Relationship problems are a familiar occurrence between two people who are in love. These problems can have a solution if the couple sit down and sort out their differences in a gentle and mature way. If this does not occur, it results in a breakup. A breakup is a painful and heartbreaking experience and is not easy to get over quickly. This makes the affected individuals to be withdrawn and not have the psych or urge of being in a relationship again. I have been a victim of a breakup sometimes back in my life. The relationship ended due to some reasons which I will list here. This paper is going to analyze the reasons why some relationship fall apart and give tips on how to handle breakups.
Reasons for Breakups in Relationships
Substance or drug abuse is one of the major issues that contribute to relationship problems. In a relationship where one partner is a victim of drug abuse the relationship always suffers some stress. Alcoholics usually become addicts after a prolonged period of substance abuse. Furthermore, they tend to me violent at times to their partners and this is always traumatizing. Together with violence, also come problems with law and at their workplaces and mismanagement of finances. This people tend to breach laws at work as they are always insensitive when drunk. All these in total can lead to an end in the relationship.
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Communication is a key for a relationship thriving on well. Having good communication can help couples what they feel, challenges they are facing and consequently finding a solution to the problem. But at times communication can be a problem in a relationship which can lead to it falling apart. Communication in a relationship should be constructive and moderate in order to maintain the relationship. Having good communication will always help couples to sort out their differences in an easier way therefore couples should always strive to maintain healthy communication between them.
Conflicts occur frequently in relationships because humans are prone to errors. The problem comes in where the approach used to solve the conflict is misused. Some especially the hot-tempered individuals resolve the arguments with fights, vulgar language, throwing harsh accusations at each other which is not helping at all. This breeds hatred more than love between the couple. But on the other hand, solving conflicts in a peaceful manner will even help the lovebirds learn how to cope with conflicts later on.
Infidelity in relationship for both genders is a damaging act. It breaks the trust that previously existed in a relationship. Men especially commit this act for self-satisfaction contrary to women who do it due to some emotional connection. Studies have shown that men find it difficult to forgive emotional infidelity unlike their female counterparts who can easily forgive. Emotional infidelity does not necessarily involve sex with it (Guerrero et al, 2017). Either way still emotional infidelity and sexual infidelity lead to relationship breakups.
Incompatibility problems in relationship can lead to breakups and are always discovered later on in the relationship. People who have the same thoughts, interest in things and activities, religious views and the social life in general tend to blend in very well. When people have differing opinion in many issues can never enjoy stable relationship. This is often steered by external forces that could be their families or friends. Additionally, a couple whose age difference has a wide gap is likely to have a breakup more than the one that falls in the same age bracket.
Another aspect on incompatibility comes in the education level. Some individuals in relationship tend to look down upon their partners if they feel that they are superior than them in terms of intelligences. This makes the relationship to be on a loose end.
Communication Patterns that Contribute to a Breakup
The act of self-defense in an argument leads to dissolution of many relationships. You might find that an individual is trying to justify their actions in the course of their partner presenting their complaints. This results in total misunderstanding because no one is listening to the other. Most of the individuals on the wrong are never ready to be accountable for their wrong doings and instead come up with lame excuses every time that makes their partners feel like they are the ones on the wrong.
Disrespect is another problem that is eating up relationships nowadays. This happens when instead of solving issues the moment they arise; one chooses to stay silent about them. Anger starts to build up in them consuming them internally. Then as time goes by, one starts acting in a sarcastic manner and behaving rudely towards the partner. Rather than doing all these it is better to be open and frank and talk to your partner and let them know how you feel about a certain situation. I once fell a victim of this poor communication pattern.
The third communication pattern that can lead to a breakup is criticism. This comes about when one is always at the back of his or her partner trying to condemn or correct everything they do. When the frequency of criticism increases it leads to annoyance and one can take it very personally leading to a breakup. It’s good to learn to be patient and understand each other in relationships to avoid such occurrences.
The act of stonewalling can really sabotage a relationship. This is the process of detaching oneself from an argument not necessarily physically but can also be mentally. It is good to have some time alone and let yourself cool down then proceed to solve the conflict.
Prominent Stages of Duck’s Process of Relationship Dissolution
Intrapsychic processes whereby one thinks about the negativity part of the relationship and their comparison with the impact of letting go of that relationship. Some partners are often in a confusion. They are not sure if they should discuss the burning issue with their spouse or just let it go. This results in them being restless. The second stage which is prominent is the grave-dressing process. This process involves narrating the breakup story in a manner that suits the audience and showing the society how to deal with the breakup in an acceptable manner. The last one is the resurrection process whereby one picks one or two lessons from the previous relationship and starts a new chapter in life.
Ways to Leave Your Partner
Basing on my own relationship my breakup was indirect. The common way used was withdrawal of affection and support. The partner was always absent almost in every situation in my life. There was no emotional support even slight communication at the worst moments. This eventually sent a message to me that relationship could not last any longer. Another way used was cost escalation whereby the partner’s attitude towards me changed. He became rude, moody and mean all the time. This could clearly send a message. Thirdly is the de-escalation technique where the partner approaches in a polite but hurting manner requesting for some space. This was done by asking if we could be friends for some time.
All these put together brought emptiness in me and made me feel foolish. This was hurting and devastating. I could not take it in easily but finally came to accept and moved on with life.
How to Cope with a Breakup
Keeping one distracted by doing things you love. For example, going out for shopping, searching for favorite movies to watch and trying out your favorite recipes. In addition, going for road trips and stepping out in a new world to meet new people helps to clear the mind. Secondly, you can decide on a day and time to end your sadness. You can try to count on the support of friends and family.
Reference
Guerrero, L. K., Andersen, P. A., & Afifi, W. A. (2017). Close encounters: Communication in relationships . Sage Publications.
