Glasser views all human behaviors as choices. His Choice theory suggests that deadly habits need to be replaced by caring habits. The Choice Theory indicates that people are in control of their behaviors, but they cannot control other people, and that is why he suggests that external controls, deadly behavior, should be replaced by the new choice theory, caring behaviors (Hale & Robey,2019). This paper seeks to explain Glasser’s deadly and caring habits. Glasser has seven deadly habits, which are replaced by seven caring habits.
Among the seven deadly habits, there is complain. In this case, people tend to complain when their partners do not meet their demands. Instead of always complaining about issues in one's relationship, it is essential to try to talk to a partner so that they can be able to fix them. Sometimes, too many complaints can make a partner want to walk away from the relationship. Besides, there is punishing ( Rouhollahi, 2016) . This involves making a partner pay for the things they did that did not make one happy in the relationship, and instead of punishing them, it is essential to talk to them and make them know that they were not happy with their behavior. Thirdly, Glasser states that t hreats tend to instill fear, which can be used to control someone. Instead of always trying to control a partner, it is essential to have a decent conversation. Hence, this forms the basis of threatening as a deadly habit.
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Additionally, there is Blaming. This involves placing the responsibility for some issues on one person. In a relationship, blaming can affect the partners as they will always feel overburdened by the responsibilities of trying to make the relationship workout to avoid being blamed. Criticizing is another deadly habit. Criticism makes someone feel inferior, which can be a way of intimidating a partner in the relationship. This can affect them to the point of leaving the relationship . The sixth habit is Nagging. In this case, i nstead of always nagging a partner, it is important to have a mature discussion on the issues affecting a relationship. Nagging makes them feel like they are being pushed to do something that they do not wish. Finally, there is Bribing. This is a way of instilling external control to a partner. Here, one partner tries to control the other partner's behavior in exchange for love and care. It is important to discuss the issues affecting the relationship.
Instead of having the deadly habits in a relationship, Glassier suggests that they should be replaced by caring habits to make the relationship better. Caring habits include having respect. It is important to build a relationship on the foundation of mutual respect. This means that the partners should respect each other’s boundaries and limitations and respect each other's feelings. Trusting is another caring habit. It is important to build trust between the two partners in a healthy relationship—this aids in strengthening relationships. Thirdly, supporting is a key habit that enhances the building of relationships. The best relationships are the ones that the partners encourage each other. The physical, emotional, and mental support is very crucial in a relationship.
Nevertheless, there is encouragement. Encouragement from a partner makes one feel like they have somebody to have their back. Hence, it is important to get encouragement in the relationship as it reminds partners of their strengths and weakness and how to cope with them. Negotiating differences is also a caring habit. Mature relationships must have a compromise. This means that partners must accept that not all the times their needs will be met. Moreover, sometimes they have to work with their partner's ways of things. It is through a compromise that partners can build a strong relationship. Listening is another caring habit that comes in handy. It is essential to give a partner a listening ear when they want to express their selves. Being positively minded in hearing what one has to say is essential as it enables partners to better understand each other. Lastly, there is acceptance. Acceptance brings validation; hence, it is important for individuals always to show their partners that they accept them for who they are as this will make them feel loved. It is also important to talk about the things that one dislikes in the relationship. Hence, this aids in building a lasting relationship.
Deadly habits are toxic when it comes to relationships. They tend to destroy relationships as they can sometimes lead to people disconnecting from one’s life. This can cause depression and anxiety disorders. As a result, it is advisable to seek counseling if one feels depressed and lonely (Laird, 2019). The habits can impact the counseling session as some people may find it had to do away with the deadly habits. This can be caused by the possession of certain behavior from childhood age (Wubbolding, 2019). In such a case, the counselor needs to encourage the client to drop the controlling behavior. The counselor needs to persuade their clients to adopt certain new behaviors to lead a normal life.
Additionally, some people may feel superior, and when their partners ask them to attend a counseling session for the benefit of their relationship, they might refuse as they feel they do not need it. If their partner attends the counseling session alone, it might not benefit as the toxic partner will still affect the relationship negatively (Schaller, 2016). Also, if the clients seeking counseling are too attached to the deadly habits, the session may not be successful because they may still go back to their old ways of doing things. This is because they will feel like the counseling has been a waste of time to them. On the contrary, some clients have good habits, and they make counseling easy as they are already positive-minded about change. In this case, they are willing to change and make their relationships better. Hence, this makes a counseling session effective.
Conclusively, the choice theory is a representation of basic human needs that all individuals seek to satisfy. Individuals try to satisfy these needs through behavioral choices. As a result, Glasser came up with the seven deadly and caring habits that arise from human beings trying to satisfy their basic needs. From this, caring habits are acceptable, whereas deadly habits are unacceptable. Hence, counseling sessions aids in dealing with deadly habits while promoting caring habits.
References
Hale, J. V., & Robey, P. A. (2019). It All Begins with Relationships: The Glasser Quality School Model. In Creating Caring and Supportive Educational Environments for Meaningful Learning (pp. 20-35). IGI Global.
Laird, C. (2019). Counselling in practice: Heavy conversations. Australian Pharmacist , 38 (3), 18.
Rouhollahi, M. (2016). Choice theory: Investigating human behavior in four dimensions. International Journal of Choice Theory and Reality Therapy , 36 (1), 31.
Schaller, R. M. (2016). Perceptions and Choice Theory in Schools and Counseling.
Wubbolding, R. (2017). Counselling with reality therapy . Taylor & Francis.
