The grieving process for people often entails the five main stages outlined in the grief theory developed by DR. Elizabeth Kubler. Denial is the initial stage, and it enables people to reduce the overwhelming emotional pain. Denial slows the grieving process by making individuals pretend that the death has not occurred; it also helps mourners absorb and understand the reality. Anger is the second step that entails extreme emotional discomfort; it allows people to display their emotions with minimal fear of rejection or judgment (Lim, 2013). The bargaining stage follows, and it is characterized by desperate measures that can make a person engage in anything to alleviate and reduce the emotional suffering. The fourth stage is depression which makes a mourning person retreat and become less friendly, leading to isolation. The last stage is the acceptance stage, where a person no longer resists the reality of the occurrence and starts to build emotional survival tactics to overcome the depression. However, for children, the grieving process may not occur as outlined in the five stages. The majority of the adolescents and children may feel isolated in the mourning process, thus presenting dysfunctional behavioral patterns such as guilt, extreme anger, and selfishness during the incident.
Behavior Patterns of Children and Adolescents Grieving in a Dysfunctional Manner
First, most children may feel upset about the death discussions and behave in a distressful manner. Coping with reality may be difficult, especially if they do not get the emotional guidance. They may become extremely upset and fail to acknowledge support and comfort provided by friends or other family members (Schonfeld et al., 2016). The distress feeling may make them cry overwhelmingly, leading to depression and other emotional struggles like anxiety.
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Secondly, adolescents may behave dysfunctionally by presenting guilt feelings, especially if they experienced challenges with the deceased. The majority of mourning teens often wonder if their activities could have contributed to the occurrence of the death. Some even question themselves if they could do something to prevent the occurrence of the incident. The guilt feeling may damage their relationship with other people because they would resort to isolation as a means of consolation. The sense of guilt can also lead to emotional issues like anxiety.
Thirdly, the death incident may make children appear as self-centered. The buildup of stress may make them only think of themselves. During tragedy, parents may expect children to accept the misfortune and act responsibly; however, the situation may make them behave less maturely. The emotional stress may make the kids act as they did at a toddler stage (Leming & Dickinson, 2020). For instance, some may start to wet their beds despite having comprehended the toilet training. Some adolescents who have been behaving quite independently may begin to cling or experience difficulty with separation. Subsequently, teens may become less mature socially and start to demand or even pick fights with other people. Their behaviors may seem selfish and cold toward other family members.
Another show of dysfunctional behavior in children is the display lots of anger because of the death or grief. They may shift their focus on a person they feel responsible for the occurrence of the misfortune. Some may be angry at God and also at the individual who died. The people close to them may become emotionally distressed because they are the safe targets (Leming & Dickinson, 2020). As a result of the anger, some teens may participate in dangerous behaviors, such as careless driving, starting fights, alcohol drinking, or misusing other substance abuse. Others also may engage in delinquency and reckless sexual activities.
Lastly, teens may become reluctant and afraid to talk about the misfortune especially, if adults around them show discomfort. As a result, they may withhold their opinions, questions, or comments to stop upsetting other people. The effect may influence them to take their opinions to fellow peers leading to big emotional problems because of lack of proper guidance. Their fellows may not know what to share with them, therefore, causing depression and anxiety.
Five Ways Children and Adolescents Can Be Assisted in Coping with the Death of Loved Ones
Adults need to offer guidance to help children minimize the presentation of behavioral dysfunctions. First, it is vital to explain death in simpler, honest, and direct terms relevant to their development stages. It is difficult for young children to reflect on their emotions and thought independently. Therefore, offering short conversations and answering their questions may make them understand the occurrence of death in a positive manner (Wolfelt, 2019). The process may also entail sharing one's spiritual and religious beliefs about death. Other materials such as books and role play may be incorporated to ease comprehension.
Secondly, adults should help children to understand that they are not to be blamed for the occurrence of death. The explanation helps alleviate the guilt feeling that they might experience (Leming & Dickinson, 2020). It is necessary to often show affection by reassuring the mourning child that he/she will continue to receive adequate love and care. Psychological therapy can also be conducted when the guilt instances become overwhelming.
Thirdly, teens should be encouraged to share their emotions with adults. The process should be mutual, and adults too should share their grief to encourage children. The young should be helped to understand the range of emotions that occur during grief. The differences in emotional expressions should also be illustrated. Besides, teens can be encouraged to talk with other adult members outside the family, like a teacher or clergy (Wolfelt, 2019). Adequate emotional support helps them receive consistent care and help, thus enabling them to feel safe.
Fourthly, it is vital to address daily routine and other role changes to enhance the coping period. The occurrence of death may alter day-to-day family routine leading to disruption and distress. Therefore, it is necessary to provide additional preparation, support, and conversation surrounding the transitions. The conversation speeds the acceptance process leading to less emotional problems that children can face.
Lastly, honoring, remembering, and allowing children to attend the burial of the individual who died may enhance their coping. Children should be given a chance to say goodbye and participate in the memorial services of a loved one (Leming & Dickinson, 2020). The memorial talk helps remind children how the deceased loved them and understand the special influence that the person had on them.
Conclusion
In light of the discussion, adults need to understand how to deal with a range of dysfunctional behaviors that children may experience when a loved one is dead. Lack of guidance may make most teens experience anger, guilt, and other psychological problems. Therefore, it is important for adults to positively provide adequate love and support to make children triumph the sad moments.
References
Leming, M. R., & Dickinson, G. E. (2020). Understanding dying, death, and bereavement . Cengage Learning.
Lim. W. M. (2013). Revisiting Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief: some comments on the iPhone 5. Journal of Social Sciences, 9 (1), 11. https://doi.org/10.3844/jsssp.2013.11.13
Palmer, M., Saviet, M., & Tourish, J. (2016). Understanding and supporting grieving adolescents and young adults. Pediatric Nursing, 42 (6), 275-281.
Schonfeld, D. J., Demaria, T., Council, D. P. A., & Committee on Psychological Aspects of Child and Family Health. (2016). Supporting the grieving child and family. Pediatrics, 138 (3). https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2016-2147
Wolfelt, A. (2019). Helping children cope with grief . Routledge.
