Cohabitation entails two grown up with different personalities, preferences, and temperaments living together in the same house, a situation that comes with an elaborate pro et contra. For cohabitation to have any chance of success, the partners should be able to enjoy the benefits and reduce the impact of the vagaries that come with the cohabitation (Williamson et al., 2016). Before the cohabitation, both partners should understand that there are advantages and disadvantages. Each of the two parties directly or indirectly contributes to both the advantages and the disadvantages. Therefore, when either of the parties considers a specific benefit of the relationship, such as companionship, to be missing, it is important to look within before faulting the other partner. The same self-evaluation should happen when there are disagreements, conflict, or friction. Each partner should understand that a mutually beneficial cohabitation does not occur naturally and needs work (Santrock, 2019).
Further, before cohabitation, the two parties need to discuss a variety of issues and, if possible, find common ground regarding them. The first issue for discussion is the important issue of finances. The traditional approach was for a man-led family where the man provided and the woman took care of the home. In modern cohabitation, the gender roles are fluid, with each unit having its unique approach to the issue of finances. The parties need to agree before the advent of cohabitation (Williamson et al., 2016). The same approach applies to family chore within the relationship, as the parties need to agree on how to share obligations. The third most important area of discussion in a family unit is conflict resolution. There will be disagreements and discourse when two people live together. The two need to discuss and agree on how to approach disagreements and make them right. Finally, the parties should discuss their main likes and dislikes to avoid inadvertently offending one another (Williamson et al., 2016).
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Cohabitation before marriage has a variety of social, emotional, and financial consequences, mainly stemming from its potentially temporary nature. From a social perspective, cohabitating couples are not able to invest social capital on each other in the same way that married couples do (Brown, Manning & Payne, 2017). There will likely be reservations based on fears of a possible separation. Similarly, the emotional relationship may be tumultuous due to the lack of a solid bond. For example, whenever there is a disagreement, each party has to wonder if the other is seeking a way out. Finally, concerning finances, the parties in cohabitation will be reluctant to invest together due to uncertainties about the future. Based on the above, when two people live together, they should commit fully, through marriage (Brown, Manning & Payne, 2017).
Why People Get Married
People get married for a variety of reasons involving the two parties to a marriage and their children. First, people get married for companionship. Humans are social beings who need to love and someone to love. Marriage provides the potential to have someone to love and be loved by constantly (Santrock, 2019). Even when there is a disagreement, the potential for love still exists. Secondly, people get married to provide a conducive environment for children. A couple has a better chance of raising children in a better environment than a single parent. Another important reason for marriage is from a financial perspective. Marriage enables two people to combine resources and expenses, resulting in savings under economies of scale. Similarly, marriage enables couples to obtain some tax rebates, leading to financial benefits (Santrock, 2019). Some financiers will also consider married couples more appealing, making it easier to get loans at a lower cost than single people do. Similarly, some facilities such as medical insurance may also be cheaper for married couples as one party can benefit from the services available to the other.
The best age to marry is after attaining adulthood and some stability in life, preferably after the age of 25 years of age. In America, it is possible to get married at an age as young as 16 and in some states, much younger, with parental consent. However, at a younger age, the mind has not matured enough for an individual to decide what he or she would in life (Santrock, 2019). The individual will also not have completed school or made career choices; hence, it is hard to tell what kind of life he or she will lead. Both parties in a teenage or early adulthood marriage will be operating on assumptions about critical issues. When such assumptions falter, the chances of divorce are higher.
Factors that Contribute to Divorce
Divorce is a common reality in modern marriage. Among the leading causes of divorce in modern marriages is marital infidelity. Due to professional and other engagements, married couples spend vast amounts of time away from each other, which increases the propensity for infidelity. The discovery of such infidelity will often precipitate a divorce. Finances are another major cause of divorce and divorce. Families that face financial difficulties have a higher chance of ending up in divorce than affluent ones (Williamson et al., 2016). Lack of financial transparency also contributes to divorce. Nagging and constant arguments is another cause for divorce, more so in the absence of avenues for solving such conflicts. The constant friction will wear down couples causing them to opt for divorce. Lack of companionship is another cause for divorce, more so denial of conjugal rights. With sex being an important benefit of marriage and common interest for couples, its absence encourages divorce (Williamson et al., 2016). Unfortunately, having been in a previous marriage will also have an impact on any subsequent marriage. For a start, the presence of children and joint social connections keeps some aspects of the previous marriage alive. Hence, issues from the previous marriage will affect the new marriage. Further, adjusting from one lifestyle to another is difficult in adulthood. The inability to switch from the lifestyle of one marital partner to the next may put a strain on a subsequent marriage.
Impact of Having Children on a Marriage
Children have both a positive and negative impact on marriage to the couple. For a start, the love of children can bring married couples together as they provide a common ground. Many couples will also be reluctant to end up in divorce due to the adverse impact the divorce may have on children. However, on the inverse, children take away time that may erstwhile have been invested in the relationship between parents. It is common for parents to grow distant after having children, since their respective concentration of overly focused on the children. Without mitigation, the falling apart may lead to divorce. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, the raising of children is expensive and may create a financial burden for the family (Lundber, Pollak & Stearns, 2016) . Since financial limitations contribute to friction in the family, having children may be cause conflict. Normally, the decision on how to raise children depends on the financial status of the parent. If parents are affluent, they can afford professional nannies and good daycare centers for the children. However, poorer parents may consider raising the children themselves, mainly through one parent staying home. From a sociocultural, having children creates different pressures and obligations for the parents. For the father, there is a greater financial burden, based on the traditional notion that fathers are the family’s breadwinners. For mothers, there is a higher burden in terms of chores. In some cases, mothers have to sacrifice their careers to raise children as the burden for the day-to-day family chores belongs to women in most sociocultural settings (Lundber, Pollak & Stearns, 2016) .
Conclusion
Affection in a family unit is mainly emotional but for the said unit to succeed, it needs much more than the emotional content. The high levels of failure and lack of cohesion in family units have resulted in research, commentary, and publications about the subject. There is no blueprint about how to establish a successful and harmonious family. However, experts have come up with a variety of factors that contribute to the overall success of a family. First, both spouses need to have established a level of maturity and stability before they venture into cohabitation. Secondly, it is necessary to discuss and agree on some pertinent issues that that the potential to elicit conflict. Further, there are potential issues that family members need to avoid as they often precipitate division and in extreme cases, divorce. Marriages are dynamic and versatile, making it difficult to predict the sources of discourse, or propensity for longevity accurately. However, adhering to expert recommendations can provide a marriage with a higher chance of flourishing.
References
Allendorf, K., Thornton, A., Mitchell, C., Young‐DeMarco, L., & Ghimire, D. J. (2017). Early women, late men: timing attitudes and gender differences in marriage. Journal of Marriage and Family , 79 (5), 1478-1496.
Brown, S. L., Manning, W. D., & Payne, K. K. (2017). Relationship quality among cohabiting versus married couples. Journal of Family Issues , 38 (12), 1730-1753.
Lundberg, S., Pollak, R. A., & Stearns, J. (2016). Family inequality: Diverging patterns in marriage, cohabitation, and childbearing. Journal of Economic Perspectives , 30 (2), 79-102.
Santrock, J. W. (2019). A topical approach to life-span development . New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Education.
Williamson, H. C., Nguyen, T. P., Bradbury, T. N., & Karney, B. R. (2016). Are problems that contribute to divorce present at the start of marriage, or do they emerge over time?. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , 33 (8), 1120-1134.
