How Divorce Affects Children's Development

The rate of divorce in many countries has increased in recent years. In the United States (U.S), a number of scholars have argued that 50% of the marriages will end in a divorce. Divorce refers to the process of dissolving a marriage or the termination of any marital union. It al so involves canceling or reorganizing legal duties and the various marriage responsibiliti es. Therefore , it is the breakage of the matrimon ial bonds between a married couple, which is mostly done under the rule of law of a given state or country. While i t might sound simple, mak ing the decision to end a marriage is not easy (Wallerstein, 1991). Often , both parties take a l ong time making the decision . This might be easy for one of the parties and hard for the other. However, sometimes a couple might find themselves in a situation where they canno t solve their conflicts, and this forc es them to end their marriage (Gigy & Kelly, 1993) . It has been claimed that change is part of life . However, in situations where divorce has taken place, the repercussions have been dire. This is especially for couples with children. This paper will, therefore, explore the causes of divorce and the long-term effects on the children. Likewise, it will present methods of raising children whose parents have divorced. 

Often , the leaving of one parent is hard, but the departure does not mean that he or she stopped caring about those remaining behind . Sometimes, this is fuelled by circumstances. Nevertheless, t his move affect s everyone in the family . Chiefly, the children are the most affected because they have to deal with the cha llenge of growing up with only one parent. According to Öngider (2013), divorce always ha s a significant impact on the children . This is to the extent that some of them might be affected for the rest of their lives. To a child , the value of a mother and father cannot be overstated . Divorce breaks this bond and affects children in profound ways, both in the short term and long term. Against this backdrop, efforts to either reduce divorce rates or help t hese children to cope with the change are critical. 

Causes of divorce 

The rate of divorce in the society today is alarming . Consequently, peoples’ perception of marriage has shifted significantly with some claiming it is a game of chance. According to statistics , 40-50 percent of the first marriages in the U.S will end in a permanent separation or divorce. Öngider ( 2013) argues that this percentage will go higher for second marriages . Various scholars haves sought to understand the drivers of this phenomenon. These factors put a strain on marriage, and if not addressed in time, lead to divorce. Taking cognizant of the fact that the causes of divorce differ for different households, some commonality exists. The factors that have been associated with higher rates of divorce include the following; 

Young age 

Child (1986) claims that marriages which involve very young couples are likely to end up in divorce. This is according to a study that wa s conducted in the U .S . Th e individuals who marry in their teens are likely to experience higher divorce rates . Therefore, the older the couple, the l ower the likelihood of divorce. Thus, i t has been realized that marriages between those aged above 25 years for men, and 23 for women are more likely to last longer . Though not a complete guarantee, a greater percentage of such mature marriages is bound to last . This has been tied to the ability to make serious marriage decisions. Young er individuals are considered less likely to make mature decisions compared to the ir old counterparts . Further, a younger couple might not be in a position to approach issue s from a sober and mature perspective . For instance, s imple disagreements in such couples will develop into serious conflict s, possibly leading to divorce. As opposed to mature individuals , younger couples are more likely to make unsound decisions. Likewise, they are less likely to resolve their conflict s amicably, and this might fuel the likelihood of divorce in such couples. 

Lower education levels 

According to research, individuals with higher levels of education have lower divorce rates compared to those with lower education levels. For instance, college graduates have low divorce rates compared to high school dropouts or the individual s that never got to high school. Education is considered a key factor in building a strong marriage foundation. This is because e ducation helps in developing all-round ed person s with the ability to make critical decision s and to think about matter critical ly . Most often, w ith less education, an individual ’s approach to issues is poor . The higher the education level, the better developed a person is in all spheres of life and vice versa. Education, therefore, plays a crucial role in fuel ling d ivorce since less education leads to poor decision making and conflict resolution, and vice versa (Guidubaldi & Perry , 1985).

Low-income levels 

Financial stability is very vital for the stability of every marriage . In this regard, scholar s have establish ed that individuals with high er income s have lower rates of divorce compared to those who earn less. This is because f inances are key sources of stress in marriages and thus might be the cause of myriad disagreement s in marriages. Therefore, h avin g considerable amounts of income can save a marriage. In marriage , financial pressure affects men the most compared to women. For instance , if a man cannot support his family fully , he is more likely to feel emasculated. This leads to increased households conflicts, which are recipe s for divorce. Against this backdrop, f inancial stability plays a vital role in promoting stability in marriage s. This is why it is advisable for individual s to commit to marriage only when they are ready since it is a tremendous responsibility (Kalter, 1987). However, this readiness is never c omplete without a permanent source of income to provide for the daily family needs.

Insecurity and differing religious affiliation 

Individual personalit ies pla y crucial roles in marriage. A s a result, such factors can put a marriage a t stake, creating a possibility for divorce (Hetherington et al. , 1985). One of the most common issues in this regard is personal i nsecurity , which is connected to self-worth. Most often, the people who doubt their self- worth are more likely to end up being unhappy in marriage and with time this might lead to divorce. Religious affiliation is also critical in marriages. Research has established that the unions whose partners share religious affiliations and beliefs are more likely to last longer. Conversely, divergent religious backgrounds and views are more likely to put a strain on marriage, leading to divorce. 

Abuse  

Most divorces are fuelled by some form of abuse amongst the partners. This occurs when the man or woman physically or emotionally misuses the partner, leading to constant stress and pressure . This phenomenon might lead to s eparations and finally, divorce. In a marriage, all the partners have a right be safe sexually, emotionally and physically. Likewise, t his environment should be provided for not only t he adults and children but everyone in the family (Atkeso n et al. , 1982). If any of the partners feel s insecurity in any way, they might opt to walk away. The parents, mostly mothers, are less likely to feel happy when the y are abused by their partners . E qually, they feel worse when their husbands abuse any of their children. The need to ensure their safety and that of their children might be a good reason for the women to opt for a divorce. 

In stable marriages, the couples understand each other and have structures for addressing their differences . In these marriages, cases of divorc e are rare. However, w hen constant conflict characterizes a marriage , it creates a negative environment for the growth and development of the c hildren. In such cases, the children are better off when their parents are divorced. T here fore, in marriages where the challenges and misunderstandings cannot be fixed , divorce is considered the best option. Partner abuse has always been a major contribut or to the many divorce cases. And this has always been the physical and sexual abuse.

Infidelity  

Infidelity occurs whe n one or both partners have been unfaithful in marriage . Infidelity has been identified as a leading cause of divorce. The likelihood of divorce doubles with cases of infidelity . There is a consensus amongst members of the society that infidelity is morally wrong and thus should be encouraged. The vice is considered a disgrace to the promises made during the establishment of marriage. However, as the society becomes more open and moral structures loosen, infidelity in marriage has increased significantly. Infidelity is associated with shame and other repercussions. Thus, it is very difficult for the culprits to admit to their partners that they have been unfaithful. However, in cases where infidelity is unearthed , it may le a d to divorce (Matsafu, 2005).

Hodges (1991) says that while infidelity is not eas ily re cognizable , once i t is apparent to one of the partners, it is one of the hardest events to recover from in marriage . The discovery is also traumatic, and complete recovery take s a long period. T he rapists cite three main stages of recover y from this traumatic experience. These are preceded by absor ption of the shock that comes with infidelity and dealing with the traumatic impact. The second phase involves creati ng a meaning and trying to understand the reason for the occurrence of the affair . F inally, the affected individuals move on with life, which entails either retaining the marriage or getting divorced. In most cases, the last stage end s in a decision to live apart . This is because it is often difficult for the unfaithful person to convince his or her partner that infidelity won’t happen again. 

Effects of divorce on children 

In the U.S, more than a million children are exposed to divorce annually. Divorce results in irreparable damage to all those involved (Amato, 2000; Amato & Keith, 1991). However, children are the most affected amongst them. Overall, divorce results in a temporary reduction in the quality of life of the children. In cases where adequate support mechanisms are not put in place, divorce may initiate permanent and long term damages to the affected children. For instance, h appiness in a family is fuelled by both the parents and children. As such, when the parents are happy, the children are more likely to be happy. The reverse is also true. Thus, c hildren always suffer differently depending on the cause of divorce, who is leaving and who is remaining behind . The effect of this that some children are affected for their entire lives. Based on the Piaget cognitive theory of development, the impacts of divorce vary with age and the stage of development ( Piaget , 2003 ) . According ly, s ome of the effects of divorce on childr en aged up to 18 years include ; 

Declined academic performance 

T he first and most profound impact of divorce in most instances is the d eterioration of children' s ’ academic performance. This occurs due to behavioral change and their effort to get used to the new surroundings ( Piaget , 2003 ). Coming to terms with the fact they are no longer living with one of their parents is always hard for the young ones. Th is is followed by the feel ing of abandon ment and trauma. Such children find it hard to concentrat e in class and even socializ e . For instance, as their colleagues talk about their parents, the children from divorced families share nothing. Moreover, these conversations may remind them that one of their parents is no longer living with them. Due to this, the concentration of these children is significantly affected. Moreover, it takes a considerable period for them to adapt to the changes. This fuels the decline in academic performance, which in the absence of remedial measures is likely to be permanent. 

Psychological behaviors 

Parental divorce results in multiple psychological impacts. While this leads to vulnerability in most children, in others, it results in increased resilienc e . According to research, a child's antisocial behavior increases following the dissolution of his family through a divorce ( Fagan & Churchill, 2012 ). Likewise , children whose parents have divorce d exhibit higher levels of anxiety, antisocial behavior, and depression compared to the children from intact families. Irrespective of the age at which these children experience a divorce, they are affected for their entire lives.

Indulgence in v ices 

The impacts of d ivorce are dire, especially for teenage rs. In cases where the teenagers cannot contain the experience, they involve themselves in various harmful practices to keep away the bad memories ( Fagan & Churchill, 2012 ) . Involvement in such vices as drug abuse may lead to addiction, which may affec t their lives forever. Equally, s ome parents may begin drinking alcohol and taking drug s so as to keep off the memories of their partners. On the other hand, the c hildren may ape their parents thinking that indulgence in vices is the right way of dealing with setbacks in life. This may turn these children into drug addicts.

Poor social skills 

Parental divorce leads to poor social skills among the children. While this might not be immediate, the impacts become more profound later, especially in their youth . Past research in this area has revealed that children often exhibit social skills which are characterized by coercive and aversive interactions styles. This scenario is twice likely in children from divorced families than those whose families are intact. Further, the social life of these children is likely to be permanently destroyed and characterized by constant problems, particularly regarding their peer support. Kalter ( 1987 ) established that about peer relationships , the children from divorced famil ies did badly compare d to those from intact ones . Moreover, t he children from divorced families exhibited hostility towards adults’ inattention, anxiety aggression, and withdrawals.

Attitudes towards sexuality 

Divorce changes the sexual behavior of the children who witness its occurrence. Following a divorce, t he children are more likely to approve premarital sex, divorce, and cohabitation highly . C onsequently, this reduc es their endorsements and childbearing. These children are also likely to develop diverse views on marriage, with some considering it useless and not important in life . Later, these children are unable to connect the link between childbearing and marriage. As a result, they are more likely to hav e children out of wedlock later in life . This fact holds even after control of social and economic statuses. Additionally , permissiveness on the side of divorced parents significantly increases permissive behaviors in their children (Hetherington et al. , 1985 ).

Loss of trust in relationships 

Th e children who have witnessed divorce are more likely to lose trust in relationships. T he fact that their parent's marriage failed is viewed as a constant reminder that relationships are guaranteed to fail. D ivorce leads to lo ss of trust amongst children . Consequently, those that get into relationships later in life find it difficult to trust . Thus, the individuals who have once been victims of divorce consider failure in relationship s a normal occurrence . This affects not only affect all their relationships but may also reflect later in their marriages.

Raising children in divorced families 

Counseling  

There are various ways of assisting c hildren to cope with divorce . This can be done by the parent who gets the custody or by the people who bring up the children as their guardians. F or instance , the young ones must always be assured that their parents will always be there for them and to take care of them. M ost importantly, it is vital that t hey are assured of their parents’ lov e. This fact should be emphasized to the children, irrespective of where their parents live. This is because t he assurance of this love is imperative in the development of the children (Hess & Camara, 1979). Moreover, psychologists can be useful in guiding and counseling the children following their parents’ divorce. Counseling, in this case, would entail telling the children the truth, assuring them that they are loved, and addressing the likely changes. Likewise, it requires avoiding blame and listening and responding to the concerns that the children may have. Moreover, it involves clearing any misunderstandings and reassuring the children. 

Co-parenting 

In this scenario, the divorced parents work together in raising the child ren . The parents should always avoid any conflicts in front of the ir children. Young children might feel like they are the reasons behind their parent 's conflicts. Thus, t hey should be kept away from the parent's differences as much as possible. While co-parenting, parents are therefore expected to practice high level s of self- control when their children are around. E very child should be protect ed from the anger and hurt of his or her parents . Thus, children should never be subjected to any pressure of taking sides in case of disagreements between the parents. In co-parenting, the children should be given equal opportunit ies to interact with both parents (Hodges, 1991).

Later, the children should be allowed to have a discussion with their parents to talk about the divorce and life after that. To reduce the long-term effects, the parents should t ry to make the children understand that divorce is n ot one of the best decisions in life. Moreover , they should be made to understand that divorce should always be the last resort . Also, such children should be e ncourage d to embrace peace and love . Divorced parents should offer their preteen and teen children as much love and support as they can . This is by addressing all their needs in a bid to ensure that they live a fulfilling and balanced life (Hodges, 1991).

Conclusion  

Divorce is one of the hardest experience s to deal with in a family. This is because i t affects everyone in the family , including the divorced parents as well as their children. However, t he impacts of divorce are more severe in children than any other person in the household . Irrespective of age, d ivorce has many effects on children. Th e new experience of living with a single parent might be too much for child ren and migh t affect them in myriad ways throughout their entire li v e s . Therefore, this calls for measures to help these children live a n intact life , just as their counterparts from intact families do. These include such measures as co-parenting as well as counseling . Despite the impact of these measures in helping the children to cope, the adverse effects of divorce cannot be overstated . 

References  

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