of Personal Self-Realization. Social Welfare: Interdisciplinary Approach , 1 (6), 92-100.
Schwitzgebel, E. (2019). A Theory of Jerks and Other Philosophical Misadventures . MIT Press.
