Stalking refers to an attention which is obsessive and not necessary. The attention can be from one person to another depending on how their relation (Evans & Reid Meloy, 2010). In some cases, stalking may involve harassing, and intimidation of the person being stalked. Besides, it includes such acts as spying, close monitoring, and following the victim. The term stalking has some uses in the field of psychology, psychiatry, and in law to mean a criminal offense (Evans & Reid Meloy, 2010). This paper will discuss the behavior of stalking in broken relationships, and the contributions of communication in stalking.
Some studies have established that males mostly exhibit the stalking behavior and monitor their female partners. Conversely, many women do not stalk on their male counterparts, but stalk on their fellow females whom they suspect have an intimate relation with their loved males. The fact remains that whether a woman or a man ones a stalker is a stalker because they have the same goal, which is to justify their suspicion. After they find the truth, both tend to retaliate in some ways depending on personality and how they feel (McAuslan, 2015).
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McAuslan (2015) believe that the behaviors of stalking mostly occur when people are in relationships for instance love affairs. As such, it is brought about by mistrust between two partners for example when one suspects that the partner is in another intimate relationship. As such, staking can lead to breaking up of marriages and any love relationship when the stalker finds out that his or her partner has cheated in any way. When the relationships break, some people further stalks on their ex-lovers so that they can find them and reconcile (Katz & Rich, 2015).
In some instances, reconciliation may fail and at times it may be successful, and the partners continue being in love. When it fails, the stalker can revenge to his counterpart through murder or any other bad way. However, some people opt for unique ways of avoiding being stalked by their ex-lovers. Such techniques affect them directly as they disrupt their daily routine for the escape. The tricks they apply to confuse the stalker is through changing their work environment, changing the phone numbers, and relocating from their current residence (Logan & Cole, 2011).
Stalking affects the mind of the stalker and the victim, because for it to occur there must be some form of depression and emotional problems in a relation. Though the victims of a stalker feel all the weight of insecurity and instability, the stalkers always feel immeasurable intrusion. As such both parties have conditions which subject them to the danger of committing suicide, or doing something that can cause death (Katz & Rich, 2015). The stalker spends a reasonable amount of time and with determination to spy, follow, and monitor their partners. In some counties, stalking is a punishable offense, and people are encouraged to use legal procedures to know the truth and in settling their difference (Evans & Reid Meloy, 2010).
Prevalence of Stalking
The prevalence of stalking in college students is sixty-six percent and is higher than any other level. It is because many college students are between the ages of sixteen to twenty-two. At this age, for example, the adolescent stage initiates the engagement of these youths into love affairs which do not last. Besides, their relationships can result from infatuation, and the chances of existing for long are limited. In such situations, the levels of stalking in both boys and girls are the same. At the college, the stalker can pay unplanned visits into the victims’ room claiming that he or she was just passing. At this age, stalking has always given justification of suspicions and many cases of suicide and murder in the college students result from stalking (McAuslan, 2015).
In comparison to 66% rate of stalking in the youths aged between sixteen to twenty-two years, the rate of stalking in middle-aged adults starting the age of twenty-three to thirty-eight is lower. In middle-aged adults, the rate of stocking is forty-three percent. At this age, many people are busy with their developmental projects and pay no more time for love affairs compared to younger youths. Conversely, here mostly men stalk than women for example; through going to their workplaces without informing them, and carrying presents to them. As such, one cannot know their intention whether it is true love or just stalking (Menard & Cox, 2015).
On the same note, at the age of twenty-three onwards many people are in legal marriages. Consequently, they have a provision of the law to take care of their partners. So, these men can comfortably stalk their partners through a wide range of methods for example using technological software that spy, monitor, and record all the activities and places visited by their wives. Besides, they can decide to install secret cameras in their houses and compounds to see what exactly their wives do when they are out of the country. If they find any proof of infidelity, and they cannot reconcile then, they divorce legally before the court.
After the divorce, many men tend to continue stalking their wives to know what they tell everyone that resulted in their divorce, or to know who she is in love with and whether their affair started before the divorce. Some men may not opt for the divorce but take away the life of their wives before they kill themselves as well. Such incidences can result from stress, or use of drugs, so that they do not see the importance of reconciling or peaceful breakups. Also, it can rise from negative attitude of a relation, such that the wife is not willing to change from her misconducts despites constant warnings. As such, when the stress builds up, it can lead to difficulty in being rational when it comes to making decisions (Menard & Cox, 2015).
Countries Prevalence
In Australia, around twenty-three percent of the total population have faced stalking of different levels, ranging from love affairs to those with malicious intentions. On the same note, a study conducted in Austria unveiled a prevalence of eleven percent for instance women seventeen percent and men three percent. It further indicated that of the victims of stalking present were eighty-six percent female while the stalkers were eighty-one percent males. As such, men were stalking Eighty-eight percent of women (Miller & Smolter, 2011).
According to Miller and Smolter (2011) the study indicated that seventy percent of those being stalked were ex-partners constituted forty percent, workmates made up thirteen percent, and twenty-three percent were friends or those who knew each other. Due to stalking, the study revealed that seventy-two percent of those who were being stalked changed their residence and shifted to work in new environments due to the feeling of insecure. However, fifty-two percent of the stalking victims who did not change their lifestyle suffered from stress and psychological well-being.
In England and Wales, research showed that stalking prevalence was twelve percent, for instance, sixteen percent female and seven percent males. The victims of stalking according to the research were forty-three percent male and fifty-seven percent female. Also, many of the victims of stalking in England and Wales showed signs of psychotic disease with fifty-seven percent being admitted to hospitals, as twenty-six percent got local treatment. In the United States, eight percent of women were being stalked alongside two percent of the male.
When people stalk they are unstable in their psychological emotions, for instance, many of the stalkers suffer from psychosis and other mental problems. If one stalks constantly, it is likely that the mental problem contributes to the behavior. The behavior of stalking has numerous characteristics for example; jealousy, impulsivity, deceptiveness, selfishness, a background of domestic hostility, inability to accept rejection, low self-esteem, and history of instant fall in love, amongst others (Miller & Smolter, 2011).
The rejected stalkers
In most cases eighty percent of people being stalked know those who stalk them. The stalkers are mostly their ex-lovers whom they rejected. As such, these people have been in an affair which was not successful due to its nature of misunderstanding, or abuse, with the victim. After separation, they seem to reconcile, revenge or both. Such stalkers threaten their victims before they separate that if they break up, then no one will ever have them. Such utterances lead to violence and assaults which can result in fights. Research showed that some people who make threats and assault their partners before they break often act on the threat. They are the type who can take away the life of their victims (Nikupeteri & Laitinen, 2015).
The Love Obsession Stalkers
The love obsession stalkers are common and seem to be an informal associate or somebody who is social. These stalkers insist on being in a love affair with the victim even if the victim refuses many of their pleas. They are jealous and insist they are the best suit for their victims.
The Grudge Stalkers
These stalkers just like love obsession stalkers are common and can relate with the rejected. They seem to have a normal relationship with their victim (non-intimate) for instance a colleague at work, an employer, and a neighbor. They think they have been a casualty of unfairness and retribution motivates them.
The Erotomanics
Erotomanic stalkers are relatively scarce; in many cases having mental illness and think those who they stalk love them. The biggest challenge in managing the instances of erotomanic stalking is due to lack of urge to seek medical attention. They do not view themselves as sick but having a lack of romantic individuality. However, they persuade themselves that the due to interruption by others and the slow response of their victims, delay occur in the process of initiating love with their victims.
The predatory Stalkers
These stalkers stalk prior to sexually assaulting their victims, who are mostly children and women. As such, they gather a lot of information concerning the schedules of their targets to enable them to find the victim effectively without being detected (Nikupeteri & Laitinen, 2015).
Stalkers have a range of common characteristics that enable them to be successful in their missions. All stalkers are always intelligent and are very careful in planning their activities. As such, anyone who can stalk and succeed meets the standards of being a sociopath. Sociopathy involves perfect planning of attack. Also, stalkers have a motivation that drives them to do their stalking. They have the desire and belief that their targets are the only people they need to have and not any other person (Pattnayak, 2004).
Communication and Stalking
Edward and Gidycz (2014) carried out research on the effects of communication on stalking. They established that in stalking communication can either be through phone, emails, letter, flowers, gifts and verbal. Many stalkers use phone communications for example boyfriends who spy on their loved ones; they frequently call to know the location and what they are doing at that time. Some stalkers send gifts and wait for the response, and if their targets reply them in a welcoming way they carry on if their targets become harsh they persist (Edwards & Gidycz, 2014).
In relations and love affairs, communication plays the central part of all acts of the people involved. In many situations, good communication techniques yield a perfect relationship. As such, during a time when partners differ in their discussions for example; when a boyfriend asks her girlfriend to clarify about a text message on her phone or a number which frequently calls her for many minutes. If the woman gives a proper explanation about the questions, her boyfriend wants to know the chances of misunderstanding are low other than when a woman gives harsh and cruel reactions.
Some questions and responses between partners can lead to violence and break-ups which are followed by stalking. It is in this case where one revenges by killing his or her partner. For example, both partners perception of rudeness is when a woman asks her husband in a harsh tone what he wants from her text messages on her phone. Consequently, the husband will believe that the woman does some unethical acts without his knowledge, and the outcome can be chaos ending in breakups or stalking (Edwards & Gidycz, 2014).
In stalking, communication is the core of every action and step. It can either be a verbal mode or electronic communication through social networks and other sites. A stalking man can call his lover using a different number which she does not know. He may change his voice and maintain the communication for a long period and to (or “intending to”) convincing his lover so that they can meet. In this way, the boyfriend is trying to gauge whether his lover is a hard to get type or is easily convinced. The stalker can come to a conclusion from the response he finds from the victim. If the woman falls into the trap of agreeing to all the requests from the strange persistent number, then the man will unveil everything and it can lead to differences (Edwards & Gidycz, 2014).
Good communication methods lead to humble relationships with minimal differences, for example, couples attending to counseling services each time they have stress from their misunderstandings in the household. Also, some studies have indicated that couples build their trust through frequent and effective communications for example calling each other when they are off from home, or at the job, and sending each other love messages. Such actions of good communication enhance trust in a relationship and contribute to healthy living (Edwards & Gidycz, 2014).
In conclusion, stalking amongst partners in an affair may result in stress, suicide, murder, and break-ups since one may find out that his or her suspicions were correct. Besides it shows that the stalker is not stable psychologically in a relationship and has mistrust on the partner. The stress and emotions can lead to depression and other conditions which may result in death. Also, stalking of ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend shows that the stalker has some intentions. Such intentions can include will to reconcile after realizing he or she cannot move on, and some stalkers wish to harm their ex-lovers because they feel hurt when they lied to them.
Counseling services through communication help in reduces the impacts of stalking in both broken and existing love affairs. In counseling, partners get crucial information and teachings on how to communicate in the house and how to react and respond to situations rather than opting to stalk. Also, when relationships break, however much it affects partners they are taught to have good communication skills to uphold reconciliation. Consequently, when reconciliation fails, partners are urged to stay calm and if possible forget about their past.
References
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Katz, J. & Rich, H. (2015). Partner Covictimization and Post-Breakup Stalking, Pursuit, and Violence: A Retrospective Study of College Women. J Fam Viol , 30 (2), 189-199.
Logan, T. & Cole, J. (2011). Exploring the Intersection of Partner Stalking and Sexual Abuse. Violence against Women , 17 (7), 904-924.
McAuslan, P. (2015). Book Review: The dark side of relationship pursuit: From attraction to obsession and stalking. Psychology of Women Quarterly , 39 (3), 417-418.
Menard, K. & Cox, A. (2015). Stalking Victimization, Labeling, and Reporting: Findings from the NCVS Stalking Victimization Supplement. Violence against Women , 22 (6), 671-691.
Miller, S. & Smolter, N. (2011). "Paper Abuse": When All Else Fails, Batterers Use Procedural Stalking. Violence against Women , 17 (5), 637-650.
Nikupeteri, A. & Laitinen, M. (2015). Children's Everyday Lives Shadowed by Stalking: Postseparation Stalking Narratives of Finnish Children and Women. Violence and Victims , 30 (5), 830-845.
Pattnayak, S. (2004). Stalking Terror. Journal for Peace and Justice Studies , 14 (2), 221-223.
