The strongest non-violent communication skill is clarifying what emotions one is feeling. It is the ability to recognize and express emotion without criticism, judgment or blame. Identifying feelings allows one person to connect with another person even though feelings are sometimes hard to convey in words, for example, “I feel that I did not get a fair share”. How I feel is an expression of emotion rather than thought. One should take responsibility for own feelings rather than projecting on another person. In taking personal responsibility, one may say, “I am glad that I restrained myself from insulting you”. A person may be involved in taking responsibility for another person; for example, “I am sorry I made you angry” (Hinde, 1972).
Skills I would like to improve in romantic, family or work relationship is clarifying what I am observing and clarifying emotions I feel. Observation has no aspect of judging but rather seeing or hearing a situation. Direct observation provides a good foundation for communication. One may say, “I heard you coming in at 3:13 in the morning”. Observation does not have evaluation such as, “you came in so late”. The evaluation may be a hindrance to building a relationship. Instead one should say, “I looked in the kitchen and I could not see any food supplies, I thought you had gone shopping”.
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When it comes to feeling, saying emotions one feel establishes a spirit of understanding and cooperation. Expression of emotion can establish a relationship, example, “I like you a lot and I can’t live without you”. As for implication in the workplace, personal emotional awareness helps to build good relationships. One may say, “I am glad that you are working with us” (Bryant et al., 2003).
References
Hinde, R. A. (Ed.). (1972). Non-verbal communication . Cambridge University Press.
Bryant, Jennings, David R. Roskos-Ewoldsen, and Joanne Cantor, eds. Communication and emotion: Essays in honor of Dolf Zillmann . Routledge, 2003.
