Sexual abuse affects the victim in many ways, it damages them physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually and can be reflected in how the abused relate to others. Survivors always believe that once it has happened, that is the end and there is no need for them to talk about the issue. Some of the victims are threatened not to report the incidence to anyone (Zwickl & Merriman, 2011). In a situation, they become traumatized throughout their childhood development until they reach adulthood. Some of the adverse effects they face as adults are infidelity issues, low self-esteem, romantic jealousy and a negative attachment style. However some victims have been known to respond differently, Instead of collapsing, they rise and beat the feeling of shame and become better people as adults. The help and support they get as they grow up can enable them to live a healthy life with a fulfilling romantic relationship (Goodyear-Brown 2012). This paper discusses how sexual abuse affects the intimate relationship of the victim.
Sexual abuse has positive and adverse effects on the intimate relationship. An individual who has undergone sexual violence will have to overcome many obstacles if they are to have a romantic relationship. Most victims find it difficult to have a stable relationship, due to the feeling of low self-esteem. Most of them lack self-respect and ends up having multiple sexual partners. They are not interested in committing themselves to one partner because they find it hard to trust and their intimate relationships are short-term (Goodyear-Brown 2012).
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According to Conte (2002), victims will also develop a notion that, by providing sex, they will get affection and maximum attention. As adults, they expect utmost attention from their partners, and when they are not satisfied, they look for the care from somewhere else. Therefore they are likely to cheat in a relationship than those who were not abused in the past. However, there are some who experience a different effect after being abused particularly if it was done when they were still young. They develop an intense hatred towards the opposite sex. Some even develop a phobia against romance because any sexual activity reminds them of what they went through in the past. Their sexual satisfaction will be shallow, and they will not find it exciting. Such individuals despise sexual activities rather than enjoy.
Some people grow to believe that it’s not their right to be loved and treated well. Such individuals develop low self-esteem after sexual abuse. Their intimate life is negatively affected as most o they are not willing to engage in any romantic relationship. To some, any intimate relationship reminds them of the ordeal and therefore would prefer not to participate in such. Those who were abused violently find it hard to have stability in relationships because of dissatisfaction and increased stress resulting from low self-value. Most of them always have a feeling of shame, helplessness, and guilt. They usually blame themselves believing that what happened to them was their fault just because the abuser told them so. When they are called names, looked down upon and insulted, the victim develops a low self-worth and may end up feeling that he or she is not worthy of love and affection from a partner. Therefore, the victim extends some difficulty also to show affection to a partner (Goodyear-Brown 2012).
Apart from low self-esteem, some victims develop extreme romantic jealousy. They become obsessed with their partners and feel the urge to protect their love. Some of them experience a crisis within themselves and wish to kill anyone that tries to take their romantic partner away. Some victims threaten their lovers that they will kill themselves if they leave them. Such threats put so much pressure on their partner who will struggle to please them. Apart from affecting the romantic relationship, extreme jealousy can also lead to murder (white & Mullen 1989).
Sexual abuse survivors frequently develop the jealousy because something valuable, i.e., virginity was taken from them when they were still young, and they don't want a similar incident to happen to them. They will try their best to protect what they believe is theirs because the victims don't want to lose what they currently love. According to Zwickl & Merriman (2011) victims of sexual abuse also can attach themselves negatively to a relationship. As a way to prevent rejection feelings, they usually pull away emotionally because they are not comfortable to open up their emotions. They avoid an intimate relationship because they don't see any need of having one. The victim values independence, even though deep within them they develop a feeling of love, they will not mention it, they maintain the sense of a secret. The fact that they don’t assure their partners of their love becomes a hindrance to their romantic relationship.
Morrissette (2012) points out that victims who were exposed to sexual abuse for an extended period always have difficulty trusting their partners in their relationship. They know the value of a relationship and strongly desire to love and be loved, but they fear to be hurt or rejected. Some victims will want a stable connection with their partners. His or her energy will always be focused on how to increase contact with the partner. Any small changes in the relationship will be realized quickly, the victim can reach a point of being clingy, and the behavior can put so much pressure on their intimate relationship.
While sexual abuse can negatively affect a person adult life, the experience can also arouse a high energy to the victim to try and be more successful to overcome the shame. Some develop a passion for assisting other victims to overcome and lead a healthy life. They end up becoming essential people in the society. Most great counselors of sexually abused persons have a history of going through the same abuse while still young. They know how to handle them because they have been there before. There are famous people in America today who are victims, but they were able to overcome the trauma, they replace the shame with hard work and desire to grow and become successful. However, majority of the victims suffer the trauma all through their life, having a stable romantic relationship becomes a nightmare to them.
Seeking support and discussing the abuse with a counselor or the partner as adults can be very helpful. Learning to cope on their own, finding positive strategies and trying to focus on moving on are some of the coping styles (Morrissette, 2012; Goodyear-Brown 2012). If the victim doesn’t work towards repairing the damage they experienced, they will continue to live with the wound and find themselves in different unsatisfactory relationships. Increased awareness can help the victims change by developing a clear understanding of how those negative experiences have affected their connection and the way they interact with adults. The awareness and knowledge of the past experiences will enable the victims to develop secure relationships with people around them. They will also be in a position to form a more stable and romantic relationship.
Sexual abuse has positive and adverse effects on the romantic relationship as adults. Some of the victims find it hard to move following such occurrences, and in this case, their romantic relationship will be negatively affected. Such individuals are unable to overcome the feelings they have been through, and any future engagement might be devastating as it reminds them of the past. To some of the victims, such an occurrence can positively affect their romantic life as they can explore and identify ways of overcoming the challenges. Individuals who have mastered the experience are likely to be motivated to open up to their partners, therefore, boosting their intimate relationship. Despite the gains accrued from sexual abuse, the adverse effects far much outweigh the benefits. In conclusions, such abuses negatively affect the romantic relationship of couples in adulthood.
References
Conte, J. (2002). Critical issues in child sexual abuse . Thousand Oaks, Calif.: Sage Publications.
Elliott, D., & Briere, J. (1995). Posttraumatic stress associated with delayed recall of sexual abuse: A general population study. Journal Of Traumatic Stress , 8 (4), 629-647. http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/bf02102892
Goodyear-Brown, P. (2012). Handbook of child sexual abuse . Hoboken, N.J.: John Wiley & Sons.
Morrissette, P. (2012). Romantic relationship deliberation: a psycho-educational approach. Sexual And Relationship Therapy , 27 (3), 231-242. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2012.735767
Ogden, P., & Fisher, J. (2015). Sensorimotor psychotherapy : Interventions for Trauma and Attachment New York: W. W. Norton
Zwickl, S., & Merriman, G. (2011). The association between childhood sexual abuse and adult female sexual difficulties. Sexual And Relationship Therapy , 26 (1), 16-32. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2010.530251
