Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, assess and keep in check one’s own an others emotions. Our intelligence to handle these emotions can affect the relationships with others. Our emotions, such as anger, love, insecurity among others, have a great influence in our lives. This article looks into one’s triggers to emotions from others and a course of action to take on these emotions. It also looks into actions that trigger other people’s emotions, aspects of their lives that may feel threatened when these things occur and a plan of action to practice when the actions trigger emotions in others. It also handles how these triggers influence the conflict style. At one point in life, one is triggered and it is learning how to tolerate and find amicable solution in conflicts.
Things that people do or say that trigger emotional response in me
One of the triggers is an unfair treatment from people in positions of power. This happens when the person in power has a score to settle, is bias for various reasons such as racial discriminations or is corrupt and already has a predetermined choice. This kind of treatment triggers anger and dissatisfaction. Anger is stirred by understanding and realizing the struggles faced in acquiring and being competent in a given area of expertise but someone who has the authority does not realize it. There is also the moral aspect of fairness, openness and equity in choosing or vetting an employee ( Chen, 2016 ). Dissatisfaction is brought by the feeling of being the better choice but an opportunity has been scooped away from me in an unfair manner. Anger can easily be overcome by taking some time alone to calm down. Dissatisfaction can be overcome by pointing out these feelings. First, let the person in authority know the treatment if unfair, immoral and inappropriate. If they do not take action on the advice, report inappropriate treatment to authorities responsible.
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Secondly, impractical and ignorant behaviors trigger my emotions. This often happens with sibling or children. For example, a kid misbehaves or breaks school rules. They are sent home to bring their parent or guardian. The kid thinks he/she can take care of the issue without informing the parent or guardian and instead hires or borrows an elder person to attend on behave of the parent or guardian. When the kid’s petty plan fails, he/ she is in even deeper troubles and the school is able to reach the parent. There is a moment of anger, disbelief and a feeling of betrayal. The anger is brought by realization of the level of escalation of the issue. The parent cannot believe the actions of the kid as he/she has raised the kid to be better. The parent feels betrayed by the actions of the kid because he/she believes their relationship with the kid is open and honest. It makes the parent wonder what other things the child has secretly concealed from them. The appropriate action on these situation letting the child know they have brought disappointment. Make them understand it is best to let the parent know in this kind of issues.
Thirdly, it triggers emotions to have proposals made consistently criticized by other people. Every person in a group needs to feel appreciated, wanted and their contributions recognized. If people keep criticizing every proposal one makes, it triggers a feeling of low self-esteem, disassociation and being unwanted. The low self-esteem is triggered by feeling as if one does not meet the threshold of the group and the contributions do not measure up to their standards. If one makes no sensible contributions, they feel like they do not belong and begin physically and emotionally detached from the group. When feeling dissociated, being patient and not giving up helps as soon or latter finds a point to connect with the other people. In times of low self-esteem and feeling unwanted, it is advisable to talk to someone about these feelings.
Things that trigger emotional responses in others
In our day today activities, we often do things that trigger others’ emotions even though we may not realize it. Some of them include being too busy and not finding personal time especially with friends of people of close relationships for example spouses and children. A good example is a father who has to work even on weekends. Children sometimes do not understand that parents have to work long hours sometime. They compare them to others’ parents who have a different working schedule. This threatens the relationship and causes dissatisfaction. These triggers the feelings of not being important and valued. They also feel detached. It is advisable to let them know one is on a tight schedule but keep in touch even for short moment that are available. It advisable to let people know that you value them even if you do not have time to be together often ( Farnia, 2018 ). It also good to offer to find time and make efforts to have some time together.
Discounting or ignoring other people happens every now and then for various reasons. Sometime people who one feels do not have a common goal and have no need to associate with keeping calling for attention and I keep ignoring them. For example, people tend to ignore and discount people who use inappropriate language. This kind of behavior stirs anger in other people. The immediate plan of action in this situation is to let that person know the reason why you discount them. Sometime offering some time to them may make one change their opinion on them ( Canaan, 2016 ). It is also advisable to respectively and intelligently decline requests in situation like where one uses inappropriate language to safeguard other people’s feelings.
In some situations, I joke or make sarcastic statements about someone’s comment or issue and later find out they are important to them. For example, someone generalizes a question to conceal the identity of someone close to them. Even if they may not show it right away, they feel angry with it. They feel one is insensitive. The sense of belonging is threatened and one feels out of place. In these scenarios, it is advisable to digest something before commenting on it.
At work, one tends to put up with low standard work or behaviors from people they consider friends and colleagues. Take a scenario where a close relative is a subordinate and their work does not measure up to standards. In most cases, one is compelled to keep this information to themselves and alter the results yourself. If the friends and colleagues realize this it ignites anger and disbelief. They also feel let down and less worthy. In this kind of situations, it is advisable to be open to them lather than spare their feelings at the expense of one’s feelings. It also helps them improve to better standards. Being remorseful and apologizing about it is helpful. Rectify their mistakes with impartiality.
Isolating or going silent on others when they do wrong. Since they era not used to that, they will find it abnormal. In a work situation, a colleague is used to being corrected verbally and right away. When one chooses to go silent, they get irritated. They also feel left out. Additionally, it lowers confidence and makes them less active in future because they feel their opinion does not count. Their inclusivity is also threatened ( Wallensteen, 2018 ). On noticing the frustration, take the initiative to explain the reason for silence. Promising to speak up also motivates them. Fulfilling the promise builds confidence in them.
How these triggers influence collaboration
Impractical and ignorant behaviors have a negative influence on collaboration. In that, these behaviors worsen the situation hence widening the rift and detaching the conflicting parties. In unfair treatment by people in power, one is does not have the interest of working together because they feel there is not enough appreciation from them. It is hard to work with people who constantly criticize someone. One feel that their point is not relevant leading to lesser contributions from them. Discounting and ignoring people creates splinter groups that do not promote collaboration. Putting up with poor results and behaviors gives people confidence because you tolerate them. This builds up their confidence and esteem keeping them active.
This module is educative in that one realizes collaboration is not enough as a conflict style. Being sensitive to other people’s feelings is important as a way to avoid conflict. In collaboration, it is crucial to appreciate and motivate others regardless of their positions of power. It is also important to consider other people’s opinion.
In conclusion, emotional competence is a give and take process as different people react valiantly to various situations in a conflict. Therefore, it is not a matter of how perfect one is or how often one tries to mediate, at some point in time ones feelings are triggered. It’s a matter of learning how to cope and survive in it.
References
Canaan Messarra, L., Karkoulian, S., & El-Kassar, A. N. (2016). Conflict resolution styles and personality: The moderating effect of generation X and Y in a non-Western context. International journal of productivity and performance management , 65 (6), 792 810.
Chen, A. S. Y., Hou, Y. H., & Wu, I. H. (2016). Handling conflict at work–the impact of active and agreeable conflict styles. International journal of conflict management , 27 (1), 50-61.
Farnia, F., Nafukho, F. M., & Petrides, K. V. (2018). Predicting Career Decision-Making Difficulties: The Role of Trait Emotional Intelligence, Positive and Negative Emotions. Frontiers in psychology , 9 , 1107.
Wallensteen, P. (2018). Understanding conflict resolution . SAGE Publications Limited.
