Marital problems have become a great concern within society, necessitating effective therapy sessions to address the issues. Effective therapy sessions are created when the therapist can conceptualize and understand the problems necessitating the therapy, hence providing an opportunity to develop an effective approach to the therapy that can be used to efficiently address the issue. In this paper, a therapy session that ranges from conceptualization for the problem, developing an effective treatment to the problem and analyzing the therapist's self for an LGBTQ couple is considered. The paper will aim at providing effective solutions to the challenges experienced by the couple.
Conceptualization for the Problems
This stage involves identifying and understanding the problems at hand hence creating a platform from which the therapy treatment is planned and administered. From the case presented, the couples have developed a big deal of negativity towards interactions. There is a sense to which both couples develop negative energies and reactions to the interactions. According to June, all actions that Olivia seems to propagate are perceived to push her away. Based on the conversations had both in private and with the two couples together and the data collected through the questionnaires, there is a sense to which the actions could be innocent but due to the instability arousing within the relationship, are perceived with negativity and unfavourable conclusions made. On the other hand, Olivia takes June’s reactions to provide a reason for avoidance or reservation. This element is likely to result in an unstable relation by largely affecting the affection of the couples and hence destabilizing the marriage and creating huge differences between the two.
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According to Gottman (1999), criticism another main issues that are evident within the relationship. Criticism involves expanding issues that may face the couples into a huge element that creates sustainable solutions. The issue is magnified into a situational problem rather than a personal issue. This is the main challenge facing the relationship and propagated from June. While having an affair is a wrong approach to a relationship, June magnifying the issue just creates a challenge in addressing the issue. From this analysis of the four horsemen of Apocalypse as developed by Gottman, Olivia, on the other hand, creates the issue of stonewalling, which involves withdrawal from integration. Rather than focusing on interactively seeking to find a solution to the marriage challenges facing the couple, Olivia opts to avoid interactions with June, who is the partner; in this case, she withdraws from providing a listening ear and responding to the concern for the partner (Gottman J., 1999) . The presentation of such a situation where both verbal and non-verbal responses are avoided presents challenges of communication within the relationship, leading to such strains, as evidenced within this relationship. While Gottman suggests that these two forms of behaviours (criticism and stonewalling) are sustainable and exhibited within a stable relationship, if persistent, they can have adverse effects on the couple's interactions, hence becoming a challenge to sustain the relationship. It is important to ensure that the components are repaired to further stabilize the relationships and seek to attain the initial state of a stable relationship.
The main issue evidenced in the relationship between Olivia and June can be summarized as communication problems originating from both divides. While the issue at hand here is highly resolvable, there are difficulties from both ends to initiate recovery from the challenge. The lack of admiration and fondness for each other replaced by a sense of contempt in a lower extent characterized by the unwillingness to engage each other in meaningful conversations is one of the main challenges in the situation. June develops a defensive approach to the issue so that she exempts herself from anything that could be going wrong within the relationship. She largely criticizes any actions that are taken by Olivia and making them an issue for the two. This is largely evident when during the therapy interview, she turns Olivia's words of working hard at her work to be against her. This implies that the relationship has reached a situation where there is negative criticism of every actions and word uttered by one of the two parties. While this is a communication problem, there are also elements of emotional instability that are evident in the relationship affecting the ability of the individuals to compromise. In Gottman and Silver (2015), the issue can be classified as a solvable problem that results in perpetual problems and could affect the status and length of the relationship. The issue resulting from the affair of Olivia is one that both parties are willing to address. However, the negativity surrounding the issue has developed a perpetual problem that creates challenges for the couple with time. The lack of a partner willing to compromise their position and seek to develop reconciliation that is sustainable further worsens the situation hence extending the levels of dissatisfaction with the relationship hence creating marital problems that could, in the long run, create ideas of divorce which is the biggest threat to any marital relationship.
Treatment
The issues arising within the relationship between Olivia and June significantly affect the relationship and could significantly impact their marriage. As a therapist, I have to develop measures and approaches that aim at addressing the issues while promoting efficiency within the marriage. This treatment therapy ranges from providing emotional support to addressing the issue resulting in the conflicts. The first treatment to the issue is the use of emotionally focused therapies. According to Yalom (2011), emotionally focused therapies helps to address individual needs hence ensuring that the coupled within the relationship understand the roles they have to play in facilitating the growth and development within the relationship. Emotions are one of the central factors necessitating relationships, yet they have been largely ignored when growing within the relationship (Johnson & Brubacher, 2016) . These therapies are largely involved in improving the consideration of human emotions hence boosting the satisfaction of the human needs. The process of Emotionally Based Therapy contributes significantly in identifying the shortcomings and promoting well-developed approaches.
The first step to emotionally-based therapy is aiding the partners to identify the negative identifying energies that affect their relationship. This stage helps the couple identify how the negativity they develop within the relationship contributing to distancing them hence creating concerns (Paivio & Angus, 2017) . The main steps in this stage are identifying the issues, revealing the negative energy in t he relationship, acknowledging the emotions resulting from this negativity and reframing the issues, negativity and emotions originating from the emotions hence addressing the individual needs. A sample conversation, in this case, would be;
Therapist: what do you think the other partner is doing that is affecting your relationship?
June: she does not show concern for me anymore. Since then, I feel distanced from her since she engages the affair with the lady she met at the conference. She cares less, is quite reserved and does not show affection towards me.
Olivia: June is always complaining. I can barely do anything that she views to be right and correct, and everything I do is viewed from the perspective of seeking to hurt her. She has become a critic of me hence forcing me to be reserved to avoid issues at home.
Therapist: Have you ever considered how your perception of life affects your partner emotionally?
June: No, she should be responsible for her actions and should seek to mend the relationship. She is responsible for the difficulties facing our family.
Olivia: Apparently, June did not forgive me. I realized that regular conversations with June affect the health of our relationship. I, therefore, chose to pursue silence as the solution to this relationship.
In this conversation, the therapist can show that there are issues in emotional attachment. Some of the issues that are intended to be derived from this stage include the lack of emotional support exhibited by the individuals and the need to respect the differences in each other’s emotional needs.
The second step in emotional-based therapy is the development of a platform from which to change the interaction patterns hence promoting a sense of positivity in the patterns. This stage involves ensuring that each partner speaks out their opinions and concerns within the relationship. It enables the partners to develop an understanding of the needs of the other hence ensuring that they learn to respect and develop compassion for the other person’s needs and emotions. Gottman and Silver (2015) made significant contributions to this course. They suggested that nurturing the emotional needs of the individuals is a significant contribution to ensuring that there is success in improving the situation of the relationship. The second principle of Gottman’s SRH model involves nurturing fondness and admiration. In the case of June and Olivia, the two have a functioning form of fondness and admiration system hence boosting the chances of finding solutions and salvaging their marriage. The fondness and admiration, in this case, is reflected in the commitment of both partners to achieve a state in which they can both address their shortcomings and remain together effectively (Gottman J., 1999) . According to the model, these two elements are quite rewarding to partners by providing a long-lasting romantic relationship. The two tend to increase the level of affection exhibited towards each other hence boosting the commitment to each other; even though the distraction experienced by the partners as a result of the flaws of the other, commitment to the love developed through fondness and admiration keeps the marriage moving by creating an obligation for these flaws to be treated with honour and respect.
Through effective therapy, June and Olivia can be guided to develop positive feelings. The first step in this course is creating an understanding of how things worked in the past. This will help them to understand the good moments that the couple has passed behind. For Olivia and June, a couple that has been together for ten years and married for two years, the past should draw good memories that the partners would love to recreate together. Showing how a growing sense of fondness and admiration would contribute to achieving this goal would help them to let go of the things that act as barriers or drawbacks to their marriages and realigning their focus to the future of their marriage. These elements are also key in addressing the issue of contempt. While this relationship is not affected by direct mockery, there is a sense to which the partners are losing trust and respect for each other. Nurturing love through fondness and admiration is a critical element in addressing the issue. Showing the couple how important their friendship can be in their marriage is critical in boosting respect. According to Gottman, good marriages are always established on the foundations of friendship. Some of the questions that the therapist can use to ensure that they assess the state of fondness and trigger the nurturing of these critical elements in any marriage include:
Do you think of your partner fondly when you are apart?
Do you feel loved and cared for in the relationship?
Is there fire and passion in the relationship?
Are you proud of your partner?
After assessing the state of fondness within the marriage, it is important to develop a solution to the shortcomings of the marriage. In the case of June and Olivia, there is a lack of appreciation for each other. In this case, elements such as cherishing the other partner are critical in promoting the desired state of respect and love essential in reinstituting the initial state of stability to the couples. This element involves maximizing the positive thoughts and qualities of the partner while minimizing the negative thoughts (Ecker, 2015) . June, for example, could use the thoughts she develops on Olivia to generate positive thoughts that could, in turn, aid to create an effective platform from which the other partner communicates. This would critically contribute to promoting stability within the family. Another crucial element of cherishing the partner, in this case, will include developing a sense of trust. While Olivia cheated and had an affair with another lady, she acknowledged the mistake and apologized. As such, it is important to reinstitute the sense of trust to ensure that the levels of trust that are necessary for attaining desirable stability are reinstituted (Corey, 2013) . Addressing the issue of love within the family by leading the couple to fan their fondness and admiration through cherishing the other partners and promoting respect among each other is the main solution that can be used to solve the crisis experienced within this family.
Self of a therapist
As an individual, I concede that effective communication is an essential part of any family. There is a duty towards both parties to ensure that they promote communication between them. However, in the case of June and Olivia, there is a significant communication breakdown that threatens the harmony and stability of the family. There are various shortcomings developed here that affect this process. The attitude of June towards Olivia is one element that largely affects the ability of the couple to develop an effective interaction. June develops a negative attitude towards any action or words uttered by Olivia. She uses these elements to promote her interests. From my personal experiences, this process largely affects the commitment of the other partner hence creating a form of disinterest within the relationship (Sude, PCMF 624 Class Discussion, spring 2021, La Salle University). While Olivia's behaviour of stonewalling equally contributes to the growing distance between the couples, I can relate to the experience. I have previously in my life developed such elements of withdrawal and stonewalling as a response to criticism. This is a common response that most individual’s exhibit to critics, especially from the negative perspective. There is a need, however, to develop better communication traits to facilitate growth within the relationship. As in the case of Olivia and June, this stonewalling is viewed as a lack of interest, affecting the relationship. Olivia should engage June as a partner regularly to avoid such conclusions.
Married couples need to know that they understand each other completely before engaging in romantic relationships or marriages. While this is a motion in the public domain, this couple created a different picture of marriage. Being together for ten years, June and Olivia need to have known each other’s differences in personalities and traits. This is not the case reflected in the causes of conflicts arising within the family. The process of conflict resolution is an effective area that each partner needs to understand the perspectives of the other. Olivia should have prior knowledge that June handles conflicts through criticism, while June should have prior knowledge that Olivia uses stonewalling as a defence towards criticism. This understanding would make significant contributions in avoiding most of the misconceptions that made the conflicts bigger than they could have been. This element of this family influenced how I pursue friendships as a tool of developing romantic relationship. I found out that in most cases, partners in a romantic relationship have minimal or no basis for their relationship. They don't understand each other before engaging in romantic relationships hence affecting how they interact in their marriages.
This family has also created new insights that could change my perception of marriage and family life in a new dimension. It is evident that the couple largely relies on support from each other in their daily life. Being LGBTQ couples, there is a level to which these individuals face diverse challenges characterized by the neglect and rejection they face within the community and society. There is a need to which they need to stick together to ensure that they overcome the hurdles that life may present. While this is a critical tool of therapy to use within the process without showing any sense of discriminative or profiling behaviour, it also creates new insight into how couples need to stick by each other. In this process, partners must defend each other in cases where difficulties arise within their marriages. The element further indicates how essential emotional support is in promoting wellbeing among couples.
Conclusion
Marital issues are one of the most critical issues within the society that need to be addressed to create a consistent society. While there are various elements involved in generating marital issues, criticism and stonewalling, which are two of the ‘four horsemen of Apocalypse' as Gottman suggested, affect June and Olivia's marriage life. The emotional-based therapy used together with the principles of the Sound Relationship House can effectively address the issues identified by the couples.
References
Corey, G. (2013). The art of integrative counselling. Boston; Massachusetts: Cengage Learning.
Ecker, B. (2015). Memory reconsolidation understood and misunderstood. International Journal of Neuropsychotherapy, 3 (1), 2–46.
Gottman, J. (1999). The Marriage Clinic: A Scientifically Based Marital Therapy. New York: Norton & Company.
Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony: New York.
Johnson, S., & Brubacher, L. (2016). Emotionally focused couple therapy: Empiricism and art. In T. Sexton, & J. Lebow, Handbook of family therapy (pp. 326–348). New York: Routledge Press.
Paivio, S. C., & Angus, L. (2017). Narrative processes in emotion-focused therapy for trauma. New York: American Psychological Association.
Yalom, V. (2011). Sue Johnson on emotionally focused therapy . Retrieved from Psychotherapy: https://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/sue-johnson-interview
