The impact of death is fundamentally huge in the life of an individual. The loss of a loved one leads to grief and bereavement that has different effects on individuals depending on their relationship to the deceased. Indeed, the loss of a loved one is a traumatic life event that can trigger both negative and some positive responses form the bereaved. The occurrence of death is a tremendously difficult moment for those left behind. Nevertheless, as I counselor, I also realize that the death of a loved one can provide an opportunity for some personal growth in the trying times. Through my studies, I had learned that loss and the grieving process may provide an incentive for individuals to reflect upon their own lives. Loss can kindle a sense of urgency to make suitable changes to live a life that is more deliberate in case they should find themselves face to face with their deaths. However, the recent loss of my dear father due to the COVID-19 pandemic that has robbed many across the world of their loved ones left me floundering.
In particular, the circumstances of his death are a source of great sorrow, my father died alone in a group home without the love and warmth of family and friends. Due to the requirement for social distancing as a preventive measure against the spread of the coronavirus, my family members and I were unable to visit my father at the group home that he stayed in. He had contracted the dreaded virus. I was only able to talk to him on a video call and could not visit my father as he lay on his death bed. The pain of not seeing my father in his last days has gripped my consciousness since I heard of his passing. His funeral, which was also done in a hurry without the proper gathering and send off that he deserved, added salt to my emotional injury and has been a source of psychological distress. My father's death has been as heart-shattering as it has been eye-opening. I now have a greater and deeper understanding of the pain and suffering of my clients deal with. The painful loss of my father has created a pool of unique knowledge and experience from which I can draw to offer better services for my clients in my practice.
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Before this experience, I had been unfortunate to have never lost a close family member or loved one, and therefore, despite my consistent studying, and the professional training I received around trauma and loss, and how to empathize with clients, I had never fully understood the far-reaching effects of trauma on the mind as well as the body of an individual. As a counselor, I had thought that I would be an expert at navigating my way through that loss of my father and the difficult grieving process, I had incorrectly assumed that I would be focused on finding answers to the hurdles that emerged in my grief, and that I would get back faster and to a place of healing and control. However, instead, I later found out that I was very wrong, I was stuck in the grieving process and could not come to terms with my loss. I was unable to push past the pain to allow for any healing, and this impacted very negatively on my daily life as well as my mental health. I quickly realized that I needed professional help and that my attempts to play at a counselor for myself were failing as depression was setting in. I decided to seek professional help to nudge me out of the pain and anger, to finally begin the process of healing.
In retrospect, I see now that I merely went through the motions of daily life, as days rolled into weeks. I got up every day but was not present in my life consciously. I found it very difficult to spend time with my family and friends. On the bad days, I did not leave my bed nor shower, and I barely ate any food. It was easier to hide my pain, particularly in this new era of social distancing when family and friends do not spend much time together. I tried to play my social roles, and to fulfill my usual obligations to avoid the concern of family and friends, but I felt paralyzed by grief. Further, the trauma affected my sleeping patterns, and I woke up several times at night and could not fall back asleep. Indeed, my experience has taught me the depth of suffering that my clients undergo and has empowered me with the knowledge to truly empathize and understand a grieving person without passing judgment.
The decision to seek professional help was hugely beneficial for me. However, I was initially ashamed to ask for help. I felt that I had to get myself out of my trauma on my own due to my professional background, and the need for help was a sign of deficiency and inadequacy at my profession. However, I did not succeed in my attempts, despite my efforts, I felt the continued need to stay connected to my dad by remaining rooted in my grief, and this was causing harm to my mental health. The counselor I contacted was vital in assisting me to navigate my grief healthily and helped to retrieve the strength within myself to move forward with my life. This was an important lesson for me on vulnerability and the humanity that we all share, particularly that counselors share with their clients. Through help, I accepted that though I am very effective at helping other people in crises, I also need to reach out to other people for support to navigate my difficulties.
As I reflect upon my relationship with trauma, I am keenly aware that our professional lives and personal lives are inextricably linked. My personal experiences with trauma, reflect the experiences of clients that I meet in my practice. Additionally, I now know that the notion that counselors are indefatigable is baseless and untrue. As a collective human people, we all share vulnerabilities, and psychological as well as social support is required by all. I now know that loss, trauma, and grief are interconnected phases and this is very helpful in my practice to understand the behaviors and attitudes of my clients. As I dealt with my traumatic encounter, I found out that it is incredibly important to pay close attention to the people and places, as well as the things that represent triggers into traumatic experiences to continue in the healing process.
Following the realization, I did my best to avoid any triggers that would set me back to my trauma, however, several of these triggers could not be circumvented. This made me look back to my clients, those who have suffered from abuse and violence, especially sexual violence. I realized that contrary to my earlier assumptions, my clients all have unique challenges in dealing with their traumas and that these difficulties are real. I have previously been shocked or judgmental about some stories of violence and abuse, but this experience has taught me to be better in my practice, and practice patience and empathy.
Additionally, I found out that access to information on how to deal with trauma is very wide, particularly with the use of the internet. However, the ability to skilfully examine the quality of evidence is required. It is difficult to distinguish good information from harmful information due to the huge availability of information, and this can make the healing process following trauma more challenging. Additionally, I have learned that sensitivity and honesty are needed to address issues of sexuality and sex, and I am now comfortable to address these important issues. I realized from my experience the importance of positive role models, especially for sexual relationships, and following introspection, it became clear that I did not have any role models on sexuality. However, I am currently working to acquire them. Positive role models will equip me with the prerequisite skills to work better with adolescent groups, who I have previously had difficulties working with.
In conclusion, my personal experience with trauma taught me that everyone undergoes their own story of pain and loss. The journey towards healing and control is difficult and arduous, as emotions are typically raw. Overcoming trauma and loss requires tremendous strength, and unrelenting resolve to attain healing. Indeed, through this experience, I learned that theory can collide with practice and that the hope and knowing that is borne out of pain can foster better practices and healing.
