The middle child syndrome is a concept from the theory of birth order which was coined by the psychiatrist Alfred Adler. In his theory, he posits that the order in which a child is born into their family affects their attitudes towards love, work, friendships and their general interpersonal habits. Adler reiterates that firstborns feel dethroned by the birth of a younger sibling while the children born in between the first and lastborn have family identity issues and feel overlooked leading to the development of the middle child syndrome. The middle child syndrome is characterized by the first child receiving more privileges and responsibilities, the second child feeling unsure of their familial position and the youngest receiving all the parental attention. An interview with Tiffany, my best friend's younger sister will be the point of reference in the analysis of the middle child syndrome.
According to the Birth Order Theory, the firstborn child is aggressive, a high achiever, conscientious, directive, goal oriented, rule-abiding, responsible, highly competitive, jealous, fearful and with a high self-esteem (Blair, 2013). The first child always has the desire to lead, protect and be a good example to their siblings and the birth of a second child makes them feel dethroned. They work harder to regain their parent's attention since they feel like it shifts with the birth of their siblings making them overly competitive even in life. In adulthood, the firstborns are likely to become authoritarian, cautious about relationships, aggressive at work due to the fear of loss of their position, low-risk takers and have strong leadership qualities (Ernst, 2012). The middle child develops a middle child syndrome once a younger child is born. The theory postulates that they feel neglected which makes them resentful with no drive and a negative attitude since they feel like they don’t belong with the younger child receiving all the attention and the older child all the admiration (Krause, Heindl, Jung, Langguth, Hajak & Sand, 2014). These feelings make them cause drama to be noticed since they feel like they are living under the spotlight of their siblings which creates feelings of insecurity which are reflected in their relationships and interactions.
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Middle children are also considered to be less sociable compared to their siblings, are loners and conformists who look up to the firstborn and others for direction (Ernst, 2012). They however possess strong mediation and conflict resolution skills, are susceptible to peer pressure, are loyal and have many friends. According to Adler, they have an even temper and a dismissive disposition to things, and they are more likely to succeed in entrepreneurship. They are also independent thinkers since their parents' attention is not centered on them, have lower esteem, but they are more flexible compared to their siblings (Krause et.al. 2014). The youngest children, on the other hand, is the family entertainer, dear friends, charming extroverts and are the most pampered of all the kids. Adler argues that the pampering negatively affects the child's adulthood since it makes them grow into selfish, irresponsible people with a high dependency on others (Blair, 2013). They also become narcissistic adults, manipulators and with a desire to disobedient to authority since they are always seeking to take control of things. Only children either adopt the characteristics of the youngest or the oldest child.
As such, Adler states that the middle child syndrome affects the middle child who has identity issues within the family setting and constantly feels overlooked and ignored by the parents and it affects the child’s adulthood (Krause et.al. 2014). The middle child syndrome has been a controversial concept among psychiatrists and psychologists with some supporting and others refuting its viability in evaluating adult behaviors (Ernst, 2012). To analyze the middle child syndrome concept, an interview with a twenty-five-year-old lady was undertaken to see how much of the middle syndrome characteristics she exhibited. She is the middle child in a family of three and an IT specialist and the interview questions were aimed at establishing which traits she possesses as per Adler’s description of the traits of people with the middle child syndrome. Tiffany was bold, outgoing, and confident but was not much of a talker during the interview from the onset (Krause et.al. 2014). She was open about her family life, work life and social life which enabled the data evaluation process on the effect of the family order she was born in on her character traits as an adult.
A Stanford University research reported that middle children are the most envious of all siblings, are least confident, and talk the least compared to other birth orders (Krause et.al. 2014). The interviewee has a warm disposition, is sociable and a great team player. During the interview, Tiffany shares about her work mates, her siblings and the different work projects she has been working on recently. She details the workshops they have had in the year, and she was elected the team leader in two of them. An analysis of these details shows that contrary to Adler's argument that the middle children are envious and less confident, Tiffany is the complete opposite (Ernst, 2012). Her sense of teamwork, team building, and leadership qualities are the total opposite of the supposed envy and poor teamwork skills associated with the middle child. It shows a very friendly person who can interact with her peers although this trait proves the ability of middle children to relate well with their friends. An occurrence that Tiffany experienced during one of her workshops where she was the team leader depicts the concept of loyalty to peers (Blair, 2013). She caught a team member using the company’s computer for personal use during office hours and let him off with a warning without reporting him to the appropriate authorities. Additionally, Tiffany seemingly tries too hard to be the good boss who everybody likes and lets her juniors do much of what they want as long as they finish their jobs (Krause et.al. 2014). The desire to please others and to be liked by other people is according to Adler a character trait common with people affected by the middle child syndrome in adulthood.
The middle child is independent, open minded and an outside-the-box creative thinker (Ernst, 2012). Tiffany shows all these traits since as she puts it, she learned to be self-reliant from a young age a habit that is reinforced by the little attention the child gets from the parents as Adler posits. She insists on doing everything by herself and enjoys being at the leadership position she was given in the various workshops since she gets the opportunity to formulate and implement her ideas. She also recently started IT consultancy part time which she says is her way of working and enhancing her designing skills. Unlike the belief that middle children are not driven, and they have a negative attitude towards life, Tiffany shows the complete opposite of these traits (Salmon & Schumann, 2012). She has high hopes for her upcoming consultancy business and is optimistic about moving up the corporate ladder considering that she leads people older than her and with more years of work experience in the team building events (Krause et.al. 2014). The mediatory role of middle children and their desire to avoid conflict at all costs is evident during the interview (Blair, 2013). When the waiter got the order wrong at the coffee shop where the meeting was taking place, Tiffany said she wanted what was offered although it was not her correct order. Her earlier mentioned leadership style also shows that she tries to avoid conflict with people by allowing them to have their way and by avoiding imposing her authority on them. The trait leaves her vulnerable to manipulation from others.
Tiffany also has a constant need to prove herself, is agreeable, compromising and diplomatic (Salmon & Schumann, 2012). Apart from her diplomacy at work, Tiffany seems to put other people’s needs before her own and like seen in the order scenario has no trouble compromising what she wants for what she gets. The need to prove herself makes her the first person at the office and the last person to leave and although this has landed her the leadership positions, it has compromised her social life and health. She was previously ordered to take a bed rest by her doctor after she nearly fainted at her job from the exhaustion of working and running the consultancy business on the side. At the start of the interview, she lets me know that she had to pass by the office but in the course of the interview keeps assuring me that we don’t have to rush and she is ready to put her plans on hold to accomplish mine. Since childhood, she has no trouble giving up things for her younger sister who always seems to want every good thing that she owns even in adulthood as Tiffany shares. Tiffany also shows signs of caution when sharing details her personal life, unlike the enthusiasm and adoration she depicts when sharing about her work and family a common trait with middle children (Salmon & Schumann, 2012). As Adler posits, middle children are overly cautious when forming personal attachments since they have a fear of rejection and abandonment which makes them less open to others for fear of being judged. When asked, to sum up how it feels being the middle child, Tiffany said that it feels like she has to struggle for everything, she feels like she has to be as successful as her older brother and as charming as her younger sister. She, however, terms her experience growing up as freedom filled away from the keen eye of her parents and interesting being the central point of reason when it came to dealing with her siblings.
In sum, a comparison and contrast of Adler's middle child syndrome with the interview show that the interviewee poses most of the traits associated with the middle child. She is a diplomat, a conformist, independent, a peacemaker and avoids conflicts, an overachiever, cautious during interactions and is puts other people's needs first. However, she has a high self-esteem contrary to the belief that the middle child has low self-esteem.
References
Blair, L. (2013). Birth order: what your position in the family really tells you about your character . London: Piatkus.
Ernst, C. (2012). Birth order: its influence on personality . Place of publication not identified: Springer.
Krause, P., Heindl, J., Jung, A., Langguth, B., Hajak, G., & Sand, P. G. (2014). Risk attitudes and birth order. Journal of Health Psychology, 19 (7), 858-868. Doi: 10.1177/1359105313481075.
Salmon, C., & Schumann, K. (2012). The secret power of middle children: how middleborns can harness their unexpected and remarkable abilities . New York, NY: Plume.
