The MurrayBowen Family System Theory was developed by mental health pioneers after the World War II. After the war, drug therapy was not as effective and parents were concerned about their children’s behavior. Therapists observed that war veterans readapted after moving back to their families. However, the seriously ill patients were found either not to readjust or to regress even after individual treatment and returning back to their families. At this time, the book ‘Surviving Schizophrenia: A Manual for Families, Patients and Providers’ was written by therapists that liberated the parents and intrigued Bowen. Although the theory was first adopted in the management of Schizophrenia, it has since been included in churches, corporates, communities and coaching programs. The theory provides a comprehensive explanation of people’s behavior and emotionality in groups (Rabstejnek, 2008). In this paper, I will integrate the Murray Bowen Family System Theory into my personal theory of marriage and family therapy.
In his theory, Bowen focuses on the nuclear families and the actions that influence their lives such as what prompts a wife to abandon her own development and stay at home to manage her children’s lives. In order to explain his theory, Bowen explores human relationships which he believes are driven by ‘individuality’ and ‘togetherness’, two counterbalancing life forces. He explains that as much as we need companionship, we also need independence. However, these needs tend to polarize in that when one is ready for companionship, the other feels crowded and needs space. The ability of people to integrate the two polarities depends on the differentiation of self which means the ability to contemplate and reflect and manage emotional pressures. People tend to go through a cycle of closeness and distance because of this polarization (Nichols, 2012).
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Interlocking Concepts of Bowen Family Systems Theory
Unlike other family therapists who were rationalists concerned more with action than insight, Bowen observed his theory as a way of thinking rather than a set of interventions. In the theory, he uses interlocking concepts to explain how family is a multigenerational network of relationships that shapes the interaction between individuality and togetherness. These concepts include triangles, differentiation of self, multigenerational emotional processes, societal emotional processes and emotional cutoff (Nichols, 2012).
Differentiation of self
Represented in a theoretical scale, differentiation of self, defines how people deal with the demands of life and how they follow their goals on a continuum from the most to the least adaptive. The disparity in adaptivity depends on various interlinked factors as well as the amount of solid self- this refers to the part of the self that is impassable in relationships. For instance, a person who follows strict well thought out life principles cannot be swayed by fads or opinions because their sold self has been enhanced. People with less solid self often fall into pressure to think, act and feel like other people. The combination of the two people creates chronic anxiety as one person becomes more sensitive of what the other thinks, feels and does(Rabstejnek, 2008).
Loosely translated to ego strength, differentiation of self can also be defined as the aptitude of a person to reason, reflect and to withstand emotional pressures. It refers to the capability an individual has to be flexible and be able to act wisely even during a time of anxiety. While an undifferentiated person is easily emotional and readily reacts to those around him or her, differentiated people have the ability to balance thinking and feeling. In addition to the ability to withstand strong emotions and spontaneity, they possess self-constraint that helps them in resisting the pull of emotionality. On the other hand, undifferentiated people react impulsively, submissively and/ or insolently towards others. Around anxious issues, they are unable to keep their cool and find it difficult to maintain their own autonomy. They can barely think in anxious situations and answer questions that they have not been asked because they can barely comprehend. On the contrary, differentiated people can assert their position in issues because they are independent, can think things through, make decisions based on what they believe and then act on those beliefs(Rabstejnek, 2008).
Coming from a small nuclear family of only three people (my mother passed away years ago), my young sister and I often look up to our father for guidance even at our adult age. Even after leaving my paternal home a few years ago, I still do most of the things that we used to do back at home and have the same rules, morals, values and principles that I used to have; lock the door, always help and comfort others and family always comes first. My stand points and ideas still resemble my parents. For instance, my affinity for material possessions resembles that of my parents and my ideas of what is right and wrong is determined by what my parents believe. Both my sister and I have emotions issues and can easily be triggered to act in a knee-jerk overly emotive way. However, with all the said facts, is still believe am not undifferentiated. As much as I depend on my parents for guidance and directions, i am not submissive or impetuous or defiant towards others. I am independent and often speak what I think. I make solid decisions, decide what I believe and act on those beliefs. Even though I appreciate and embrace my parents’ teachings, I often stand on my own and am able to balance my feelings and my thinking.
Emotional Triangles
In relationships, triangles are a basic molecule whereby virtually all of them have been overshadowed by one or more third parties. The driving force for the triangle is anxiety that is; when anxiety increases, people tend to experience stronger need for emotional intimacy and sometimes, a need for distance to avoid pressures. When the anxiety increases, the two person dyad becomes unstable and thus one or both of the parties pulls in a third party. The third party is pulled in in order to maintain the closeness and still handle the anxiety that the two people are facing. Psychologists elucidate that a couple avoids confrontation by addressing their problems in terms of a third person. Because of repeated equalization of forces, the involvement of a third person to provide clarity and counter balancing forces is required (Nichols, 2012).
People begin relationships by interacting with only one other person. As imbalances sets in, outside help is required to equate the forces. As the partners will often fluctuate between distance and closeness, a triangle is frequently the smallest relationship system that provides balance during time of stress. During stressful times, the inside position is plagued with anxiety and emotional closeness, thus the outside position is the most comfortable and desired position. Therefore, it is deducible that a twosome can only survive when there is calm. When anxiety sets in, the minimum outsider interaction expected is a single individual hence forming the triangle. When the tension is stronger than one outsider can handle, more people are expected to join thus forming outside triangles (Nichols, 2012).
When my mother passed away, a twosome was formed between a father and his daughters- my sister and I. due to the hurt and anger we would often be sad and angry all the time. Whenever we felt like doing it, we openly frustrated and bullied our father until we bent him to our will. We vented out our grief and anxiety over losing our mother on our father and this created intense tension in the house. Because of the constant anxiety, my dad started dating earlier than expected. Although the lady was our third corner of the triangle, that would help us build a stronger relationship with our father, we did not see it. Our grief blinded us and therefore we forced them apart. However, when a fourth party, my aunt, came in, talked to us and showed us the importance of our father to have a partner, we eased up a little though it deteriorated again when my father started dating again.
Nuclear Family Emotional Process
The nuclear family describes a single generation although their emotional systems patterns have been replicated for generations. This indicates that the interaction between a wife and a husband will conform to the patterns of their parents and their children will follow their patterns. It is vital that both spouses be at the same level of differentiation since high differentiation equals low emotional fusion. High fusions in a pair result in anxiety for one or both spouses that commonly leads to emotional separation or emotional divorce. On other times, high fusions will lead to marital conflicts, projection of the problem into the children and sickness or dysfunction(Rabstejnek, 2008).
When a single spouse is dysfunctional, the marriage is likely to endure as it provides a platform for effective absorption of anxiety. In case of a triangle, the third part will absorb the extra energy that will arise between the principal dyad hence allowing the couple to preserve imminence. The conflict will often localize around the fragile and most insufficient person in the triangle. Impairment of children that may arise from anxiety in the family should be considered as a separate working concept since it will ultimately progress from mild neurosis to sever psychopathology (Nichols, 2012).
When my mama passed on, my dad became emotionally unavailable to anyone. He would spend all his time at home or at work. He would rarely go out with friends or visit family members. He did not care about the outside world and would spend most of his time in closed doors. He would avoid talking about my mother and he took over her responsibilities. He would care for us, pay the bills and take care of the house. This became so extreme that he was diagnosed with clinical depression. His appetite would be really low, not talked to anyone for days and this affected us emotionally. His anxiety after the loss of my mother was passed on to us and we had to go to therapy together as a family. It was only after the interventions were we able to move on with our lives and my father was able to start seeing other women and joining social functions.
Multigenerational emotional processes
Multigenerational transmission process transmits differentiation of self from one generation to another. Each generation ratchets down a level of differentiation to the next and while doing so, increases the severity of emotional illness. For instance, child symptoms intensified over multiple generations until it appears as Schizophrenia. On the psychic continuum, neurosis and schizophrenia are different positions of normalcy and acute psychosis. Since family patterns are repeated, a dysfunctional family that triangulates children will transfer it on. As the emotional illness becomes severe, procreation will stop. In some families, children with mental or physical impairment are designated as the target child in the triangle that they use as a scapegoat where they will focus and balance their energy(Rabstejnek, 2008).
My mother was differentiated from her parents. She learnt values and principles from them and learnt how to be independent from a very young age. She could stand alone and make decisions that she believed was right. Even after joining college, she was independent, did not smoke, drink or curse like most of her peers. Everything for her was black and white, right or wrong, good or bad and she often spoke what she knew was right without shame. She was very close to her mother who had the same traits as her. And just like my mother and my grandmother, I have learnt independence and assertiveness and the same I will pass to my daughter.
Emotional cut off
Bowen believes that a person who leaves his paternal home is still as emotionally dependent as the one who never leaves. Leaving home does not men emotional contact has been terminated, only means that the person is reacting negatively. Bowen discourages emotional cutoffs saying, “The more a nuclear family maintains some kind of contact with the past generations, the more orderly and asymptomatic the life process in both generations.” However, simply terminating a past relationship does not mean that it ends its impact on future relationships. When past generations have unresolved emotional attachments, it will keep plaguing the future performance (Nichols, 2012).
Emotional cut off is an extreme distancing posture whereby the family members discontinue emotional contact with each other. As people separate, emotional family unit is severed creating fewer places for anxiety to be absorbed in the extended family system, causing significant repercussions for the functioning of the future generations. As a result, chronic anxiety increases and people start looking for other relationships to substitute for the cut off relationships.
After my father met his second girlfriend, soon to be wife, I distanced myself form him. I was angry with him and felt like he was abandoning my sister and me. I moved away from home and became estranged from him. I cut all contacts with him, refrained from interacting with him and during family gatherings, we conversed coldly and cordially. Because of this cut off, my children will be affected tremendously since their triangle has been reduced and they will lack a grandfather who will help them during anxiety.
Conclusion
Bowen’s theory was brought at a time when it was really needed, when children were distancing themselves from their parents. With this theory, they were able to interact and prevent a vicious cycle of multigenerational emotional cut offs.
References
Nichols M. P. 2012. Family Therapy: Concepts and Methods . Pearson 1(10): 69-73
Rabstejnek, V. C. 2008. Family Systems and Murray Bowen Theory. Human Organizational Understanding and Development : 2-10
