Parenting is one of the most challenging endeavors for couples, especially as they attempt to raise and groom their children to be responsible adults in the community. Conflicts between partners, during this process of raising children, often occur due to miscommunications and misunderstandings. Some experts contend that such disagreements severely impact the emotional development of kids, their academic achievement, self-esteem, and other decisions to form relationships in the future. Therefore, these opponents of parent conflicts in front of kids discourage parent infighting. On the other hand, others think some degree of parent conflicts and the ability to resolve such disputes amicably can improve the development and wellbeing of children. With these two differing opinions in mind, this research paper primarily aims to analyze both sides of the case using evidence.
Discussion
Arguments against Parent Conflicts in front of Children
Indubitably, parent arguments in front of kids, especially minors aged between 8 and 14 years, are harmful and can impact their psychological development process. Children usually feel scared and traumatized (Harris, 2017). Parents need to understand the impact such actions can have on the general development of children as they progress towards adulthood (Schoppe-Sullivan, Cummings, & Schermerhorn, 2017). Several studies have indicated that such conflicts can influence negatively the mental health of kids, their development of emotional and social skills, their academic achievement, as well as their ability to create relationships in the future.
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For example, a study conducted by Jennifer Jenkins in 2000 on the impacts of anger-based interrelationship conflicts and the growth of an anger organization in children revealed that kids exposed to bitter exchanges between the ages of 8 and 14 tend to grow up with a similar harsh attitude. Jennifer in her study defined ‘anger organization’ as an adversarial method to solving relationship issues, characterized by aggression and short-term anger expressions demonstrated during social interaction.
A study population of 71 kids from different socioeconomic settings, their teachers, and mothers was selected to take part in the survey. Mothers were required to complete test questionnaires on children aggression and anger-based marital wrangles. Also, sociometric ratings of the aggressive and violent kids were collected from peers, while teachers provided reports of violence and hostility. Lastly, the team observed short-term emotional expression of children and the pertinent situations that elicited such emotions were traced during peer interaction.
The outcome of the study found a significant relationship between anger-based marital conflict with maternal, peer, and teacher findings of aggression. Anger-based marital disagreements and conflicts were also strongly connected with short-term anger expressions. Jennifer’s case study, just like the findings of several other researchers, only affirms that exposing children to anger-based arguments while still in early developmental stages, especially between ages 8 and 14, can predispose them to aggression and other violent behavior. It impacts their psychology negatively triggering hostility and brutality. Kids exposed to such bitterness from their parents tend to develop hatred and resentment towards their peers in school, teachers, siblings, and parents as well.
Other studies have revealed different outcomes for children exposed to aggressive behavior by their parents at an early age. For example, Bi, Haak, Gilbert, & Keller (2017) discovered that kids exposed to marital aggression and disagreements tend to develop disordered eating behaviors, with anxiety and child emotional insecurity as risk mechanisms. The presumption for the researchers before the onset of the study was that marital conflicts are a predictor for the somewhat elusive cause of disordered eating among children, which is often associated with childhood obesity and diabetes. The team used an emotional security theory viewpoint to survey 95 kids aged between five and twelve years and their parents in the Southeast part of the U.S.
The outcome of the study revealed that marital conflicts are directly connected with increased rates of restrained feeding, emotional eating, and other queer eating behaviors. The research team also reported that marital disagreements between partners cause higher child emotional insecurity concerning family, a finding that was additionally connected with greater anxiety among children, which were then consequently associated with disordered eating. Besides just serving as a minor pathway connecting child disordered eating and emotional insecurity, anxiety too essentially directly mediated the link between marital aggression and all the three categories of disordered eating (external eating, emotional eating, and restrained eating) in kids.
As such, acknowledging the primary triggers of violence in families is essential in resolving parenting conflicts. A few researchers in the recent past have delved into establishing the root causes of these parent conflicts, their impacts for both parents and children, and solutions to such issues. For instance, a recent study conducted by Bair-Merritt, Mandal, Epstein, Werlinich, & Kerrigan (2014) to establish the context of intimate partner violence (IPV) on childhood growth indicated kids exposed to adult conflicts at a tender age tend to become more hostile and aggressive. In their study, the researchers identified seven heterosexual pair from a University-based family counseling clinic to participate in the survey. Couples eligible to participate must have encountered physical aggression and verbal experiences within the last four months and have at least one youngster in the residing with them. The couples selected were also above 18 years and could speak and read in English.
For data collection, each participant was interviewed separately, with questions directed at the particular kind of violence used by women and men, context and causes surrounding violent disagreements, the level or degree that children were exposed, and the potential impacts for both children and adults. All partners identified parenting and household responsibilities as the primary triggers for violent disagreements between parents. However, parents with infants indicated that parenting differences were highly intense, with mothers often resorting to violent behavior as a means of expressing their frustration and anger about their husband’s lack of support. Some of the triggers of aggression reported by the researchers range from prior violence histories, wanting to be heard, and drug abuse. Also, couples said that children often mediated in extremely heated violence incidents. The outcomes of the study emphasize the need to create novel programs to assist parents in dealing with parenting stresses, the main trigger for aggression, and those that directly solve the impacts of intimate partner violence for the kids.
Arguments for Allowing some Parent Conflicts in front of Children
Even though parent conflicts have widely been attributed to impacting negatively on the psychological development of children, onset of disordered eating, and academic achievement, other studies have found somewhat contradictory outcome, what experts term ‘constructive conflicts.' Divecha (2014), a polished professor and blogger in the famous Developmental Science , in one of her articles titled What Happens to Children when Parents Fight argues that not all type of parent disagreements or conflicts are destructive; some are genuinely constructive. However, Divecha is quick to note that the manner parents resolve disputes can determine whether it is helpful or harmful. She also notes that parents should avoid conflicting in front of children as much as possible.
In her remarks on constructive conflicts, Divecha acknowledges that some kinds of parent quarrels or disagreements are not harmful or disturbing to children at all. They, in fact, benefit from it. When couples engage in moderate to mild conflicts that entails compromise and support as well as positive emotions, kids grow better self-esteem and social skills, develop healthy relationships with parents, and enjoy better emotional security. They also tend to perform better in class because they often encounter less emotional distress and psychological trauma. Divecha contends that most children love both their parents and tend to be saddened with any attempts to disrupt this two-way unconditional love, the reason why children sometimes tend to intervene in parent conflicts.
Divecha further adds that when children see a conflict and witness their parents resolving it amicably by coming to a compromise, they are genuinely happier than they were before they experienced it. It is a sure means of reassuring children that parents can truly address specific issues, without resorting to violence and excessively aggressive behavior. This is usually evidenced by the look on their faces and reaction afterward, including their behavior and utterances-they scatter and play around. Divecha believes constructive conflicts constructive conflict yields better outcomes ultimately, even if parents fail to find common ground but obtain a partial solution adequately.
Harold (2018) in his edition of the CNN also seems to resonate with Divecha. Harold particularly notes that ‘private' arguments are essential for children aged two and above. At this age, Heins (2007) feels that kids are astute observers of parental behavior. They usually recognize conflicts even when their parents assume their children are too young to notice such happenings or argue in private. However, Harold contends that what the most important thing is how such kids comprehend the triggers and possible outcomes of such fights. As they grow up, children will often make judgments based on these previous experiences.
As such, Harold (2018) advocates for government policies aimed at improving parent relationships rather than just supporting youngsters through mental programs. Divecha (2014) also believes that for parents to resolve their conflicts and maintain a loving relationship in front of their kids (what is termed keeping a constructive relationship ) they must lead with empathy, embrace constructive criticism, and give each other the benefit of the doubt. They must also perceive each other as a team member and make utterances with kindness rather than exasperation, disappointment, and disapproval (Schoppe-Sullivan, Cummings, & Schermerhorn, 2017).
Conclusion
In summary, it can be deduced that even though conflicts are inevitable in a family, it is important that couples select appropriately means of scenarios of settling their differences, bearing in mind that their actions can sometimes impact the mental development of their children, their academic achievement, as well as future abilities to form relationships. On the other side, being able to settle their differences in front of their children in a mature way can improve the wellbeing of their kids. However, it is recommended that arguments should be kept outside because it is difficult to understand how children react to them. Parents can also seek marriage counseling if their differences are so severe.
References
Bair-Merrit, M. H., Mandal, M., Epstein, N. B., Weirlinich, C. A., & Kerrigan, D. (2014, December 24). The context of violent disagreements between parents: a qualitative analysis from parents' reports. Retrieved from http://eds.a.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.umuc.edu/eds/detail/detail?vid=0&sid=e502d76f-9927-49ee-b3bc-2b9b00e4b40e%40sdc-v-sessmgr01&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#AN=25539581&db=cmedm
Bi, S., Haak, E., Gilbert, L., & Keller, P. (2017, November). Children exposed to marital conflict exhibit more disordered eating behaviors: Child emotional insecurity and anxiety as mechanisms of risk. Retrieved from http://eds.a.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.umuc.edu/eds/detail/detail?vid=0&sid=8aa82537-7951-4223-b7ee-c01a40269a7f%40sdc-v-sessmgr05&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#AN=125618240&db=sih
Divecha, Ph.D., D. (2014, April 30). What happens to children when parents fight. Retrieved from http://www.developmentalscience.com/blog/2014/04/30/what-happens-to-children-when-parents-fight
Harold, G. (2018, April 2). How parents' arguments really affect their children. Retrieved from https://www.bbc.com/news/education-43486641
Harris, P. (2017, November). I feel scared when my parents argue: suffer the children. Retrieved from http://eds.b.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.umuc.edu/eds/detail/detail?vid=0&sid=1e04d76c-627b-4bd4-a058-4691eae1671b%40sessionmgr101&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#AN=126328290&db=ccm
Heins, M. (2007). Not in front of the children: Indecency, censorship, and the innocence of youth . Chicago, IL: Rutgers University Press.
Jenkins, J. (2000). Marital conflict and children's emotions: The development of an anger organization. Retrieved from http://eds.b.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.umuc.edu/eds/detail/detail?vid=0&sid=1d69e1ff-96c6-413e-b18a-3487428edc83%40sessionmgr104&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#AN=edsjsr.1566792&db=edsjsr
Schoppe-Sullivan, S., Cummings, E. M., & Schermerhorn, A. C. (2017). Marital conflict and children's adjustment: Evaluation of the parenting process model. Journal of Marriage and Family, 69 (5), 1118. Retrieved from http://eds.a.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.umuc.edu/eds/detail/detail?vid=0&sid=bbb16307-f6d2-45d4-8458-b96f401d2715%40sessionmgr4009&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#AN=edsjsr.4622516&db=edsjsr
Wedge Ph.D., M. (2018, April 19). Are you fighting in front of your kids? Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/suffer-the-children/201804/are-you-fighting-in-front-your-kids
