It is understood that effective communication holds the key to fulfilling and healthy relationships. This is an issue on which pop culture and scientific research are in agreement. Magazines advise couples to invest in effective communication if they wish to grow their relationships. In an effort to understand the dynamics of communication in relationships, I read a number of magazines that addressed this issue. One is titled “How to Have a Conversation With Your Guy: Why So Many Couples Struggle to "Unplug" Their Relationships” and authored by Jamie Lincoln (2014). Featured on the online edition of Glamour magazine, this article explores how men allow technology to hamper communication with their spouses. The second article is by Brabaw (2019) and titled “How to avoid communication breakdown in your relationship”. This article was published on the Men’s Health website and it sheds light on strategies that couples can adopt to secure the health of their relationships. I chose the two articles because I feel that they help to capture the biases and misinformation that are rife in publications in pop culture. After comparing the two articles to published research, I found that for the most part, they make reasonable assertions and that there is scientific evidence to support these claims. I feel that the topics that the articles explore are significant because they highlight the role of communication in relationships. More importantly, by scrutinizing the articles, I hope to set the record straight and underscore the importance of basing one’s communication approaches on established scientific evidence. In this paper, I will begin with an exploration of Lincoln and contrasting it with published scholarly work. I will then proceed to show how the article by Brabaw is inconsistent with what research has established.
As noted above, the focus of Lincoln’s article is how men are unable to protect their relationships against the damaging effects of technology. In the article, Lincoln begins with a lamentation about how her spouse spends most of his time texting and playing games on his smartphone. Lincoln states that she has observed other couples struggle with ensuring that the health of their relationship is not threatened by technologies like social media. In addition to shedding light on the problem, Lincoln also provides solutions. She advises that couples should seek to understand why their spouses prefer the distraction that technology offers over the companionship of their partners. According to Lincoln, it is important for couples to “plan some engaging outings that will get you two talking”. I find Lincoln’s article to be insightful and largely consistent with the observations that I have made personally. I have witnessed relationships fail because individuals were unable to focus their attention on one another. However, I feel that Lincoln’ erodes the persuasive appeal of her article by placing blame on men for the damage that technology causes. I think that her article would be more convincing and seem more credible if she maintained objectivity and fairness.
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In Looking Out, Looking In, Adler and Proctor (2016) discuss various elements of relationships. The impact of technology is among the issues to which they give much focus. According to this duo, left unchecked, technology can have devastating impacts on relationships. In fact, Adler and Proctor suggest that technology can be exploited to end relationships: “breaking up via technology tended to have high levels of attachment anxiety- which might explain why their partners didn’t to deliver the news (of breaking up) in person” (p. 289). Adler and Proctor are not isolated in agreeing with Lincoln about the link between technology and unhealthy relationships. Clayton, Nagurney and Smith (2013) also determined that technologies like Facebook are to blame for some of the struggles that couples face. According to these scholars, “Facebook usage is associated with negative relationship outcomes”. This observation legitimizes the fears that Lincoln raises in her article. Whereas it is true that she does not cite any academic or research authorities, her assertions appear to be based on research. I think that the articles provide couples with information that they can use to improve the quality of their interactions. Today, social media and other technologies have taken the place of open communication. Instead of taking time to invest in making their relationships stronger, individuals are developing shallow and often unhealthy relationships on social media. Unless they heed the warning that Lincoln issues, the relationships of these individuals are doomed to fail. I feel the need to admit that most of my interpersonal relationships have failed because of my failure to recognize that social media is a danger that could sink even the strongest relationship.
Brabaw is another individual whose article sheds light on the importance of communication in relationships. In the article, he provides practical insights that couples can implement as they seek to improve communication. Among the solutions that he recommends is that couples should be open, transparent and direct in expressing how they feel, and that they should stay clear of direct confrontations. He proposes that couples should take time to de-escalate tense situations and that they should understand that they cannot fix all problems that they face. Another proposal that Brabaw presents concerns the need for couples to seek help when they feel overwhelmed and are unable to resolve the communication challenges plaguing their relationship. Brabaw promises that when they implement these strategies, couples will experience greater satisfaction with their relationships. I can confirm that all the strategies that Brabaw proposes yield drastic improvements in the health of a relationship. I would urge those who are struggling to keep their relationships stable to adopt these strategies. I would particularly encourage them to allow themselves to be vulnerable when communicating. Many relationships fail because couples are too proud to open up about their struggles, fears and anxieties.
It must be that before writing the article, Brabaw consulted published literature. This is because the insights that he shares echo what researchers have determined about communication in relationships. Ryan (2014) is among the scholars whose thoughts and observations are aligned with those of Brabaw. According to Ryan, for a relationship to be successful, individuals must commit effort, time and resources: “Most quality and/or effective relationships… don’t just happen. They normally take a little work; a little thought; a little effort” (p. 71). In addition to acknowledging the need for couples to invest in their relationships, Ryan presents a number of practical approaches. They include being compassionate and understanding that successful relationships are those in which couples are willing to make sacrifices for the other. Ryan agrees with Brabaw that in order to solve the communication challenges that they encounter, couples should be willing to find answers. This means that couples should seek help and understand that they simply lack the capacity to solve all the problems that rock their relationships. I agree that relationships demand effort and a desire by both parties to resolve issues as and when they occur.
When I undertook this assignment, I expected to encounter glaring inconsistencies and inaccuracies in the pop culture articles. However, now that I have engaged with the articles, I have been able to determine that the articles are based on sound scientific knowledge. This has prompted me to reflect on my attitude toward pop culture. While I still believe that much of pop culture is riddled with falsehoods and biases, I have to admit that there are some authors who recognize the importance of truth and objectivity. The two articles discussed above have provided me with helpful insights that I intend to integrate into my interpersonal and romantic relationships. I believe that by adopting these insights, I will be more satisfied with the quality of my relationships.
In conclusion, today, many relationships continue to fail because couples do not communicate effectively. The pop culture articles underscore the significance of communication. They make it clear that for relationships to deliver happiness and fulfilment, couples must be prepared to commit effort. It is particularly critical for couples to ensure that such forces as social media do not ruin their relationships. Couples should also understand that such values as compassion and selflessness hold the key to satisfying relationships. This research project that I have conducted is indeed significant. Its importance lies in the fact that it can help to strengthen relationships through effective communication.
References
Adler, R. B., & Proctor, R. F. (2016). Looking out, looking in. Boston: Cengage Learning.
Brabaw, K. (2019). How to avoid a communication breakdown in your relationship. Men’s Health. Retrieved June 22, 2019 from https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a26090182/communicate-better-relationship-girlfriend-wife/
Clayton, R. B., Nagurney, A., & Smith, J. R. (2013). Cheating, breakup, and divorce: is Facebook to blame? Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 16 (10). doi: https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2012.0424
Lincoln, J. (2014). How to have a conversation with your guy: why so many couples struggle to “unplug” their relationships. Glamour. Retrieved June 22, 2019 from https://www.glamour.com/story/how-to-have-a-conversation-relationship
