Normally, marriage is between two consenting adults premised on a number of reasons. When this arrangement does not work, a decision to divorce and the arrangement on how to go about it is arrived at between the two individuals. However, the decision to marry and/or divorce has a major effect on a secondary party; the children, who more often than not are never involved in the decision-making program (Marquardt, 2005). When a couple enters into a marriage, they understand the risks involved including probability for conflict and even divorce hence should be prepared for it thus the only real victims of divorce are the hapless children who are caught in between the crisis.
To Divorce or Not: A Children’s Perspective
This is one of the largest social and scholarly debates regarding married parents who are considering divorce. Many divorce supporters argue that unhappy couples make terrible parents thus holding on to a marriage that is either abusive or incompatible is injurious to the children. Opponents on the other hand argue that children know parents as a unit and divorce in many cases force them to choose between one of the parents based on legal decisions made upon divorce. The two absolutely divergent opinions are alternately valid but mainly applicable under different circumstances. It, therefore, follows that the analysis on whether or not to divorce should be determined in a case on case basis premised on the specific circumstances of the marriage (Marquardt, 2005).
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Post-Divorce Conduct
The next contentious issue after whether or not to divorce relates to the conduct of the parents towards one another and the children after the divorce has gone through. In many cases, the courts or settlement will bequeath custody to one parent with the other parent getting some access rights. Both parents are important to the child and whenever possible, parents should be able to put their differences aside and cooperate for the sake of the children. However, the fact that good post-divorce conduct is good for the children should not be used as an excuse to encourage divorce (Mathew, 2013).
The Ethical Dilemma
Ethics in this case are based on an individual opinion of right and wrong based on personal belief and also the circumstances of the case. Ethics however, also include inherent obligations created by different circumstances. From a personal perspective, the decision to have children is separate and independent from the decision to marry. The decision to have children ought to be made with a focus on the future and an understanding of environment one would want to raise children (Fergusson et al., 2014). Extreme caution should, therefore, be applied when deciding to share parenthood with someone else just as extreme caution should be applied when this parent bond is broken through a divorce. My personal position is, therefore, that if a well-considered decision was made to have children within a marriage, the marriage should be made to work for the sake of those children. However, this becomes a dilemma when the continuation of the marriage is injurious to the children (Fergusson et al, 2014).
Conclusion
Divorce hurts all the parties involved. However, the couple knew the risk they assumed while the children did not, making children the real victims in a divorce. The issue of divorce among parents should be a major factor in deciding whether to have children in the first place. Further, unless the marriage itself is more injurious to the welfare of the children than a divorce would be, parents should use any means necessary to avoid divorce. In the event divorce still ensues, parents should employ civility and assist one another in catering for the children jointly. In all decisions to be made, children should be given prime priority.
References
Fergusson, D. M., McLeod, G. F., & John Horwood, L. (2014). Parental separation/divorce in childhood and partnership outcomes at age 30. Journal of child psychology and psychiatry , 55 (4), 352-360
Marquardt, E. (2005, June 11). Just Whom Is This Divorce “Good For? Family in Society: Essential Primary Sources, 2006 from Opposing Viewpoints in Context. Retrieved form link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/CX2688300041/OVIC?u=mill30389&xid=91eefedc
Mathew, S. (2013). “ Divorced Parents Must Work to Coparent Their Children .” Retrieved from http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/EJ3010953208/OVIC?u=mill30389&xid=d2d2d075
