Thesis Statement
Since the workplace is becoming increasingly hazardous, the occupational safety regulatory bodies should raise the fines and penalties for the organizations that do not meet the safety standards criteria.
First Section
Question 1
The introduction paragraph is quite effective in giving the layout of the paper, giving the reader a glimpse of the areas that the article will further address in the subsequent sections. This is achieved by majorly building on the statistics related to work injury and death cases.
Delegate your assignment to our experts and they will do the rest.
Question 2
The conclusion paragraph ties closely with the introductory paragraph in the sense that it more of a paraphrasing of the initial ideas presented in the introduction paragraph. However, it is not effective in bringing to light any new ideas.
Question 3
The information preceding the thesis statement is quite effective in building the momentum for the thesis statement, thus presenting the last sentence as the hook of the argument that came before it. This is seen mainly through the opening remarks that safety should be the central concern of an organization.
Question 4
The first sentence of the introduction paragraph prepares the reader for the subsequent argument on workers' health and safety concern within the organization by stating that safety should be the central concern.
Question 5
However, much more still needs to be done to coordinate the claims in the body paragraphs through the use of transitional words, which give the reader a glimpse of the point that will be discussed in the subsequent section.
Question 6
When it comes to exploiting the arguments entirely in the body paragraphs, it is plausible the effort the writer places in discussing all the spectrum of his case. For instance, by arguing that employees need to feel safe in the working environment, the writer goes ahead to give all the scenarios in which the workers would need to be protected.
Question 7
The conclusion paragraph is of medium length. However, it should have summarized the main points in the body paragraphs, such as precisely what role the regulatory bodies should play, and how that will impact workplace safety.
Question 8
However articulated the conclusion is, most of the points therein are merely a restatement and explanation of the thesis statement. A quote or a catching phrase such as “A safe environment makes a happy employee” would be more appropriate in making a lasting impression.
Second Edition
From the early draft in the first edition, I am happy that I have been able to identify some of the strengths, as well as the weaknesses in how my points have been arranged to form a coherent argument.
However, what I still do not like is the fact that it does not help me identify how to fix the areas that need fixing. It only highlights the areas for improvements.
In making an emotional appeal, I would employ pathos in the first paragraph of the body argument where it addresses the need for employees to feel safe and protected in the workplace, hence the call to action.
The part that I found most challenging to develop an argument for was "Visualizing the Future." It was not easy drawing up a plan that I believe safety regulatory bodies and other agencies should follow to ensure the protection of the workers.
Third Section
The early draft did not adequately meet all the requirements of the rhetorical structure, mainly because the initial paper was not effectively structured to follow the highlighted structure. Therefore, I would first of all need to divide the article into the appropriate segments.
"Satisfy the Need" is the section that will need more sources to back up the claims made therein. For this, I will rely on scholarly articles. Scholarly articles are known to be the most authentic works of evidence, and thus would play a significant role in backing up my logical reasoning.
