Verbal abuse is a silent killer abuse. Since it comes behind physical and sexual abuse in terms of prevalence, it is often overlooked. Yet this is the most common form of abuse that children are exposed to. In 2014 there were 702,000 cases of children who had been abused in the US (Elea C. 2018), many cases are however not reported. Verbal abuse is propagated through a mode of communication of the parents which might come out to be demeaning, intimidating, or scary to the child. Exposure to this abuse has a long-term effect on the mental and behavioral development of the children. In girls, this can affect their later emotional growth in relationships (Sandra C. 2021). The development of high-risk behavior, low esteem, and clinical depression are also some of the effects.
Actual session
In my interaction with my client, a thirty-two-year-old lady who had been a victim of child abuse, I learned of the devastating effect a father's abuse has on her daughter's adult life. The client had come in with a myriad of problems which included her inability to sustain a healthy relationship and her esteem issues. She could not take a compliment and seemed to suffer an inferiority complex. In our discussion, I also noticed that she kept blaming herself for not being the perfect daughter her father deserves.
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Me: Hello, you look great.
Client: Me? Not that much. My tummy shows, I can never look great.
Me: Never say never.
Client: Despite that, today I’m feeling a bit bubbly.
Me: Wow! That is an improvement. How do you manage to be in that happy place?
Client: I guess it is taking it easy. One day at a time. Last time I talked about my dad's constant verbal abuse.
Me: Yes, we talked about it. You mentioned that as a child you looked up to your father.
Client: Yes, I put him on a pedestal. But I failed him at every turn.
Me: How did you do that? I mean, you gave him the grandson he longed for.
Client: No, I was always ungrateful and did not appreciate him despite his numerous sacrifices. I am to be blamed for his abuse, I deserved it to some extent. He would always tell me in my face that he wished I was a boy, a boy he had used for not a girl.
Me: You did say that you had broken up with your husband and were currently looking for a partner?
Client: Yes, but a partner has not been forthcoming. I mean, I just do not know how to choose one.
Me: How comes? You had already chosen a partner once, it cannot be that difficult again.
Client: I just feel that I am not good enough to be loved. I have tried changing my behavior as I did for my ex-husband but I fall short of their love.
Me: But you are the price. With a woman of your qualities, they should be the ones shaping up.
Client: Despite my man problems, I've been diagnosed with high blood pressure. And my doctor says that this coupled with my nightmares and anxiety is a result of the effect of my childhood abuse.
Me: It seems you already have the answers. What do you think you can do to improve your situation?
Client: I think I should take it easy on myself more. Many times I am a harsh critic of myself. I feel like I am a prisoner in my head.
Me: You should get out more and smell the roses.
Client: Exactly, by going out more, I would deal with my weight problem once and for all.
Me: How has your childhood experiences affected your relationship with your son?
Client: That is always a sore topic to me. He seems to be hating me more.
Me; How is that?
Client: I happen to lose my temper around him. Once I have smacked him and yelled at him. He cannot even face me at the dinner table.
Me: Does that remind you of someone?
Client: It does, that is me and my father. Oh my god! I am turning into my father, a monster.
Me: It seems clear to both of us that your past experiences with your dad have come to haunt you in your current relationships. The chicken has come home to roost, so it seems. But you should not let this happen. You can decide that this vicious cycle of abuse stops with you, you have the power of deciding that.
Client: Yes. I need not be mean to my son as my dad had been to me.
Me: I see we are making some progress. What do you intend of doing henceforth?
Client: Doctor, thank you for helping me realize that the answers I sought were with me. The ball is in my court and I am willing to make positive steps towards the healing of my childhood scars. They do not have to haunt me in my adult life no more
Evaluation
From my interaction with my client, I managed to use the Solution-focused theory. I managed to highlight the problems my client was facing and related them to her childhood experiences. My questions were geared towards her realizing that she had all the solutions to her problems. I referred to her initially solving her problem of not settling for a partner and made her know that she could likewise solve other problems. My questions were present and future-oriented, this helped her realize that only the future matters and she should not dwell much on the past.
In retrospect, I should have incorporated more Psychodynamic theory to address the root course of my client's problems. Many of her issues stemmed from the verbal abuse she suffered from her father. I should have highlighted this to help her change her deeply ingrained lack of self-esteem. I should have also used the Cognitive theory of behavior to address her anxiety disorder.
Going forward, I shall lay more responsibility for healing in the hands of my client. A Humanistic Approach to therapy focuses on the patient's self-actualization. This is in the hope that it improves her self-esteem. She thinks lowly of herself and by putting her recovery in her hands, she might feel self-importance which is crucial to upholster her esteem. According to Thomason L, (2018) giving responsibilities to low esteem clients makes them work extra harder to prove themselves, in exerting herself she shall respond well to therapy.
References
Sandra C. (2021). An abusive father and the effects on a young woman's relationships. Copywriters and Freelance Writers for Hire | Scripted . Retrieved from https://www.scripted.com
Thomason, L. (2018). Childhood Verbal Abuse and its Psychological Effects on Adults [Doctoral dissertation]. Retrieved from https://scholarworks.waldenu.edu
Elea C. (2018). What is solution-focused therapy? (2015, February 24). The Institute for Solution-Focused Therapy | Anne Lutz, M.D. Retrieved from https://solutionfocused.net
